I USED TO THINK A DAY LIKE TODAY WASN'T POSSIBLE (sober content).

danielreid27

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Cyberi4n

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I'm just home from a long drive, through the fog, after giving a talk at the rehab I crawled through the doors of 10 years ago today.
I'm wary of thinking that it's an achievement of my own. It's most definitely not.
There's a whole load of clean and sober people who led me by the hand to get here, for whom I could never repay other than to pay it forward.

Giving a talk to people just in rehab was an absolute privilege, that feeling of usefulness, lending them hope that was loaned to me when I had none, gave tonight a buzz at least equal to the best gig I've ever played.

I've a real affinity with the big house on Glasgow's south side where my clean and sober journey began.

Nearly 28 years ago, I stood in the car park of a pub opposite the rehab, smoking a jazz woodbine with my brother and a couple of friends. We were celebrating the birth of my daughter the day before, which was also the day of the first UK lottery draw.
While we were discussing our fantasies of what we would do with our winnings, if or when our numbers came up, a cold reality hit me.

I turned to my brother and my friends and said...
"Promise me something! If I ever win the lottery, stick me in that rehab building across the road or I'll be dead in 6 months!"

Fast forward 18 years, and I've still never won a brass farthing on the lottery but I'm crawling/staggering through the doors of that same rehab building with the prospect of missing my daughter's 18th birthday party in a week's time.

My daughter tells me every year that her favourite birthday present ever was me going in there and coming out a month later clean and sober. She got her dad back, she tells me.

Going there tonight, 10 years after my first time in the place and nearly 28 years after being honest enough to admit I had a problem whilst standing in the shadow of the place, felt like I've just completed an ever-increasing circle.

I can't guarantee I be able to go back next year but I'll promise myself tomorrow I'll do my best to keep it in the day. Just like I've promised myself each day for the last 3653 days.

I've no idea why I've posted this, other than seeing my thoughts turn into black pixels on my screen seem like a better option than having them swim around between my ears.
Good lad!
 

Kandinskyesque

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I just passed 3 months sobriety, no drinking or smoking weed. woohoo!!

I got a long ways to reach 10 years.. but 1 day at a time.

Well done OP thanks for sharing!
Brilliant!!!
Keep on keeping on.
Those first 90 precious days will become your greatest asset.

The day I like to celebrate most was the first day (about 5 months in) that I realised that I couldn't remember the last time I woke up and the thought of a drink or drug was the first thought of the day.
I had been the first thought of the day for 25 years.
I had no idea whether it was the day, week or month before.
I felt like Papillion just after he had escaped.
 

fender4life

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Good for you. More people than not seems to be unable to get to that point. My best friend i have known since 1955 when we were barely old enough to talk had a similar story. In 1990 he nearly died from failing kidneys and went to AA when he got out of the hospital and since that day he was there every day 5 days a week till he died 3 years ago with the exception of the last 5 or 6 years when he only made it to 1-3 meeting a week due to his health. He gave talks at that AA and several others often and sponsored a lot of kids who came to respect him. When he died there was a memorial at AA and only then did i realize how many friends he had and how many people loved him. Man i miss him...
 

ping-ping-clicka

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I'm just home from a long drive, through the fog, after giving a talk at the rehab I crawled through the doors of 10 years ago today.
I'm wary of thinking that it's an achievement of my own. It's most definitely not.
There's a whole load of clean and sober people who led me by the hand to get here, for whom I could never repay other than to pay it forward.

Giving a talk to people just in rehab was an absolute privilege, that feeling of usefulness, lending them hope that was loaned to me when I had none, gave tonight a buzz at least equal to the best gig I've ever played.

I've a real affinity with the big house on Glasgow's south side where my clean and sober journey began.

Nearly 28 years ago, I stood in the car park of a pub opposite the rehab, smoking a jazz woodbine with my brother and a couple of friends. We were celebrating the birth of my daughter the day before, which was also the day of the first UK lottery draw.
While we were discussing our fantasies of what we would do with our winnings, if or when our numbers came up, a cold reality hit me.

I turned to my brother and my friends and said...
"Promise me something! If I ever win the lottery, stick me in that rehab building across the road or I'll be dead in 6 months!"

