I'm going to stay 100% sober every day for the rest of my life

Nogoodnamesleft

Tele-Afflicted
Silver Supporter
Joined
Aug 19, 2020
Posts
1,021
Age
51
Location
Canaduh
Some people need to stay away from alcohol, others don't have a problem. Why the difference? Is it biological or psychological?
Some say both, some believe one or the other. To me it's more complex. Especially if you subscribe to the idea that substance abuse is a symptom of something deeper. A set of thinking patterns that are ill equipped to cope with "life on life's terms". Throw in some clinical depression and anxiety too.

A talk show host once described it as "I don't have a drinking problem, I have a thinking problem." That resonated with me when I heard it. And thinking about it as a disorder it kind of reminds me of OCD (which I do struggle with) - situations that aren't easy to handle are the obsession, drinking is the compulsion to neutralize that anxiety. I have yet to find something that gives me the same rose coloured glasses I could magically have after a few drinks in even the most dire of situations. Is that reaction to alcohol biological? Maybe. It very well could be. Some people don't seem to get such a reward from it, or if they do they can stop after one or two. Sadly, I'm not one of them - the relief breeds the desire for even more relief until incapacitation. It wasn't always like that for me. But as life went on and things got worse (and I got tired of it) the escape to the land of blissful optimism was just more and more appealing.

And that's just the bad times. Culturally, it's quite normal (from my part of the world anyway) to celebrate with a drink too. In the end, someone gets married - the drink and the cheering starts, or if the cat dies - the drink to calm the nerves and try to stop crying. That's just "normal" stuff when I was growing up. I just took it to extremely unhealthy levels with a desire to not think for a little while. Eventually daily.
 

Recce

Poster Extraordinaire
Gold Supporter
Joined
May 3, 2016
Posts
5,444
Location
Northern Alabama
I quit drinking about a year before a heart valve replacement. I casually asked the doctor what if I were still drinking. He said, "You'd be turned down for the operation and die within months".

Dodged a bullet . . . Eight extra years of really fun life so far.
I drink and I got a heart valve replacement. I am not an alcoholic. I don’t think I was even asked if I drank. I didn’t drink in recovery.
 

StoneH

Friend of Leo's
Gold Supporter
Joined
Sep 20, 2021
Posts
2,567
Age
66
Location
Florida Gulf Coast
I drink and I got a heart valve replacement. I am not an alcoholic. I don’t think I was even asked if I drank. I didn’t drink in recovery.

I had been an alcoholic in the past (not that anyone knew except me, my wife, and my fellow "Heavy Drinkers"). They had to replace my aortic valve and root, which is twice as risky as just the valve. I was also 58, which starts doctor thinking about risk vs. reward. I'm sure they wanted a good chance to put one in the "win" column."

Your valve replacement likely occurred under different circumstances.
 

39martind18

Friend of Leo's
Joined
Jul 31, 2012
Posts
3,844
Age
71
Location
Spring TX
@Big_Bend, I wish you success in you quest for sobriety. In my life, I've been intoxicated in my life exactly once. It was in the year 1973 (I think) and I was playing a bar on the north side of Ft. Worth. The draft had just been ended, the number to be drafted had reached 87, and my number was 94. I heard about it at the gig, and celebrated by having two hurricanes, and had been working my way through a third when closing time came around. I remember packing up my equipment and getting into my car, but the drive home is a blank. THAT scared the bejesus out of me. I've never drunk to that level if incapacitation since. In a year's time, I may have 3-4 drinks, glasses of wine, whatever, but that's the extent of my heavy drinking, and I'm sticking to my story. Big_Bend- here's hoping your health improves, and your road to sobriety is smooth.
 

Recce

Poster Extraordinaire
Gold Supporter
Joined
May 3, 2016
Posts
5,444
Location
Northern Alabama
I had been an alcoholic in the past (not that anyone knew except me, my wife, and my fellow "Heavy Drinkers"). They had to replace my aortic valve and root, which is twice as risky as just the valve. I was also 58, which starts doctor thinking about risk vs. reward. I'm sure they wanted a good chance to put one in the "win" column."

Your valve replacement likely occurred under different circumstances.
I was 63 at the beginning of that which must not be named was starting when I had my surgery. I received an aortic valve but I don’t remember anything about a root. It was at the time when you could have no visitors in the hospital. Great fun. They kept my wife well informed. I have never been a heavy drinker. I was also told my valve could fail and not do much or I could have a heart attack before the surgery.
 

985plowboy

Poster Extraordinaire
Joined
Feb 5, 2012
Posts
6,060
Location
South Louisiana
I guess I should have said, “you may have to…….”

