Make up a lie about the poster above you - part 3

[teletimetx]

Loopy says he is in cheese therapy, which is just another Aussie excuse to drink beer.

 

[Slamb]

Timex melted all his singles down to make an L.P. (I know!). Realising his mistake he tried to sell the resulting black vinyl blob as an undiscovered Henry Moore sculpture. Mrs Wallace next door gave him 5 dollars and a quick feel so all in all, he thought it was good days work.

 

[dlew919]

Slabs singles all died when he bought a cd player. Formats kids. They’re important.

 

[Rustbucket]

TheDudeLaw has never been single. He was born with a twin sister, the nurse took him home from the hospital, and since that day, he’s had to fight ladies off with a stick.

 

[teletimetx]

Rusty has four fingers on one hand.

And a thumb.

His nostrils are always clean.

 

[WRHB]

Mr Tex has four fingers, a thumb and a palm. Growing up poor, if he hadn’t been born a boy he wouldn’t have had anything to play with.

 

[dlew919]

Wide round is looking for work again. He said to me ‘would you work with someone who swears all the times, behaves inappropriately around female staff, turns up drunk, leaves early and doesn’t do their work properly, letting his colleagues take the fall?’

I said, ‘no. That would be terrible.’

Widey said ‘Apparently they thought the same thing’.

 

[WRHB]

Dlew is the female staff.

 

[teletimetx]

Double Wide says there’s some kind of misunderstanding with Loopy. He just wants to get something straight between himself and Loopy - but Loopy just won’t pick up the soap.

 

[WRHB]

Everyone wishes Mr Tex would pick up some soap.

 

[teletimetx]

Double Wide has a side gig as a training coach for the Horned Toad Derby in Coalinga.

He’s not sure how that happened, except Coalinga doesn’t mean what he thought it meant.

 

[dlew919]

Txt wants to die like his grandfather. Just slip away peacefully in his sleep. Not writhing in agony like the passengers in his car.

 

[Rustbucket]

Dwiddelydee went walkabout when he was 17, exploring the land. He followed the coast down to Melbourne, then Adelaide, hopped a boxcar to Kal to work the gold mines, then continued out to Perth. He worked the fishing boats while living on the beach in Cervantes, hitchhiked up to Broome to wrestle salties. He lost a hand at a cattle station in the NT, which ironically helped his guitar playing. He was a surfer bum in Cairns, carried gear for the Newcastle Nights, and finally settled back down in Sydney and woke up from his crazy dream.

 

[dlew919]

And we all thought Rusty thought an atlas was just a Greek God.

 

[WRHB]

Dlew is the patron saint of 50 year old virgins.

<Mr Tex, I don’t live that far from Coalinga. It seems like a nice place to live if you like living near prisons.>

 

[teletimetx]

Double Wide is the role model for 50-year-old virgins.

<DW: yeah, I noticed that there are two state facilities there, but try to tread lightly sometimes, as you never know...I thought the Horned Toad Derby would be a safe bet...>

 

[WRHB]

Mr Tex is the only person to ever be turned down by 50 year old virgins. After taking one look at him they all seem happy remaining untouched and lonely.

<I’ve lived an hour from Coalinga all my life and never knew they had a Horned Toad Hurrah. I need to get out a little more.>

 

[Rustbucket]

All the girls in the San Joaquin Valley referred to W as the Horny Toad. The Coalinga Horned Toad Race was inspired by his brevity.

 

[dlew919]

Rusty has a slightly asymmetrical face from all the times it’s been slapped by women. That’s not what ‘turn the other cheek’ means.

 

[Rustbucket]

Pbag919 was the stunt double for Sylvester Stallone in the Rocky movies. He took many hard hits to the head.

I can hear the Director in my head now, “Let’s do another take team! That last knockout wasn’t authentic enough!”