Joke for Friday

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by blowtorch, Feb 10, 2017.

  1. Guitarteach

    Guitarteach Poster Extraordinaire

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    My wife went to the Caribbean.

    Oh, Jamaica?

    No, she went of her own accord.
     
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  2. dlew919

    dlew919 Poster Extraordinaire

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    Take my wife. Please.
     
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  3. HoodieMcFoodie

    HoodieMcFoodie Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    My dog has no nose.

    How does he smell?

    Terrible.
     
  4. Guitarteach

    Guitarteach Poster Extraordinaire

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    What do you call a girl that catches butterflies?..... Annette.


    What do you call a girl who sets fire to all her bills instead of paying them?.... Bernadette.


    BILL POSTERS WILL BE PROSECUTED

    Who the hell is Bill Posters and what did he do?
     
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  5. dlew919

    dlew919 Poster Extraordinaire

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    What do you call a woman with one leg?

    Eileen

    What do you call a man with a shovel?

    Doug

    What do you call a man without a shovel?

    Douglas
     
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  6. RoyBGood

    RoyBGood Doctor of Teleocity

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    ...Reminds me of the surreal variation on Rik Mayall and Ade Edmonson's ''Bottom'':

    SPUDGUN (trying to start the joke): 'My wife's gone to the West Indies.'

    EDDIE (ruining it): 'I didn't know that.'

    SPUDGUN: ....'Yeah, she went last Thursday.'
     
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  7. Guitarteach

    Guitarteach Poster Extraordinaire

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    A bus load of terrapins crashed into a concert hall full of tortoises... it was a Turtle Disaster
     
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  8. RoyBGood

    RoyBGood Doctor of Teleocity

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    ^ :lol:
     
  9. Guitarteach

    Guitarteach Poster Extraordinaire

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    Two blondes were talking. 'I slept with a Brazilian!' one said.

    'Oh you absolute slut' her friend replied....'How many is that?'
     
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  10. unixfish

    unixfish Doctor of Teleocity Silver Supporter

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    If you are going to make fun of me, at least have the courage to mention me by name! :lol::lol::lol:
     
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  11. BigDaddyLH

    BigDaddyLH Tele Axpert Ad Free Member

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    Then there was Sammy the Snail who was so tired of moving slowly that he bought a red sports car with a big S for Sammy painted on the hood. When he zipped by people excalimed in shock, "look at that S car go!"
     
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  12. skippolony

    skippolony Tele-Meister

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    A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him. Nice bike, the cop said. Did Santa bring it to you? Yep, the little girl said, he sure did! The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a 5 dollar ticket for a safety violation and said, Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it. The young girl looked up at the cop and said, Nice horse you've got there sir. Did Santa bring it to you? Yes, he sure did, chuckled the cop. The little girl looked up at the cop and said, Next year, tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top! [​IMG]
     
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  13. RoyBGood

    RoyBGood Doctor of Teleocity

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    Assistant: 'Next customer.'
    Customer: 'Fish and chips twice, to take out, please.
    Pause...
    Assistant: 'You're a drummer, aren't you?'
    Customer: 'Why yes I am - how could you tell?'
    Assistant: 'This is a shoe shop.'


    (with sincere apologies to drummers everywhere!)
     
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  14. Guitarteach

    Guitarteach Poster Extraordinaire

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    If I had 50p for every mathematics exam I've failed, I'd have £2.30
     
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  15. Seasicksailor

    Seasicksailor Friend of Leo's

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    How do you transform a duck into a soul singer?

    ...

    You cook it in the over until its bill withers.
     
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  16. Guitarteach

    Guitarteach Poster Extraordinaire

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    'Aim for the stars,'

    ... just take care of their bodyguards first!
     
  17. Guitarteach

    Guitarteach Poster Extraordinaire

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    "Hey, your printer is making music!!"

    "Damn. It's jamming again"
     
  18. BigDaddyLH

    BigDaddyLH Tele Axpert Ad Free Member

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    [​IMG]
     
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  19. Guitarteach

    Guitarteach Poster Extraordinaire

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    Hey. I'm a drummer! I don't get it?
     
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  20. Guitarteach

    Guitarteach Poster Extraordinaire

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    I had a really huge bowl of alphabet spaghetti earlier today.

    I've just had a vowel movement.
     
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