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Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by Colo Springs E, Jul 26, 2013.
The problem with being punctual is that nobody's around to notice it.
Nothing is ever that simple.
Some people disrespect you by making pledges they can't keep. Some people won't exercise or take care of their health and you have to provide them with nursing care or you have to attend their funerals when they should be around for yours. Some people have to stop and help every damsel in distress until they fall into a robber's trap and have their head blown off with a shotgun blast. Some people disrespect you by doing poorly in school because they're trying to hold down a full time job while they're supposed to be studying.
Can't all of them be disrespecting us. Late people usually have lots of other useful or noble or loving traits that make up for this fault; it isn't often that it is their only fault but what I do is try to weigh the good and the bad things. If you really know how to make me laugh when I don't want to, you can be late most all the time and I don't care.
I'd rather have a friend, associate or loved one who may be late but they'll be there when things get tough. Nobody is perfect. And I'm normally always on time.
I have a friend who likes to invite people who live on the other side of the city all to a restaurant just by his place.
And when everyone suddenly penny-drops and thinks, "Why doesn't he come over this side?"
Then he says he doesn't want to come. Fine to get 8 people on public transport for an hour each way ... not fine for one person to do it.
Some people like to engineer their lives. These are the same people who I find are usually late. They're probably always on the phone too.
You should. If he or she double books patients or can't manage his time, that's a sign of incompetence. It's become accepted, but that doesn't mean it should be.
And on a related note, why do we assume that the doctor's time is more important than ours? How do you know he's not keeping you waiting while he's shtupping the nurse? And what good is it to gain extra time in this world if you're just wasting it waiting for the damned doctor?
Hey, if old guys can yell at clouds, so can I.
"Your good friend can be late, just like your doctor.
Do you grill your doctor about his punctuality?"
People who are chronically late in life are different than doctors. If one appointment etc. runs over then they all do. Its an apples and oranges comparison.
For the first twenty or so years of adult life, you could set your watch by me. I was rarely late for anything. Then, I decided a few minutes late would be okay for casual get togethers.
Usually that did not work, because I'd still be on time, or maybe two minutes late. Some of us are programmed that way (or choose to arrive early, or on-time) and others march to a different drummer. Respect people's differences, and choose your role models carefully.
Or maybe they just don't have income tied to their schedule at that very moment?
Exactly, they don't know what they are thinking, but luckily YOU DO!
I'm with Boris on this one, it really is NOT that simple. Different people are late for different reasons. The chronic ones, well, it's up to you to decide whether it's worth it to you. But it's not worth getting angry about, IMHO.
The next time you're about to bite someone's head off for being 10 minutes late, ask yourself, are you angry at them or are you really angry at your mother in law?! :neutral:
No, that's a sign that he or she can't manage their time. I'd rather have a good doctor who's a bit late than a punctual one who removes my kidneys by accident.
Some people are late because they're bad at managing time. Some people are late because they are disorganized and plan poorly. Some people are late because they want to ax murder your entire family, but since that's illegal, they figure making you wait an extra few minutes is the next best thing...
If you don't like someone because they're late, then stay away from them.
I find it odd that so many people assume that just because something is simple for them, it must be simple for everyone else too. If that was true, I wouldn't be able to make a living playing and teaching guitar. :idea:
(...and yeah, sometimes the loopy musician thing isn't just an act! )
Is there any reason a doctor can't be both? Frankly, I'd rather have my kidneys removed than sit there for an hour only to be told that Dr. Dillhole can't make my appointment today.
If there's emergencies (which happens), how hard is it to get the receptionist to get on the phone? Communication seems to be a skill that doctors should develop.
To be fair, that's just how I'm built. I show up five minutes early for everything, and I am the most impatient SOB on the planet... it's not that my time is so important, it's that I'm not getting more of it, and I don't want to waste what I have.
For most of my life, I was a late riser, late to bed, late to get up, late to work. Sometime in my 40's, I quit drinking and made an effort to be on time. I now get up early, leave the house early, get to work early, and am always at least 30 minutes early for any appointment. I think it is a matter of pride and a consideration for others. No big deal today, but was a major point of contention in my youth.
No, it is not genetic, is a matter of personal pride and respect for others. Punctuality can be learned.
So can Joe Maphis... Doesn't mean everyone can do it.
Being in “on-timer”, I have given this a lot of thought over the years. I am on time 99.9% of the time. It’s is just a matter of caring enough to give it some thought and planning, and caring enough to follow through with the plan. If you do this enough, it becomes habit and second nature.
If you don’t do this, and you are habitually late, then you are either inconsiderate or an a-hole. There’s a big difference in the two. If you just don’t consider the inconvenience to other people, then you are… well… inconsiderate (by definition). It seems pretty straight forward to me. On the other hand, if you do consider that you are putting other people out, and wasting their time (a precious resource), and actively and knowingly taking advantage of them, by being late at the others expense, then you are in a-hole. Sorry late people, it is what it is.