Fast forward 18 years, and I've still never won a brass farthing on the lottery but I'm crawling/staggering through the doors of that same rehab building with the prospect of missing my daughter's 18th birthday party in a week's time.

My daughter tells me every year that her favourite birthday present ever was me going in there and coming out a month later clean and sober. She got her dad back, she tells me.

Going there tonight, 10 years after my first time in the place and nearly 28 years after being honest enough to admit I had a problem whilst standing in the shadow of the place, felt like I've just completed an ever-increasing circle.

I can't guarantee I be able to go back next year but I'll promise myself tomorrow I'll do my best to keep it in the day. Just like I've promised myself each day for the last 3653 days.

I've no idea why I've posted this, other than seeing my thoughts turn into black pixels on my screen seem like a better option than having them swim around between my ears.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz sun.png

I have to start by saying I don't have any theories about how becoming clean and sober works, why it's possible, or the how of the spiritual emotional, intellectual, psychological machinations involved work , but I do know recovery is possible but certainly not how or why this dreadful disease can be abated This disease has killed my friend and acquaintances and resulted in much pain and suffering for those that remain.
It is a heart breaking and soul crushing disease of this I am certain.

Well, so you've stopped drinking for a while and you doing service "paying it forward: with the awareness that your sobriety is the result of your desire to change and a fellowship of people who give it away to keep it. You didn't lose you family to drink , or your life and that's reason to reflect on the good fortune that has come from your willingness to change and endure the pain of transformation , getting clean and sober is not an easy change to make , I'm fairly sure , well at least I felt like a piece of raw liver being pulled through a knot hole at times.
So far so good I think your post and disclosing this very personal aspect of your life is import for you because you are in touch with your life and your sharing and displaying that the horrible experience of dependency can be brought to an end and the pain of dependency can be transformed in a life worth living and sharing with others.
If I am hearing you.
A Bugger like me needs to hear that something other than a miserable life is possible because from where I'm at living life is living my life from a hole in the ground and I believe that there's no way out, and then I hear that who has suffered as I do,
found away out of that hole and healed and transformed your life. I need to hear it because it's proof positive change for the better is a possibility if I want it.
So congratulations on your sobriety and joy ,gratitude, and desire to share the gift.
I got sober in 1983, and celebrate my sobriety one day at a time. I woke up this morning not having a hang over resulting from relapsed yesterday for which I am very grateful, and filled with the happiness and joy of another day of being clean and sober and all that recovery entails today
There is a little book entitled: Living Sober. It's clear simple and it helped me
 

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P Thought

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Your story (and others like it I've heard) gives me hope for a loved one we've all been pulling for around here. I am sure s/he knows we worry about relapse, but I doubt that is very helpful to therm.
 

ChicknPickn

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Was asked to speak last week at the NA birthday of a friend who has 40 years of continuous sobriety. I left substances behind in July 2015. The start of a life I was sure I could never have.

Eight years ago, I was too messed up to think of anything but my own suffering. Last Wednesday, I was able to say with all sincerity to everyone in the room that I loved them for trying to do this thing. That it was the greatest gift they could ever give themselves and the people who love them. That we just keep doing the things we did to get sober. With others.

Thanks for what you wrote. I’ve read it several times.
 

