Life's Embarrassing Moments....Let's Hear Some....

[tubedude]

I was flying back stateside from Germany. We were landing first at Logan in Boston. It's an eight hour flight and near the end it was cloudy as hell and the turbulence increased to a level creating concern amongst the passengers. I was looking out the window, and the clouds broke and I saw a patch of rapidly moving ocean maybe 30 feet below. Alarmed, I yelled F×c#, WE'RE GOING IN! A few passengers screamed. Seconds later we hit the runway. Never having flown through Logan, I didn't know the runway extends out into the ocean. Waiting in line to exit the plane was the longest week of my life.

 

[Larry F]

I used to take the Metro train into downtown Chicago. The public bathrooms in the terminal got a lot of use by commuters, including me. Because of its location, homeless guys sometimes tried to wash up in the toilet stalls. The resulting odor from that combined with the ever-popular smell of the line of urinals was distinct, to say the least.

One morning, I rushed in and, to my surprise, the smell was gone. Not only that, but the sinks were sparkling clean and the lights were all working. Finally! It seemed that a couple of ladies there were fixing their makeup...Wait! What are ladies doing in here...Wait What am I doing in the ladies' restroom? Oh-oh. I flew right out of there, and found my way to the stinky old men's room, funky as ever. The difference between the two restrooms was huge. Because of the layout in the terminal, it would be easy to make the same mistake as I. But, being Chicago, no one even batted an eyelash.

 

[vgallagher]

I pooped my pants in first grade. At the time that was pretty traumatic but now when I tell my kids we laugh.

 

[getbent]

I had an engagement to speak to a large group of people (probably 300 people) which was to start at like 8 or 8:30 in the morning. I decided to just drive to the event and not stay over (about a 2:30 drive) so, I got up early got dressed and hustled on my way. I stopped for coffee and knowing it was super hot, I left it in the cup holder. When I went to pick it up, right then a car cut me off and I had to swerve AND slam on my brakes. The lid was apparently not on very well and coffee went everywhere.

From this day forth, I kept a suitcase with a change of everything in my trunk. But, I had nothing. What is open at 6:30 in the morning? Walmart! I go in, covered in coffee, get a pair of khakis, the UGLIEST shirt I could find, buy it with the clerk not even noticing how wet and freaked out I look.

I go to the parking lot and just change there, (down to my undies, nobody around) I get to the meeting, the host announces me and I go to the stage and give my talk/presentation. It was a pretty well practiced thing, and there were some pretty good jokes I thought, and the crowd was very responsive and kind. I was feeling pretty relieved... as I concluded I walked back to the microphone stand and returned the mic, the host appeared and was a senior leader of the organization. He commented on what a fine job I'd done and that of all the things he learned that day from my message, one of the most interesting was that I wear 34X36 trousers. He reaches down and pulls off the clear sticker thingy that has 34X36 on it all the way down the pant leg.

The place ERUPTS. I can do nothing but just kind of stand there.... and laugh.

 

[tery]

I called Steve Harvey - Paul Harvey live on TDPRI

 

[johnny k]

Soundcheck, and it was dragging on. I decided to help the sound guy by placing the snare mic in front of the kick drum. I was trying to help, and the soundguy needed a good 30 minutes in order to find why the kick drum volume was getting louder when he touched the snare volume. I wasn't too proud of myself.

The snare mic was on little stand, so i thought it must go in front of the kick drum. No.

 

[FenderGyrl]

I was running late to leave for work. I had to take in a crockpot of chili for a pot luck lunch party. I was getting dressed and my dog wanted to go out. I threw a hoodie on and got him outside.

One thing led to another, I got the dog back in and got my car loaded up. I took off for work. Got there and parked up front... grabbed my work case, my laptop, and the crockpot.. headed into the building.

Got into the office and met a coworker who offered to carry the crockpot to the breakroom. I grabbed my bag with all the spoons, etc..

Walking down the hallway I unzipped my hoodie and thought
"Geez.. its drafty and cold in here"...
Looked down and realized I never put a shirt on, just the hoodie.
My coworker almost dropped the crockpot from laughing so hard.

 

[EugeneWeemich]

Ah, yes.... ages ago...

I was flying back back to my University after Thanksgiving break.

Before boarding on the airplane my stomach started to hurt. I got on the plane and for the hour and a 1/2 long flight and my stomach got worse and worse.

My mouth started to do that whole pre-vomit saliva thing and it was all I could do to stay mentally focused and not vomit. I was sweating profusely and quietly grabbed a vomit bag just in case.

I managed to make it through the whole flight without throwing up.

But, but kind of like when you really have to pee and you get close to a bathroom and suddenly you really have to go go, the same thing happened to me needing to vomit when the plane pulled up to the terminal. When I stood up to get off the plane all the sudden the urge to heave became much worse. That gross mouth saliva thing was going crazy and it was all I could do to not heave. I kept telling myself don't vomit don't vomit don't vomit don't vomit.

Finally I made it to the the gangway and ran into the terminal and I could tell you the internal clock of me vomiting started to count down 5, 4, 3, 2,....

I am freaking out because the terminal was full of people and I had to heave...right now!

I ran over to some railing nearby and let go. As it turns out where I was throwing up was actually a circular stairwell that lead down to the tarmac below.

So I basically vomited this gross amount and watched it fall all the way down through the middle of the stairwell about 35' feet, where it splattered in all directions when it hit the tile. Just awful.

I turned around to see if anybody noticed and of course there were probably 30 or 40 people watching me who were aghast at the horrific scene they had just watched.

I was so embarrassed...

So I got the heck out of there as fast as I could, and about halfway down to the main airport area I saw my friends who came to pick me up.

