Long distance relationship

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by Asmith, Jul 27, 2021.

  1. sjwieczorkow

    sjwieczorkow Tele-Holic

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    Fair enough. Though I would like to know how most of the population defines "relationship" in the year 2021. For another thread perhaps.
     
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  2. sjwieczorkow

    sjwieczorkow Tele-Holic

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    Fate could have easily inverted your results as it has done for many. This is a very cosmic discussion!
     
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  3. Blackmore Fan

    Blackmore Fan Tele-Afflicted

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    That would be a fascinating discussion!
     
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  4. DonM

    DonM Friend of Leo's

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    I’m gonna put it to the test. Have a new lady friend and I’ll be going to my other place in California in Sep. Not sure if she’s going to go, visit, stay or what.
     
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  5. String Tree

    String Tree Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    So long as it is Temporary and, has a Time Limit, I think you have a chance.
     
  6. Peegoo

    Peegoo Poster Extraordinaire

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    A true fact about dating & marriage: put a penny in a jar every time you and your fiance' get jiggy. After you're married, take a penny from the jar every time you do da Wild Thing.

    You. Will. Never. Empty. The. Jar.
     
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  7. dogmeat

    dogmeat Friend of Leo's

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    no.... long distance is mostly doomed to fail
     
  8. tomasz

    tomasz Tele-Meister

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    It's definitely a tough one.. I've changed relationships and jobs many times, so I can feel what you are going through. A few years ago I separated from my gf to switch jobs and moved to another country. We had a remote relationship for over a year, but now we live happily together again.

    For me, that separation gave me a lot of time to dive into myself and look at what I value the most. Look at stuff from a distance, which I found very useful.
    We are still figuring out some stuff after 3 years.. but hey, that's just life!:)

    In full honesty nobody will be able to tell you what is best for you. A good relationship should have space for both parties to evolve as a person. And people do change over the course of life many times. On the other hand, careers are overrated. There is always another opportunity around the corner if you look well.

    So all I am trying to say is, you have to make that choice for yourself, depending on what is important for you. But don't be shy, it's your life!

    However you decide, do what you find is right for you. You can always change your decision, if it doesn't work, right? Cheers :)
     
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  9. Guitarteach

    Guitarteach Doctor of Teleocity

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    Go for it... its a nice train ride to Geneva from UK via Paris on Eurostar and cheap flights too. I spent a month a year there for a lot of years.

    Be a cool adventure. Your partner can come visit every few weeks for a long weekend or you can pop back. Easyjet serves Geneva, a taxi ride from CERN. It is a hop.

    After 7 years together this should be a breeze. If you are a physicist you don't miss it. A partner worth their salt would know that too... and the best would be encouraging you and suggesting ways to make it work.

    I have had a 16 month and a 14 month time away from home in a 24 year marriage with occasional weekend visits and daily calls. No issues.
     
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2021
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  10. GAS Giant

    GAS Giant Tele-Meister

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    expectation setting is key...IMO
    If I were in that situation I would discuss the following for sure:
    1. Why I want to do this, now, and what I hope to get out of it...why is it urgent and why do I value it so highly...good to revisit that as a piece that will be remembered.
    2. How much in-person time do each of you need?
    3. What are ways to remain an active participant in the relationship (vs. putting things on hold until we see each other again...which is a terrible idea! Someone will break out of that jail in record time). Simple communication stuff - are we going to facetime? What are the logistics of seeing each other in person.
    4. What goals does your OH have for this proposed time? Can these goals be reached while accommodating yours...I would not want to be a position to regard the person who "stays behind" as not having goals of equal value for this period. The only distinction is that you need to be away to accomplish yours...avoid any presumption that assigns a higher value to your personal goals. Frame it in the context of this being a part of the shared plans that the two of you will agree upon. It needs to be clear that it is worth the change and hardships and that you agree to take all necessary steps to keep it a team mission rather than temporarily divergent paths. Just stuff to think about, no prescriptions.
     
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  11. GreatDaneRock

    GreatDaneRock Tele-Afflicted

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    If the job is good and pays $$$, and it probably does as I see you're relocating to Switzerland which has a great standard of living, then fly her over 2-3 times throughout the 12 month period. This way you both can travel around Switzerland and neighboring countries and sightsee a bit of Europe, and the connection remains strong. Today is so much easier to maintain a good connection thanks to video chatting and such. Wish you both the best.
     
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  12. Marc Morfei

    Marc Morfei Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

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    That’s probably true for any relationship, regardless of proximity. ;)
     
  13. Fendereedo

    Fendereedo Poster Extraordinaire

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    My wife, when she was then my girlfriend, went to university right at the very start of our relationship, and I would visit at weekends. This was over a 3 year period back at the middle of the 90s. In the last year I bought a flat near her, and transferred my job. We then moved in together, and haven't looked back.
    At the end of the day, it's what you put into a relationship that counts. If your bond is strong, then things will be fine, but at 7 years I think you can safely say, things will be just fine.
     
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  14. Buzzgrowl

    Buzzgrowl Tele-Meister

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    1. You should not decline a CERN placement.

    2. Easyjet. Geneva airport is "in town" as it gets.

    3. Geneva is a great place to explore (togethere) that part of Europe. Also, lots of hiking and skiing nearby.

    4. If you need a cheap fret job, you're out of luck.
     
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  15. SnidelyWhiplash

    SnidelyWhiplash Friend of Leo's

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    LDRs rarely work out in the long run. Whoever said that absence makes the heart grow fonder is full of ****! :rolleyes:
     
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  16. Lowerleftcoast

    Lowerleftcoast Friend of Leo's

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    Absence makes the heart go wander.

    Good luck with the CERN opportunity and the OH.
     
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  17. Obsessed

    Obsessed Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Correct, that is why I say it might work out or it might not.
     
  18. telepraise

    telepraise Tele-Afflicted

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    Switzerland and England aren't that far apart, especially with your rail system over there. I would think you could manage a weekend together once a month. Am I missing something?
     
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  19. Blue Bill

    Blue Bill Poster Extraordinaire Ad Free Member

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    Of course everyone is different. For my wife and I, we moved to Kauai a few years back, I had a job on a tree farm. After 4 years, she got homesick for the grand kids and went back to Maine. I stayed on the island for another year. We're celebrating our 30th this coming spring. It was fine; we talked on the phone most every day. I played a lot of guitar, joined TDPRI. The time went fast.
     
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  20. Happy Enchilada

    Happy Enchilada Tele-Afflicted

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    Did this once. First wife (then fiance) went to France to study abroad for a semester. I hated about every second of it, and I suspect she strayed, since that was her nature (that's why she was my FIRST wife - now I know better). We ended up living together for several years afterward, then getting married and eventually divorced and frankly I don't need that level of drama ever again.

    Being apart from your gal for a year will tell you much. You'll find out how much both of you are dedicated to "making it work." If it turns out one or both of you strays, well, there's your answer. If not, you better marry her pronto.

    Knowing what I know, I'd kiss her goodbye and stay in touch, but I wouldn't pass up any Swiss cheese that presented itself if you know what I mean. Life is short, my friend.

    Bonus - if it doesn't work out, you can finally understand the blues. That is, if you're not too busy sampling the local cheese.
     
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