It doesn’t bother me as much now 11 years sober as it did the first few years But I still don’t go to certain places or hang around with certain people. Unless social obligations require it and then I won’t stay long.

Reason why is the temptation to fall back into a habit/pattern/activity that you are trying to cease was too great for me.
In other words I couldn’t go hang at the same Friday afternoon get together spot with all my podnah’s drinking, dipping, smoking, playing guitar and carrying on.
It was too hard to resist the urge to participate.
Sometimes being around people drinking I would feel nauseous and have alternating cold and hot chills and goosebumps go up and down my body.

I phrase it like this, it took me years to get the dragon to go to sleep.
I’m not gonna tempt fate by stomping on his tail.

And I want to say this to you sincerely and genuinely.
If you truly don’t understand what all this means I am happy for you.
 

ruger9

Poster Extraordinaire
Ad Free Member
Joined
Dec 31, 2004
Posts
7,208
Location
Hackettstown, NJ
I phrase it like this, it took me years to get the dragon to go to sleep.
I’m not gonna tempt fate by stomping on his tail.

Wow. God bless you, man. That's awesome. Everyone has some kind of dragon. And it doesn't even have to be substance-related. Depression, anger, many other things... taming our dragons is a life's journey.
 

Toto'sDad

Tele Axpert
Ad Free Member
Joined
Jun 21, 2011
Posts
58,528
Location
Bakersfield
I guess I should have said, “you may have to…….”

It doesn’t bother me as much now 11 years sober as it did the first few years But I still don’t go to certain places or hang around with certain people. Unless social obligations require it and then I won’t stay long.

Reason why is the temptation to fall back into a habit/pattern/activity that you are trying to cease was too great for me.
In other words I couldn’t go hang at the same Friday afternoon get together spot with all my podnah’s drinking, dipping, smoking, playing guitar and carrying on.
It was too hard to resist the urge to participate.
Sometimes being around people drinking I would feel nauseous and have alternating cold and hot chills and goosebumps go up and down my body.

I phrase it like this, it took me years to get the dragon to go to sleep.
I’m not gonna tempt fate by stomping on his tail.

And I want to say this to you sincerely and genuinely.
If you truly don’t understand what all this means I am happy for you.
It's a funny thing, I have no interest in going places where drink is a problem. What I mean is, I don't go to a dance hall. If I go out to dinner, everyone knows I don't drink, and they just accept it. If I go to a show, I don't drink. I took a fellow to see Tommy Emmanuel along with my wife and I. He knew I didn't drink, he asked if I minded him having a drink or two, when the waitress took his order, I told her to put it on my tab. I quit drinking; I don't expect everyone else to.
 

StoneH

Friend of Leo's
Gold Supporter
Joined
Sep 20, 2021
Posts
2,567
Age
66
Location
Florida Gulf Coast
I was 63 at the beginning of that which must not be named was starting when I had my surgery. I received an aortic valve but I don’t remember anything about a root. It was at the time when you could have no visitors in the hospital. Great fun. They kept my wife well informed. I have never been a heavy drinker. I was also told my valve could fail and not do much or I could have a heart attack before the surgery.

I had a bicuspid valve which could have lasted until something else killed me (I never had a symptom and ran 3 miles a day). A weakened aorta (aortic root) is sometimes associated with a bicuspid valve, but not always. What most people have heard of is an aortic dissection (it has happened to famous people). I had a fairly routine test and the doctor told me, "I'm letting you go to Morocco, but when you get back, find a surgeon". Left unreplaced, my aorta would have swollen like a weak hose on a hot day until it split. Death is usually instantaneous, but you might make it halfway to the hospital.
 

985plowboy

Poster Extraordinaire
Joined
Feb 5, 2012
Posts
6,060
Location
South Louisiana
It's a funny thing, I have no interest in going places where drink is a problem. What I mean is, I don't go to a dance hall. If I go out to dinner, everyone knows I don't drink, and they just accept it. If I go to a show, I don't drink. I took a fellow to see Tommy Emmanuel along with my wife and I. He knew I didn't drink, he asked if I minded him having a drink or two, when the waitress took his order, I told her to put it on my tab. I quit drinking; I don't expect everyone else to.
I’m with you.
I’m not asking anyone to change.
Never have.

But for me personally to change my drinking habits, I had to change my social habits. That’s all I’m saying.
I did suggest that the OP may benefit from it, but everyone has a different journey.

FWIW my wife does not have a problem with alcohol and never has.
Like maybe 2 drinks a week.
When I quit, she did too to support me. Now that I have a level of control, I’ll actually open her wine and pour her a glass.
 

Toto'sDad

Tele Axpert
Ad Free Member
Joined
Jun 21, 2011
Posts
58,528
Location
Bakersfield
I’m with you.
I’m not asking anyone to change.
Never have.

