If you get conned and your intentions were good, what then?

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by Toto'sDad, Oct 29, 2018.

  1. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

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    If someone gives you a line about their neediness, and you give them money, but it turns out you were conned; Does that go on the positive or the negative side of things? Nothing that's happened on this board, but I know through the years I have probably been conned by people asking for money.

    Recently, I had posted about taking banana as a kid from behind a grocery store. One of the posters suggested that I do something for someone else as a way of making amends, and that I would know it when the opportunity presented itself. So, recently I had lunch with a couple of old pals, as I was entering the restaurant, a guy hits me up for money. He isn't dirty, he's carrying a cane, and has a vet hat on. I walked right by him, and as soon as I walked up to my buds in the waiting area, I could see the line in my mind's eye from the poster about playing it on, so I said hang on a minute, I'll be right with you. Then I went back outside and gave the guy a few bucks.

    When my friends asked me what I was doing and I told them I went back to give a guy some money. One of my friends thought it was cool, the other actually got pissed and it took a while for him to cool down. He went on a rant about the jerks hitting him up for money every day etc. I finally smoothed his feathers and lunch was a success after a rocky start. Now I wonder, I helped one guy, pissed the other off, where was the gain?
     
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  2. Bristlehound

    Bristlehound Friend of Leo's

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    You can only do what you think is right for the right reasons. If it turns out later to be wrong... that's the way it goes. "To your own self be true." Shakespeare.
     
  3. Grant Austin

    Grant Austin Tele-Meister

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    If someone is pissed off at you for doing something nice, then maybe you learned something valuable about him. In this situation 3 people ended up with a better day because of your act.

    You did something kind, which builds the habit of kindness for yourself. The guy you gave money to was the recipient of kindness, regardless of his motivation/intent for the money (he got something he needed, even if it was a tipple to stave off DTs -- your refusal wouldn't prevent him from getting a drink). Your kind friend witnessed a kind gesture, which engenders further kindness in us social animals.

    That's a win in my book.

    Hopefully the pissed-off fella takes the opportunity to reflect on why he's upset.
     
  4. Ricky D.

    Ricky D. Poster Extraordinaire

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    TD, you get the style points regardless. You decided the guy was worth a few bucks and acted accordingly with the knowledge that your gift might be squandered.

    You have to respect your gut feeling when you don't have complete information to decide with certainty. Your gut will most often be correct even if you can't articulate a complete rationale. And if you were mistaken, so what? Live your life your way with no regrets, it's just better that way.
     
  5. JustABluesGuy

    JustABluesGuy Friend of Leo's

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    Postive and negative side? Who’s keeping score? Only you.

    If someone says they’re hungry and you give them some money that they then go and spend on boose instead you still did a good deed.

    You showed compassion, and that’s good on you regardless of their actions.
     
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  6. heltershelton

    heltershelton Tele-Afflicted Silver Supporter

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    that guy had no right to get mad at you.....thats on him. who cares what he thinks anyway. i wouldnt let it bother me.
     
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  7. heltershelton

    heltershelton Tele-Afflicted Silver Supporter

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    oh, and nine times out of ten, people who panhandle money with a " hungry please help" sign dont wont food.
    ive told people i wouldnt give them cash but would get them a meal and most got mad and cursed me. so i would move on down the road.
     
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  8. Pualee

    Pualee Tele-Meister

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    It is the outcome that matters. Your example is relatively benign.

    However, as a volunteer chaplain in jails, I was taught to NEVER help anyone by passing notes, making phone calls, or otherwise making contact between the people in the jail and those outside. The reason is that I could actually be participating in a crime - even though I THINK I am helping meet someones needs. That rule kept us from having any ethical dilemmas. (It seems obvious from the outside, but it is harder than you think when you are emotionally involved with guys who cannot even contact their kids on their birthdays)

    In an unrelated event, I was at a gas station and a stranger asked for money (while holding a gas can). I gave him some cash, and 5 minutes later saw him exit the convenience store with 2 bottles of malt liquor... foolish me. That was bad.

    In another event, I stopped on the side of the highway and gave a family cash to get their broken down car towed. I still believe that was the right thing to do. Other people I know said I was a fool.

    Outcomes are the only thing that matters, but we don't always know what it will be at the time of need. Don't let fear stop you from loving your neighbors when you see a need. But be discerning to learn from what happens and always try to make the most impact (volunteer with a homeless organization that clothes and finds jobs for the needy instead of giving the addict on the street a few bucks for the night). Personally, I trust God to lead me and I learn from my mistakes while trying to help those in need.
     
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  9. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

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    I really didn't let it bother me, and I know him well enough to know how to lead him out of the angry spot. I did that, and saved the luncheon which I was glad for. The guy who got mad is a long time friend who has had his shared of injustice in his life. I know that when he goes off, it most likely isn't what appears to be, it's probably a replay from the past. He's a good friend, I enjoy him, and make allowances just as I'm sure he has to do for me. In the end, it's the making allowances that allow us to have long time friends. The third guy is just one of those kind of guys you wish everyone was, he's just a really nice guy. He always has been.
     