I know and love some people who are habitually late. The a-holes I have no time for in my life. But many of these people are very kind and nice people and I just don’t think they realize (consider) the inconvenience they are causing other people by their constant tardiness.
My current theory for why people that are otherwise considerate in other areas, is that since they are always late, they never (or very rarely) actually have to wait on other people. Since they never really have to put up with this, they just don’t realize the inconvenience they cause.
For those of us that actually go through the trouble to be on time, it is difficult to take when you are constantly made to wait over and over by the same habitually late people. Why set and agree on a time for something if you have not going to at least try and be there at that time. (If you are always late, you are not really trying hard enough) Sometimes plans can be loose and sometimes things can happen when they happen, and that’s all good. Everything doesn't require a schedule. There are many things however, that are only possible with some planning and a schedule. If you are the one that everyone is always waiting on, and you think that is okay that you are always putting people out at their expense, maybe you should give some thought as to whether you care if you are an a-hole or not. If you actually give it some thought (you have considered it) and it’s okay with you to keep taking advantage of people. Doesn't that make you an a-hole?
I’m one that thinks the world would be a better place to live if more people were more considerate of others. It’s not always easy, but I do think it’s something worth striving towards.
Thats because there werent any consequences to being late. She probably figured you would eventually let her start at noon if she kept it up. Its like giving a dog a treat for biting someone. If instead you would have docked her pay or made her stay an extra hour or took away her lunch hour, or sent her home unpaid she may have figured it out.
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Sorry, no disrespect intended, but it really IS that simple.
My wife and I are polar opposites. I like to be early, and she is always late. No matter what we are trying to do we clash on this. But, her entire family is this way. They'll start out early enough, but get distracted by things and before you know it, running late again.
Another possible reason for chronic lateness is because the individual concerned views time very differently for cultural reasons.
For instance, I read many businesspeople who did business in South American or other societies start meetings a few to several hours later than the scheduled time in practice.
One good way to peg someone was from Western Europe or the US is that they take the set business meeting time literally and thus...they end up arriving hours earlier than they should.
In other cultures, the degree of punctuality is determined by one's place in the giving pecking order. The most junior members of a given organization are expected to be early/on-time while the big cheeses are expected to arrive late. In those cultures, being "legitimately" late signifies greater social status/higher rank in a given organization.
Then there are those whose extreme "creative" artsy personalities are such that they literally cannot wrap their minds around the concept of being on-time....or sometimes even showing up as promised altogether.
This has become such a common problem with friends who play in bands or involved in the creative arts worlds that it has become a running joke with them...and pisses them off as shown by their complaints and firings of past band members for such issues.
EXACTLY! I got to play with Jaco Pastorius once, and that guy was a piece of work. Eventually his inability to conform to society got him killed.
Some of the best musicians I know are absolute wrecks when it comes to showing up on time, holding down a steady job, or even just keeping basic promises. While it's fun to jam with them every now and then, I'd rather be in a band with a dependable average guy than with a flaky virtuoso.
There's a reason that accountants have better dental plans than musicians...
If people weren't so quick to take offense to behaviors that were never intended to offend, maybe Jaco would still be alive. Sure, once he got high he was a world class jerk, but being a jerk isn't a capital offence. Neither is being late.
I get the feeling that the people who know what I'm talking about don't need me to explain it, and the people who believe lateness is a personal insult are going to continue thinking that way, regardless of what anyone says.
It is also cultural. In some places it is harder to plan and arrive on time always, so some late arrivals are tolerated, it snow-balls and generates a more relaxed culture. It decreases efficiency. People are ok, they just know that everything takes longer to do because of this. I think it's a case where there are zillions of experiences involved, but the outcome (being or not being late) is very easy to measure and quantify, so it confuses us, how can someone always be late if he's well intentioned? (not talking about a-holes, but apologizing late-people). One of those elements is what someone said here, late people have significantly less experience waiting other people to get their feet back to earth enough from their romantic way of living.
There's self-sabotage too, interesting topic.
In general I feel like there are three areas:
a-hole late people
feet-on-earth on-time people
romantic late people
But I acknowledge it's a complicated thing. Yes, the outcome is simple, someone's late, and it is disrespectful. But the causes and origins of this in well intentioned people are not (I think).
I think a lot of it boils down to ADD/ADHD (whatever you wanna call it).. so yes in the DNA a bit.
Guitar Dave http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWDCLUsZpbY
I also agree with Boris. People are strange beasts. We can't just assume we are all wired the same.
Take my wife, she is usually late. The is no forethought given or bad intentions in her lateness. That is because she gives no forethought to anything. She lives in the moment. I plan things out in my head. I know if I need to be somewhere at a certain time, I estimate how long it will take me to finish what I am doing, how long it will take me to get ready and how long it will take me to get there. I add in a few minutes for margin and I am good to go (yes I'm an engineer). My wife on the other hand just looks at her watch and says "*****, I have to be somewhere."
Oh, is this the fourth page of this thread already? I meant to reply earlier. Guess I got distracted. Sorry.