Joke for Friday

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by blowtorch, Feb 10, 2017.

  1. Guitarteach

    Guitarteach Poster Extraordinaire

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    A forum member tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game!
     
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  2. Guitarteach

    Guitarteach Poster Extraordinaire

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    I've got a new pop science book about anti-gravity research.

    I'll tell you, I can't put it down!
     
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  3. Guitarteach

    Guitarteach Poster Extraordinaire

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    Kid 'Mummy. Does Santa live in Brazil?'

    Mum No. Why did you say that honey?

    Kid Well, all my Christmas presents say they came from Amazon
     
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  4. Bristlehound

    Bristlehound Friend of Leo's

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    "Damn, the marquee's collapsed"
    "Oh no! It's a portent!"
     
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  5. kidmo

    kidmo Friend of Leo's

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    What's the difference between a bicycle?
    A banana. Vests don't have sleeves.
     
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  6. howlin

    howlin Tele-Afflicted

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    Did you know that before becoming a singer Ozzy Osborne was a comedian?

    He was know as Komic Ozzy . . .
     
  7. w3stie

    w3stie Poster Extraordinaire

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    Did you know that if model Claudia Schiffer married Brains from the Thunderbirds, she'd be Claudia Schiffer-Brains.
     
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  8. callasabra

    callasabra Tele-Afflicted

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    You could like it, then post about you liking it and then post on facebook/twitter/etc about you posting that you liked it. Then get a friend to take a picture of you liking it and then have them post it.

    Probably need to hashtag something too.
     
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  9. Tony474

    Tony474 Poster Extraordinaire Platinum Supporter

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    That works, or doesn't work, according to your accent...
     
  10. Tony474

    Tony474 Poster Extraordinaire Platinum Supporter

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    ...and if Isla Blair married Barry White, then divorced him and married Brian Ferry, she'd be Isla White-Ferry.
     
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  11. Lake Placid Blue

    Lake Placid Blue Poster Extraordinaire

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    If Ella Fitzgerald married Darth Vader she would be Ella Vader.
     
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  12. Lake Placid Blue

    Lake Placid Blue Poster Extraordinaire

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    If Bea Arthur married Sting she would be Bea Sting.
     
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  13. dlew919

    dlew919 Poster Extraordinaire

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    Chuck berry should have married Berry Gordy. Then you'd get berry berry. Or chuck berry-Gordy.

    And of course the drummer from the Band and the werewolf from London would give us Levon Zevon.
     
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  14. Nickadermis

    Nickadermis Friend of Leo's

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    Actually a friend of mine, A young lady with the last name of "Bader" worked for the Cousteau Society In the 80's and became a diving instructor.


    Yep Dive MasterBader !
     
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  15. Guitarteach

    Guitarteach Poster Extraordinaire

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    A know a Mike Hunt
     
  16. callasabra

    callasabra Tele-Afflicted

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    If Anita Hill married Moby Dick......
    Well, you can't marry a whale
     
  17. callasabra

    callasabra Tele-Afflicted

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    I found this on the internet so I can't take credit for it:

    On guitarist said to another:
    "I think my wife is cheating on me. I am a working musician and, as you would expect, travel a lot. I have been noticing strange things happening when I get home. Her mobile phone rings and she steps outside to answer it or she says, "I'll call you back later". When I ask her who called she gets evasive. Sometimes she goes out with friends but comes home late, getting dropped off around the corner and walking the rest of the way. I once picked up the extension while she was on the phone and she got very angry.

    A buddy of mine plays guitar in a band. He told me that my wife and some guy have been to his gigs. He wanted to borrow my guitar amp. That's when I got the idea to find out for myself what was really happening. I said, "Sure, you can use my amp but I want to hide behind it at the gig and see if she comes into the venue, and who she comes in with". He agreed.

    Saturday night came and I slipped behind my Marshall JCM800 half stack to get a good view. It wasn't long before I saw my wife come in with another guy. He bought them drinks and they sat down, conversing flirtatiously with each other. Then, after a while, he got up to go to the bathroom, and she started flirting with the bartender! She wrote something (I'm assuming her cell number) on a bar napkin and gave it to him. He gave her a wink and a nod. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. My wife - the sweet little coquette!! At this point it was getting awfully warm for me. I was sweating. I could feel the heat coming off the back of the amp. It was at that moment, crouching down behind the amp, that I noticed that one of the tubes was not glowing as bright as the other three. Is this something I can fix myself or do need to take it to a technician?"
     
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  18. ebb soul

    ebb soul Poster Extraordinaire

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    If Yoko Ono married Dwight Yokam, she'd be Yoko Yokam.
     
  19. richiek65

    richiek65 Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

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    If Whitney Houston married Gene Pitney.. you can work out the rest..
     
  20. dlew919

    dlew919 Poster Extraordinaire

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    Gene Houston?
     
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