I've Got Everything But the Blues, original song

Harry Styron

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I seem to feel free to give advice, but rarely post my own compositions for critique. So here's one.


It features my recently rebuilt 1954 Gretsch Synchromatic, which I'm playing through a Cube Street on the "Black Panel" setting (whatever that means). I'm recording with the built-in camera and microphone on my fairly new iMac.

I purchased this guitar late last year. It needed a neck reset and reset. I added a Bill Lawrence "Johnny Smith" pickup and a new pickguard that was sturdy enough to hold the knobs. My luthier did a great job. I'd give out his name, but he is not seeking work.

Here's are word and chords:

I’ve Got Everything But the Blues

E7 Am
When I woke up this morning

F7 E7 Am
My lips were an inch from her cheek

Am
As I lay there beside her

Am E7 slide to F7 and back to E7
I can feel her warm body breathe

Am F7
My left arm is under the pillow

Am6 F9
That cradles her lovely head

Am E7 Am E7
And I’ve got everything but the blues


VERSE 2
My legs are tangled up with hers
My right hand sticks on her like a leaf
I dare not disturb this peaceful scene
I hope no damn alarm clock rings
I’ve got everything but the blues [Am7-G#m7-Gm7)


BRIDGE

Gm7 C7 Fmaj7. F6
In the east the sky is glowing

Gm7 C7 Fmaj7 F6
And I know that soon she’ll have to go


Em7-5 A7-9 Dmaj7 D6
I feel so good when we’re together

Am7 G# Gm7 G7
I fall apart when I’m alone




VERSE 3
She hops out beds and into the shower
She sings as the water runs through her hair
When she goes she says she loves me too
But I always have to hunt for clues
That I had everything but the blues
 
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teletimetx

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I’m sure you’re right, but I’m not sure what you mean. Are you suggesting having a fuller musical arrangement and a good solo?

Great song, Harry! Especially liked the chromatic shift in the bridge.

I think the comment on background relates only to the visuals behind you in your video - I don’t have any suggestions, but the song is surely worthy of an interesting video.
 

elihu

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What a great song Harry. And the lyric…well your heart shows through big time. Courageous!

And the Gretsch sounds good too.
 

Charlie Bernstein

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Great song, Harry! Especially liked the chromatic shift in the bridge.

I think the comment on background relates only to the visuals behind you in your video - I don’t have any suggestions, but the song is surely worthy of an interesting video.
Eh. Some of us write songs, some of us are graphics people, some are neither, some are both. Me, I'm a songwriter, not a videographer. I leave the MTV fodder to them. Harry's probably works that way, too.

And anyhow, who doesn't love knotty pine? Nobody!
 

Toast

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Nice tune. I enjoyed it. I would make one tiny change (constructive, hopefully, criticism).

I dare not disturb this peaceful scene => I dare not disturb this peace

 

kbold

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No chorus? .... that's OK I can live with that.

I feel a bit uncomfortable with the line "I fall apart when I’m alone".
It sounds overtly negative IMO.
I would prefer something along the lines of "I yearn for her return" .... (but it's your song/feelings to express).
It also is in opposition to the theme of the song .... I mean, you'd say "I fall apart when I'm alone" when you've got the blues.

Just my tuppence.
 

Harry Styron

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No chorus? .... that's OK I can live with that.

I feel a bit uncomfortable with the line "I fall apart when I’m alone".
It sounds overtly negative IMO.
I would prefer something along the lines of "I yearn for her return" .... (but it's your song/feelings to express).
It also is in opposition to the theme of the song .... I mean, you'd say "I fall apart when I'm alone" when you've got the blues.

Just my tuppence.
Good points. Thanks.

My explanation is that the last two lines on the bridge summarize the entire song.

The third line of the bridge summarizes the first two verses the joyful part and the last line is the blues part, that is depicted in the third verse. If I wanted this song to be all joy, I wouldn’t have put it in a minor blues musical setting.

I post songs here in the hope of getting honest comments, so I’ll learn. Thanks. You’ve given me something to think about, so I’ll try to figure out a way to make my point clearer.
 
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Charlie Bernstein

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No chorus? .... that's OK I can live with that.

I feel a bit uncomfortable with the line "I fall apart when I’m alone".
It sounds overtly negative IMO.
I would prefer something along the lines of "I yearn for her return" .... (but it's your song/feelings to express)
Looks like you have a nice line for your next song, Kbold!
It also is in opposition to the theme of the song .... I mean, you'd say "I fall apart when I'm alone" when you've got the blues. . . .
Sometimes critiques here remind me of that scene if Silver Lining Playbook where the Bradley Cooper character gets mad at Hemingway for how he ended A Farewell to Arms.