But for me personally to change my drinking habits, I had to change my social habits. That’s all I’m saying.
I did suggest that the OP may benefit from it, but everyone has a different journey.

FWIW my wife does not have a problem with alcohol and never has.
Like maybe 2 drinks a week.
When I quit, she did too to support me. Now that I have a level of control, I’ll actually open her wine and pour her a glass.
That's one of the things I miss most. My wife and I would often have a glass or two of wine in the evening, many, many years ago. She quit before I did and doesn't seem to miss it. She has had two invasive heart procedures to control her atrial fibrillation. Alcohol is just not for her now, but I don't think she misses it anyway.
 

t-ray

Tele-Afflicted
Gold Supporter
Joined
Apr 18, 2010
Posts
1,622
Location
Vermont
Anyone else determined to stay 100% sober every day for the rest of their lives?

I will never again indulge in any intoxicant ever again, forever. No more ganja, no more alcohol of any type.. nothing, ever again.

Its been 3 weeks since I last indulged in the green stuff, and 2 weeks since I had my last drink of alcohol...

I miss my glass of red wine in the evenings.. but it is critical for several health reasons that I NEVER partake in any of this stuff ever again, never!

So far so good but I know there will be some rough times. I'm going to miss it when I go camping, I'm going to miss the margaritas when I go out to eat Mexican food.. I'm going to miss the beer and wine when hanging out with friends.

I've done more than I should have in the past, and survived, but it is critical that I stay 100% sober every day from now on, no matter what.

Anyone else feel the same?

Good luck ya'll...
If you need some psychological support to stay off alcohol, try this book: This Naked Mind. It was written by a 30-ish, successful woman who clearly had a moderation problem. Written in a way to both educate you and sort of trick your mind into really believing that you will be so much better off without alcohol. It probably does not work for everyone, but if you get through it, there is a good chance it will help reduce your cravings and desire.
 

fenderchamp

Friend of Leo's
Ad Free Member
Joined
Jun 17, 2008
Posts
3,187
Location
omaha
Anyone else determined to stay 100% sober every day for the rest of their lives?

I will never again indulge in any intoxicant ever again, forever. No more ganja, no more alcohol of any type.. nothing, ever again.

Its been 3 weeks since I last indulged in the green stuff, and 2 weeks since I had my last drink of alcohol...

I miss my glass of red wine in the evenings.. but it is critical for several health reasons that I NEVER partake in any of this stuff ever again, never!

So far so good but I know there will be some rough times. I'm going to miss it when I go camping, I'm going to miss the margaritas when I go out to eat Mexican food.. I'm going to miss the beer and wine when hanging out with friends.

I've done more than I should have in the past, and survived, but it is critical that I stay 100% sober every day from now on, no matter what.

Anyone else feel the same?

Good luck ya'll...
Let's talk about reasonable expectations and letting your emotions set high expectations.

Are you going to stay sober one day at time or stay sober every day for the rest of your life? can it be both.

If I'm learning to play the guitar, the first song I'm going to try to learn is not going to be Eruption.

Did you go to a meeting yesterday, or today? Have you called your sponsor?
 

johnny k

Doctor of Teleocity
Joined
Jan 15, 2011
Posts
10,042
Location
France
A friend of mine quit drinking. And then commited suicide not long after. Not kidding.
What i mean is addictions are a result of another illness whatever it may be. Most folks do them because life then becomes tolerable.
At this point, it is more a result of treating the mental thingie than the addictions. Or both.
I do sound clever, but i am really not. So take this with a grain of salt.
 
Last edited:

ping-ping-clicka

Poster Extraordinaire
Joined
Jun 28, 2019
Posts
8,522
Location
left coast
Having recently given up on sugar and alcohol, I can confirm that sugar is harder. Seriously, good luck to the OP, and everybody else on here who's made this decision. The cultural pressure to fall off the wagon can be intense.
“You must acquire the trick of ignoring those who do not like you. In my experience, those who do not like you fall into two categories: the stupid, and the envious. The stupid will like you in five years time, the envious never.”
Peer pressure to start drinking again is like those peer encouraging me to commite suicide for their approval.
I don't need their approval what I need is a new peer group.
"DIE FOR US!" f*ck you, get lost.
 

Papanate

Tele-Meister
Silver Supporter
Joined
Nov 11, 2018
Posts
378
Age
52
Location
New York
I've done more than I should have in the past, and survived, but it is critical that I stay 100% sober every day from now on, no matter what.

Anyone else feel the same?
I'm not sober - but I'm barely drinking anymore - and don't really do whacky weed or edibles - but it's good that you recognized your limits - you keep mentioning 'for health reasons' - care to share what's happened?
 




Top