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  10. TheGoodTexan

    TheGoodTexan Moderator Staff Member Ad Free Member

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    Years ago I had a long discussion with a person holding political office in Nashville about the growing challenge of people begging on street corners. There are many charitable organizations within brief walking distance which will serve these people food, and allow them a shower, fresh clothes, and a bed overnight... all at no charge. Yet there is still a large number of people begging for these things (writing on their signs).

    I suggested a token or voucher system... I go to the soup kitchen or clothes closet and make a monetary donation, and in return I am given tokens to hand to these people to meet the need they claim to have.

    The politician I spoke with said it would not work, as the tokens themselves would end up being a commodity on the street, just like money.

    I don’t know.

    I have a tough time handing money to anyone at all... even a family member... unless they demonstrate a legitimate need of it. I’m aware of someone who was given $500 to help with tuition, and bought a new smart phone the next day. So it’s not limited to any single class of people.
     
  11. Jakedog

    Jakedog Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    You can’t own other people’s feelings. You can’t be responsible for how they choose to feel.

    I mean, you really should, if you directly affect them. That’s a different scenario. Like if you kill my cat while launching croquet balls out of your leaf blower for kicks, you’ve wronged me. And the cat...

    But anyhow, in that situation, you’re directly responsible for my emotional distress. If you’re a good human, you’ll try to make it right.

    In the situation you describe, this upset party has not been wronged by you in any way. He has not in any way been damaged by your actions or choices. He chooses, of his own free will, to be upset about something that has nothing to do with him whatsoever. You can’t own that. You didn’t cause it.

    Your friend was acting silly. You did a good thing. Regardless of how somebody completely uninvolved chooses to react to it, it’s still a good thing.

    There’s always gonna be somebody around to be nosy, stick their heads in OUR business, and possibly even get upset about how we handle it. But really, it’s OUR business.

    I could see him being upset at you if you’d come back in and said “you’re gonna have to buy my lunch, I just gave all my dough to that guy outside.” In that case, it affects your friend. In this case, it didn’t. Case closed.
     
  12. thunderbyrd

    thunderbyrd Poster Extraordinaire Silver Supporter

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    TD, I think you are worrying yourself over this damn banana thing too much. there is no way to "balance this karma". tell your higher power that you know it was wrong (PROBABLY wrong - I don't begrudge any hungry child for feeding himself) but that was long, long ago, and would you please get off my case, thank you.
     
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  13. Jack S

    Jack S Friend of Leo's Gold Supporter

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    I am sure I have been taken before, but life goes on and I can still afford to eat. I believe there is always a balance even if you can't see it.
     
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  14. JustABluesGuy

    JustABluesGuy Friend of Leo's

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    There are plenty of panhandlers that lie about what they are going to buy. I stopped at a light once where a man was holding a “Will work for food” sign. I worked at a restaurant and gave him a coupon for a free meal, and got a dirty look and a sarcastic “oh thanks!” in return...

    Way back when, I was asked by a homeless guy if I could spare a few bucks for some beer. His honesty was very refreshing.

    I told him, I didn’t have much cash, but I did have a cooler with some beer in it, and gave him a couple.
     
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  15. Pualee

    Pualee Tele-Meister

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    Where I live, there are signs on the street corners that read something to the effect:
    "Please don't give money to people on the street. Anyone in need can call the following number for assistance xxx-xxx-xxxx"

    There is a saying here too that - anyone on the street wants to be on the street.

    I see people pan handling directly underneath those signs sitting on milk crates. And I wonder who the fool stopping to give them cash is! I'm saying this as someone who used to give cash to people on street corners :rolleyes: My brother volunteers with the organization that helps the homeless in my area. Some people really do want to be on the street.

    Unfortunately there are others who don't and mental illness, handlers, or whatever else is keeping them there :(
     
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  16. NJ Deadhead

    NJ Deadhead Tele-Meister

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    In my situation, "conned" might not be the right word, but "strongly disappointed" would apply.

    A few months ago a homeless guy outside Mcdonalds asked for help. I told him I never carry cash, but he was welcome to lunch on me. We went inside, ordered, sat down and chatted for awhile. Everything was going good until a black man came in. The guy started rambling about how blacks and minorities (he used much worse terms) were the reason for all of our country's problems. I left feeling really bummed out...
     
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  17. memorex

    memorex Friend of Leo's

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    It's banana karma

    [​IMG]
     
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  18. memorex

    memorex Friend of Leo's

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    And don't feel bad about getting conned by panhandlers, there's some pretty creative ones, like these guys:

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]
     
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  19. nojazzhere

    nojazzhere Poster Extraordinaire

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    You did the right thing, TD.....if the panhandler wasn't being honest about his needs, that's on HIS Karma.
    Fort Worth is pushing a program right now to discourage people from GIVING to panhandlers....apparently trying to get rid of the panhandlers themselves hasn't been working.
    One day, I was caught at a red light. Just off the road there was a guy who begs there regularly, holding a sign that he's hungry and needs food. Someone (who must have passed a little earlier) pulled up on a side street, got out of his car, and went over to the beggar with a large fast food bag. He handed it to the guy, then got back in his car, and drove off. The beggar tossed the bag off to the side, near a building, and went back to holding up his sign.....I guess he wasn't THAT hungry after all.
     
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  20. JustABluesGuy

    JustABluesGuy Friend of Leo's

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    Yeah, you still did a good deed. Even ignorant racists get hungry, but do I understand your disappointment...
     
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