Then I heard the announcement, "we need a janitor at gate number 10".

I have to tell you I feel really bad for the guy who had to clean up that mess and I promise if I ever win the lottery I will go find that guy or his surviving family and pay them a good chunk of cash with a sincere apology.

What a lovely experience.

 

[twangking]

Had some fast food and iced coffee from Dunkin Donuts. My lady and i were halfway through a hike in the middle of nowhere in the white mountains. Just a brutal path with almost nowhere to stop and turning around would have been at least four hours. Two hours in I get violently ill. Hadn't eaten anything for about 12 hours and this food went right through me, literally. Dropped my pants and performed the most violent and projectile dump you can imagine. My girlfriend said it coated the tree and couldn't believe it. She said the sounds were unholy and that it caused her mental distress. Wiped with leaves and turned around and drove home an hour away.

 

[Wrighty]

3 Star General carrying an arm full of folders and paperwork on one side of a door, and me late for a meeting on the other side of the door. I burst through the door, not knowing he was on the other side of course, and knocked his hat and all his papers right outta his hands, and they flew all over the place!!! I thought "This is it. This is how I leave this world... I'm a dead man now..." I scramble and scramble to pick up all his papers, repeatedly saying to him "I'm so sorry Sir! I'm so sorry Sir! I'm so sorry Sir!" As I hand his papers and hat back to him, fully expecting to be executed by firing squad within the hour, he looks at me and says "That's ok, son. It's not the first time I've been knocked on my A**!" LOL!!! ROTFLMAO!!! We both laughed, saluted, and carried on What a great guy he was. And yes... I was late to my meeting

………for which you were court marshaled!!

 

[Larry F]

In my hometown, basketball was king. Our teams always did very well and drew large crowds. During one game at home, the coach called some guy up from the bench to go in. The guy pulled down his sweatpants, then the whole crowd could see that he didn't have any shorts on. Just a jockstrap. I was told that the poor kid wanted to quit school. His coach and teachers managed to talk him into returning. Poor guy.

 

[dsutton24]

We use caustic soda in part of our manufacturing process. I was replacing part of the caustic plumbing, and didn't realize a few drops had gotten into my shoe. When I changed out of my uniform to go home, I discovered that I had a quarter-sized third degree burn on my foot, it hadn't started hurting - yet. I went into the shop and stuck my foot in the sink and proceeded to run water over the burn and clean it up. I guess this is a good time to mention that we had some pretty high profile visitors that day, and one had to walk in just then. I'm standing there with my foot in the sink, he doesn't have a clue as to who I am. We just kind of did the, "Hi, howya doin?" thing and he moved on.

Oh well, he's got a story to tell.

 

[JL_LI]

I was out with my gf, a faculty brat, my sophomore year in college. That was the year before coed visitation in dorm rooms. She was still a high school senior and her parents didn’t allow certain things at home. It was too early to bring her home so I drove down a gravel road and found a place to pull off. We had our fun. I started my car, put it in drive, and the wheels just spun. Drive or reverse, they spun digging in up to the axel. We were in deep. Car and trouble. We started walking and a house nearby had its lights on. We rang the bell and a guy in overalls came to the door casually carrying a rifle. I have no idea if our explanation made any sense considering what we were trying to cover. This kind gentleman called her home and explained that he found us out of gas on US 40 and offered us a lift but he figured he better call ahead as it was getting late.

I called him the next morning to find out where to send a tow. He told me he used his tractor to pull my car out of his field and that he dropped it at the side of the road with the keys in the glove box.

I got a ride out that afternoon and saw that I had driven 50 yards into his just plowed field.

 

[Fenderbaum]

I once was so drunk i vomited all over myself in the taxi on the way home.
Not a single drop on the interior, All on my shirt.
I remember he drove fast with windows down.

 

[Quexoz]

Most recently, wired this jack backwards and was stumped as to why I was getting static

View attachment 937135

You sure wired it nicely though!

For me was probably the time I had to stand up in prison and announce to 49 convicts (50 man dorm style, not cells) that the next person that put their muddy boots on my bunk while I was out working the "hoe squad" was going to have a problem....then waiting, to see if 8 dudes jumped me or not. Scary as f***!

 

[studio1087]

I was so tired at a gig once that I stood onstage listening to our other guitar player play a solo. I actually forgot that I was in the band and when it time for me to sing again I couldn't figure out why there no vocala. Our bass played kicked my shin and yelled "sing you drowsy ***hole. I was stunned.

 

[pixeljammer]

dealing with one of the last greasers I ever saw

What's a greaser?

 

[StevesBoogie]

I signed my then-5 year old daughter up for her first group swim lessons, and attended the orientation at the pool with about 8 other sets of parents and 2 instructors.

The head instructor went around to each parent asking about their respective child's current swimming ability and one or two other quick questions.

When I was addressed, I stated "you know, she's not that bad, it's not like she's doing doggy style or anything ..... DOGGY PADDLE!!! I MEANT DOGGY PADDLE!!!!!"

Holy cow. There was some small giggles, but not enough to overcome the other collective gasps. I immediately thought of one of those Southwest Airline commercials 'Wanna Get Away?'

 

[tomkatf]

What's a greaser?

Photo by Danny Lyon

 

[draggindakota]

In 6th grade our end of the year band trip was to a water park. I couldn't swim, like at all. A lead weight could dog paddle better than I could, but I went anyway.

Most of the day was pretty fun until I got myself a big tube and went into the big wave pool. It didn't take long for me to get sucked almost all the way back by the wave generators and I couldn't get any traction anywhere to get back to shallow water. I floated out there quietly crying but too embarrassed to yell for help for over an hour until a cute 8th grade girl from my school noticed me and pulled me to the side.