The guy in the song is saying he's not alone, so he's not falling apart or blue.

Makes sense to me!
 

Charlie Bernstein

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. . . I post songs here in the hope of getting honest comments, so I’ll learn. Thanks. You’ve given me something to think about, so I’ll try to figure out a way to make my point clearer.
It's clear enough: You're happy. Why? Because you're with the one you love. (Okay, she's in the shower, but she's near enough for your artistic purposes.) If you weren't with her, you'd be blue.

My approach to this forum: When I post songs here and get suggestions on how to change them, I just file the comments for future songs. I rarely post before a song is done. For me, the forum mainly as a show-and-tell place. But it's always interesting and sometimes useful to know what people think, even though I don't usually plan to change the song I've posted.

But I've also found that when I do post a question about a song I've written (a memorable one was "Which verses would you get rid of?"), I get a few comments that answer questions I didn't ask.

That's the peril of critique threads in public forums: You get what you pay for!
 

kbold

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The guy in the song is saying he's not alone, so he's not falling apart or blue.
Hmmm .. I see your point.
But ... in the bridge he says: "I know that soon she'll have to go." (Maybe off to work for the day or something.)
So at that point he will be alone, and so, falling apart.

Looks like you have a nice line for your next song, Kbold!
I didn't think of that .... Hmmmm. Time to ruminate.
Love songs aren't my specialty (actually I don't specialise in anything, songwise), so my critique should perhaps be taken with a grain of salt. Especially since it's also free.
Often my critique method (my self critique, and perhaps my writing method) is to look at the song line by line; with attention to imagery, sometimes at the expense of the storyline.

But I've also found that when I do post a question about a song I've written (a memorable one was "Which verses would you get rid of?"), I get a few comments that answer questions I didn't ask.
ooops .... I think I just went there.

I post songs here in the hope of getting honest comments
My comments were with respect to your posting for critique.
5 people will give you 5 points of view, since everyones imagery/response to a song is different.
You're unlikely to get "That's all nicey-nicey" from me: I see no value in such dialogue.

Ahhh, the life of an armchair critic. I think I'll have a nip of cognac and glow in the warmth.
 

Charlie Bernstein

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Hmmm .. I see your point.
But ... in the bridge he says: "I know that soon she'll have to go." (Maybe off to work for the day or something.)
So at that point he will be alone, and so, falling apart.
I know! Yikes! Poor guy!
Love songs aren't my specialty
Yeah, I don't write 'em, either. They make me feel squeemy. Plus, they break up with you and you can't sing the song anymore. (I have written a song about that. Scroll down to track #9 here.)
(actually I don't specialise in anything, songwise), so my critique should perhaps be taken with a grain of salt. Especially since it's also free.
My songs tend to be about trucks, trains, sunrise, sunset, booze, food, God, Satan, Jesus, heaven, hell, purgatory, men, women, rivers, mountains, deserts, murder, and mayhem.

And I have three about Jerry Garcia.
Often my critique method (my self critique, and perhaps my writing method) is to look at the song line by line; with attention to imagery, sometimes at the expense of the storyline.
Same here. Regardless of subject and genre, I just try to understand what the writer is trying to do and think about whether it's working.

Your comments all went in that direction, too, which I appreciated.

I balk at getting too word-smithy, something we all fall into occasionally. I try to save that impulse for when I learn a cover tune. I always change something — sometimes almost everything.
My comments were with respect to your posting for critique.
5 people will give you 5 points of view, since everyones imagery/response to a song is different.
Yup. Trust my critiques. I'm always right, and I never lie.
You're unlikely to get "That's all nicey-nicey" from me: I see no value in such dialogue.
Nope. I just try to figure out whether a songwriter's song is achieving what the songwriter wants to achieve.

What are their questions? What are they wondering about? When they feel like the song is good, it's good.

Duke Ellington: "If it sounds good, it is good."
Salman Rushdie: "When I think my book is good, I know it's done."
Ahhh, the life of an armchair critic. I think I'll have a nip of cognac and glow in the warmth.
=O]

I'm getting ready for a new experience: leading a fall songwriting class. So tip a VSOP for me. I'll need it!
 
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kbold

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