Joke for Friday

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by blowtorch, Feb 10, 2017.

  1. Mid Life Crisis

    Mid Life Crisis Poster Extraordinaire

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    It's a Jamaican phrase, as in Up Town Top Ranking:

    See me in me heels and ting
    Dem check sey we hip and ting
     
  2. Seasicksailor

    Seasicksailor Friend of Leo's

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    Aaah! Thanks!
     
  3. Newbcaster

    Newbcaster Tele-Holic

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    what do you call 3 chess grandmasters bragging about their wins at a venue hotel lobby?

    Chessnuts boasting in an open foyer..



    I love Eggs benedict...but i never forget to serve it on a hubcap

    because theres no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise...
     
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  4. BigDaddyLH

    BigDaddyLH Tele Axpert Ad Free Member

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    [​IMG]
     
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  5. Seasicksailor

    Seasicksailor Friend of Leo's

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    Hahah! That helps even more!
     
  6. Guitarteach

    Guitarteach Poster Extraordinaire

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    Seeing as it's Friday...


    I went to a gardening store yesterday. I really did not like the place.

    It was 'seedy'.
     
  7. Guitarteach

    Guitarteach Poster Extraordinaire

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    A couple of big girls go to a bar. A guy hears them talking.

    'Hey. What great accents you have. Do you lovely ladies happen to be from Ireland?'

    'No it's Wales - Dummy!', exclaims one of the girls.

    'Oh Sorry', the guy says. 'Are you whales from Ireland?'



    .... and that is when it all kicked off!!!!
     
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  8. Tony474

    Tony474 Poster Extraordinaire Platinum Supporter

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    Jost tink aboat it...
     
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  9. skippolony

    skippolony Tele-Meister

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    I have recently been seeing this nurse, finally last night we got round to going to bed together, I stood naked in front of her and said 'you'll have seen a few of these' indicating my proudest possession, 'whaddya think?'

    'Not bad' she said, 'a bit bigger than I normally see'.

    Feeling really proud now I asked,' What sort of nursing do you do?'

    'I'm a midwife' she said.
     
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  10. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

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    A bird in hand,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,is probably going to poop in your hand.
     
  11. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

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    When you're waiting on your wife, it's probably better if she's late than pregnant.
     
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  12. Lake Placid Blue

    Lake Placid Blue Poster Extraordinaire

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    IMG_0639.JPG
     
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  13. skippolony

    skippolony Tele-Meister

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    LONDON LAWYER VS GLASGOW COP


    A London lawyer runs a STOP sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper.
    The lawyer thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education then any cop.
    He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cops expense!!
    Glasgow cop says, " Licence and registration, please."
    London Lawyer says, "What for?"
    Glasgow cop says, "Ye didnae come tae a complete stop at the stop sign."
    London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
    Glasgow cop says, "Ye still didnae come tae a complete stop. Licence and registration, please"
    London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
    Glasgow cop says, "The difference is, ye huvte come tae a complete stop, that's the law, Licence and registration, please!"
    London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my licence and registration and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."
    Glasgow cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."
    The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.
    The Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts beating the crap out of the lawyer and says,

    "Dae ye want me tae stop, or jist slow doon?"
     
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  14. w3stie

    w3stie Poster Extraordinaire

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  15. skippolony

    skippolony Tele-Meister

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    :):D:D:lol::lol::lol:
     
  16. NickDanger

    NickDanger Tele-Meister

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  17. Lake Placid Blue

    Lake Placid Blue Poster Extraordinaire

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    IMG_0669.JPG
     
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  18. skippolony

    skippolony Tele-Meister

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    A man left work on Friday afternoon and since it was payday, instead of going home, he stayed
    out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay check.
    When he finally got home on Sunday night he was confronted by his wife and was barraged for
    over 2 hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped nagging and said" how
    would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days" to which he replied "that would be
    fine with me." Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday went by
    with the same result. Come Thursday the swelling had gone just enough for him to see her out
    of the corner of his left eye.
     
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  19. Guitarteach

    Guitarteach Poster Extraordinaire

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    I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
     
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  20. Tony474

    Tony474 Poster Extraordinaire Platinum Supporter

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    Definition of mixed emotions: seeing your mother-in-law driving off a cliff in your new car.
     
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