Joke for Friday

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by blowtorch, Feb 10, 2017.

  1. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    My friend drank the blue water from the magic 8 ball and it gave him the power to see the future.


    I know this is true, because he said he was gonna die, and then he did





    :lol:




    (credit where it's due-I got this one from my sons)
     
  2. adeiderich

    adeiderich Tele-Afflicted

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    Why don't chickens wear underwear?
    v
    v
    v
    v
    Because their pecker is on their face!
     
  3. william tele

    william tele Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    It's not uncommon for a parent to blame his kids for stuff....
     
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  4. RoyBGood

    RoyBGood Doctor of Teleocity

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    Here's my favourite 'Knock-Knock' joke.

    Ready?

    Ok, you start...
     
  5. Bones

    Bones Telefied Ad Free Member

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    And I just took you off my "ignore" list.

    Oh well.
     
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2017
  6. Nubs

    Nubs Friend of Leo's

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    Who's there Ricky?
     
  7. brogh

    brogh Assistant Admin Staff Member

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    uuuuuuu this is gonna be fun :)

    two men are crossing the street and one say to the other :

    "hey watch out for the manhole !"

    "which manholeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"
     
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  8. ebb soul

    ebb soul Poster Extraordinaire

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    Ok it's Friday.
    The jokes can start now.
     
  9. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Now see what you done gone and done? :eek::lol::lol::lol:
     
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  10. telleutelleme

    telleutelleme Doctor of Teleocity Silver Supporter

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    Before reading your joke I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
     
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  11. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Well so far, you've gotten back on one guy's ignore list, and another to get on the brain donor list. I dunno BT, maybe comedy... Hmm, on second thought KEEP 'EM COMING! :D:D
     
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  12. Tazz3

    Tazz3 Friend of Leo's

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    Blonde joke 2 blondes are talking one says to the other
    I took a pregnecy test today the other blond says was it hard lol
     
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  13. chiefline

    chiefline Tele-Holic

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    My wife and i were happy for 20 years. Then we met
     
  14. kidmo

    kidmo Friend of Leo's

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    how do you catch an unique rabbit?
    unique up on him.
    how do you catch a tame rabbit?
    tame way
     
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  15. charlie chitlin

    charlie chitlin Doctor of Teleocity Silver Supporter

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    Doc...I'm really starting to think I'm a dog.
    OK...get on the couch and we'll talk about it.
    I'm not allowed on the couch.
     
  16. RoyBGood

    RoyBGood Doctor of Teleocity

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    Q: What's the first thought that should cross your mind at the sight of a dozen lawyers buried up to their necks in cement?

    A: 'Need more cement.'
     
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  17. brookdalebill

    brookdalebill Tele Axpert Ad Free Member

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    Full disclosure, I know, and have nothing against lawyers.

    What's the difference between a lawyer and a flounder?
    One is a cold, slimy bottom-feeder, and the other is a fish.
     
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  18. RoyBGood

    RoyBGood Doctor of Teleocity

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    What do a single sperm and a lawyer have in common?
    - they both have a one in a million chance of becoming a human being.

    (I too have nothing against lawyers, but forum rules prevented me from using the 'P' word).
     
  19. FenderGyrl

    FenderGyrl Friend of Leo's

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    Why did Simbas father die?
    Because he couldn't MUFASA :rolleyes:

    Did you hear about the Red Ship and the Blue Ship that collided?
    Both of their Crews were MAROONED :twisted:

    What did the Buddhist say to the Hot Dog Vendor?
    Make me ONE WITH EVERYTHING :confused:

    What Type of Music do Mummies listen to?
    WRAP MUSIC :cool:

    What do you call it when a Dinosaur wrecks his Car?
    TYRANNOSAURUS WRECKS :p

    What do you call a Bear with No Teeth?
    A GUMMY BEAR :rolleyes:

    What do you call a Deer with No Eye?
    NO IDEAR :cry:

    Why did the Little Cookie Cry?
    BECAUSE HIS MOTHER WAS A WAFER SO LONG o_O

    Whats Brown and Sticky?
    A STICK :mad:

    What do you call a Nosey Pepper?
    JALAPENO BUSINESS :twisted:

    What did the Worker at the Rubber Band Factory say when he lost his job?
    OH SNAP :eek:

    What do you get if you Divide the Circumference of a Pumpkin by its Diameter?
    PUMPKIN PI :D

    Why wouldn't the Shrimp share his Treasure?
    BECAUSE HE WAS A LITTLE SHELLFISH

    How does an Octopus go to War?
    WELL ARMED :rolleyes:

    Why did the Skeleton go to the Party alone?
    BECAUSE HE HAD NO BODY TO GO WITH HIM :mad:

    Why shouldn't you try to write with a Broken Pencil?
    BECAUSE ITS POINTLESS :lol:

    What kind of Horses go out after Dusk?
    NIGHT MARES :rolleyes:

    What do Cats eat for Breakfast?
    MICE KRISPIES :cry:

    What did the Grape say when it was Stepped On?
    NOTHING...IT JUST LET OUT A LITTLE WHINE :twisted:

    What is the Definition of a Great Farmer?
    A MAN OUT STANDING IN HIS FIELD :lol:

    Whats it called when you Lend Money to a Bison?
    A BUFFA - LOAN :mad:

    Whats the best way to Carve Wood?
    WHITTLE BY WHITTLE :cool:
     
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  20. RoyBGood

    RoyBGood Doctor of Teleocity

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    Loved the Buddhist one!

    Blonde in a supermarket aisle transfixed by the writing on a carton of orange juice.
    FRIEND: ''Why are you doing that?''
    BLONDE: ''It says Concentrate''.
    (note my version is non gender-specific so I can't be accused of sexism either way!)
     
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