Long distance relationship

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by Asmith, Jul 27, 2021.

  1. Asmith

    Asmith Friend of Leo's

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    Has anyone been through a period of long distance in a relationship? (I know some have been stuck in different countries due to the pandemic.)

    I'm applying for a placement abroad and in the very unlikely scenario I'm lucky enough to get the job I will be living in Switzerland for 6 to 12 months. It would be an incredible opportunity but I have lived with my partner for 7 years and there is no way she can stay with me for the duration of the contract due to a number of reasons.

    This is probably a once in a life time opportunity for me and I want to go for it and my partner says I should definitely go for it. But we haven't spent longer than 1 week apart, except for one occasion where she went away for 2 weeks to Costa Rica with uni friends.

    I think I will cope better than my partner because I am good at keeping myself occupied, I talk to a lot of friends online and I'd have the new job. But I am worried about my OH being alone for that long.
     
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2021
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  2. Torren61

    Torren61 Poster Extraordinaire Gold Supporter

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    I "dated" my wife for a year before we were ever in the same hemisphere. We're still together after 16 years. It feels like 26 years, but in a good way...
     
  3. drmordo

    drmordo Tele-Afflicted

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    You should definitely go. Relationships are temporary, your career is forever. Also, spending a year in Switzerland sounds like a great time.

    I'm jealous.
     
  4. J. Bonkosky

    J. Bonkosky Tele-Holic Silver Supporter

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    If it is that important to you then your partner will make it work. That is if your partner is worth a damn. Good luck.
     
  5. naveed211

    naveed211 Friend of Leo's

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    This dude is basically common law married to his sig. other. And people on average change careers 5-7 times in their adult lives.

    Sounds like a cool opportunity and I’m sure they’ll make it work, but I wouldn’t be flippant about it in this case.
     
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  6. stxrus

    stxrus Poster Extraordinaire

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    Both of my attempts failed miserably. It wasn’t anybody’s fault but the connection couldn’t stand the separation.
    That’s just my story. I do know couples that made it work.
    Whatever way your situation turns out I’m pushing for y’all
     
  7. naveed211

    naveed211 Friend of Leo's

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    If it was some girl you’ve been dating for like a year I’d have some concerns. But you’ve been together for seven. You’re well established. It seems like you really care about each other, and if you want to make it work you can for sure, challenging as it’ll be.
     
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  8. drmordo

    drmordo Tele-Afflicted

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    I'm not sure if you are saying I'm being flippant, but I'm not. I meant every word. Every relationship ends, either thru divorce/break-up or death. Like it or not, a career is something you carry with you for life.
     
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  9. trev333

    trev333 Telefied Ad Free Member

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  10. Tenderfoot

    Tenderfoot Tele-Afflicted

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    To answer your question, Yes! I was in the US Navy and several times I was on deployment for six to nine months. One or two phone calls and lots of letter exchanges help maintain a long distance relationship (actually you are in a better position today then back when I was sailing the high seas - you got Facetime, Zoom, Cell Phones, Messenger - these communication methods didn't exist back then).

    First things first is that you need to talk it over with your significant other on how she feels being apart for that amount of time with limited time seeing each other during your absents.
     
  11. brookdalebill

    brookdalebill Tele Axpert Ad Free Member

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    Trite as it sounds, love will find a way.
    Or not.
    My Dad was in the USAF.
    He was gone for 2 years in Italy, and 2 years in Alaska, when I was a child.
    Of course, he had a wife and four kids he loved at the time.
    Different time, different relationship than yours.
    If you and your partner are friends, it ought to work out fine.
     
  12. teletail

    teletail Friend of Leo's

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    +1

    I’ve seen more than a couple guys sacrifice something for a woman and wind up without what they sacrificed and without the woman.
     
  13. Killing Floor

    Killing Floor Friend of Leo's

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    About 5 months for me before we were married. Was difficult but we survived.

    True story. One of my best friends is an expat. He and his wife lived in metro Geneva and she was transferred to Melbourne and due to (can’t say) he had to stay behind for 10 months until Switzerland’s policy about “something” loosened up this spring.
     
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  14. Asmith

    Asmith Friend of Leo's

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    Just clarifying that the situation is very much hypothetical at this point. I'm studying maths at university and the job is a placement at CERN. I doubt I will be successful in my application, they take on 120 students which sounds like a lot but there will be a lot of applicants. I also don't go to a Russell Group university and they are in a position to pick the cream of the crop.
     
  15. WilburBufferson

    WilburBufferson Friend of Leo's

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    I think relationships are more important than jobs in the grand scheme of things. If you two have a solid foundation, trust that your hearts will return to one another, then do it. Wicked that your partner is supportive of your opportunity.

    Can you set up trips/visits? It's important to have things to look forward to, even if you are just writing each other letters the old fashioned way. Technology (e.g., Zoom) has helped people stay connected. Your time difference won't be too bad either. It's also good for people to spend time away from one another. Absence makes the heart grow fonder?
     
  16. 1293

    1293 Poster Extraordinaire

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    My wife and I were 90 miles apart for 5 years. We've been cohabiting for 19. I got more action in the first 5 than in the last 19.
     
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  17. 985plowboy

    985plowboy Friend of Leo's

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    Go if you get the chance.
    If the relationship doesn’t work out, then it wasn’t going to anyway.
     
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  18. Asmith

    Asmith Friend of Leo's

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    I think our relationship is strong enough to get through it, we've lived together for 7 years but we've been together for nearly 9. I'm not worried about drifting apart, I'm worried about her living on her own for such a long time because neither of us have lived alone before.

    I'm pretty sure a career ends with retirement or death. Also after nearly a decade and still happy I wouldn't knowingly throw it away for a 1 year placement, even with the possibilities it could open.
     
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  19. telemnemonics

    telemnemonics Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Sux sux sux.
    That's all I've got.
    Three months is a long damn time, so is three weeks.
     
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  20. Asmith

    Asmith Friend of Leo's

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    Yes she is definitely supportive on this, a lot more than I thought. Setting up trips should be possible and it is something she would be very excited for. I also agree that in the long run, time apart can make a relationship stronger but 6 to 12 months is probably overkill. :lol:
     
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