ping-ping-clicka

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After a reread I am so happy for you.
Giving it away in order to keep it seems to work.
Somebody asked me to be there sponsor and I told them I couldn't do it , not because I didn't want to help but I terrible at proselytizing and hate the big book , As Bob Sees it, and all the rest. I hate the dogma, and what I did and do would probably end up getting a meeting full of people in recovery dead drunk. I told him I work a very simple program I go to meetings, don't drink and take everyone's inventory one day at a time, oh and honesty that way in I never have to drink from the fear of getting caught for lying.
And that is the terrible truth .
We treat each other badly and forget the all the dogma filters out the one thing that is effective in ending this terrible disease, no it's not a moral issue , it's not good people being bad, it's a fatal disease and when treated as such, A DISEASE, there is the possibility of recovery and what makes that possible is love , my loving the addict alcoholic that I am aand loving other addicts as they recover. Love is the cure for this disease.
For cancer I needed cisplatin and radiation, for a broken fibula iI needed a case, for a tragic partnering I needed separation. For this I needed love.
This isn't a program of recovery I could help anyone with, what could you do with show up and tell the truth. huh? o.k. keep showing up, don't drink, and keep coming back , better ? No not really.
I was a drunk and stoned ******* before recovery , now that I'm in recovery I, I'm a clean and sober ******* that's still bat**** crazy.
Having a place to live, regular nutrition, a place to sleep and bathe is an improvement, psych-meds really help,... I know ,.... I know I'm not really clean and sober, if I take psych-drugs. Fine and f%^k you very much . I did not come in the door because I wanted in on coconscious reality,and approval. I wanted to save myself from madness and all the forms of suffering that comes with drugs and drinking.
And I'm goin' to sponsor somebody, WRONG
So far so good, it's not a Hallmark picture postcard of a beautiful recovery , but it's a start.Yes recovery isn't always pretty or painless or what I expected but it sure as **** is better than what I had before I walked in the door.
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ping-ping-clicka

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I just passed 3 months sobriety, no drinking or smoking weed. woohoo!!

I got a long ways to reach 10 years.. but 1 day at a time.

Well done OP thanks for sharing!
I'm glad that you are feeling better. If your ass falls off , just remember it's o,k, not to drink and use. Congratulations I am proud to be walking the road of recovery with you.
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Crafty Fox

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Joined
Nov 25, 2011
Posts
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Location
Perth, Australia
I'm just home from a long drive, through the fog, after giving a talk at the rehab I crawled through the doors of 10 years ago today.
I'm wary of thinking that it's an achievement of my own. It's most definitely not.
There's a whole load of clean and sober people who led me by the hand to get here, for whom I could never repay other than to pay it forward.

Giving a talk to people just in rehab was an absolute privilege, that feeling of usefulness, lending them hope that was loaned to me when I had none, gave tonight a buzz at least equal to the best gig I've ever played.

I've a real affinity with the big house on Glasgow's south side where my clean and sober journey began.

Nearly 28 years ago, I stood in the car park of a pub opposite the rehab, smoking a jazz woodbine with my brother and a couple of friends. We were celebrating the birth of my daughter the day before, which was also the day of the first UK lottery draw.
While we were discussing our fantasies of what we would do with our winnings, if or when our numbers came up, a cold reality hit me.

I turned to my brother and my friends and said...
"Promise me something! If I ever win the lottery, stick me in that rehab building across the road or I'll be dead in 6 months!"

Fast forward 18 years, and I've still never won a brass farthing on the lottery but I'm crawling/staggering through the doors of that same rehab building with the prospect of missing my daughter's 18th birthday party in a week's time.

My daughter tells me every year that her favourite birthday present ever was me going in there and coming out a month later clean and sober. She got her dad back, she tells me.

Going there tonight, 10 years after my first time in the place and nearly 28 years after being honest enough to admit I had a problem whilst standing in the shadow of the place, felt like I've just completed an ever-increasing circle.

I can't guarantee I be able to go back next year but I'll promise myself tomorrow I'll do my best to keep it in the day. Just like I've promised myself each day for the last 3653 days.

I've no idea why I've posted this, other than seeing my thoughts turn into black pixels on my screen seem like a better option than having them swim around between my ears.
Well done pal! I am greatly encouraged by your post.
I had my last drink almost 23 years ago, on Christmas Day 1999.
I reckon I drank enough in the 20th Century to last me through the 21st.
And did I expect to go so long? Nope; one day at a time.
I probably paid off large chunks of the mortgage to The Curlers on Byres Road, and many others around Hillhead and Partick and beyond.
Thank you for your honesty and courage.
 

Kandinskyesque

Friend of Leo's
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Location
Scotland
Well done pal! I am greatly encouraged by your post.
I had my last drink almost 23 years ago, on Christmas Day 1999.
I reckon I drank enough in the 20th Century to last me through the 21st.
And did I expect to go so long? Nope; one day at a time.
I probably paid off large chunks of the mortgage to The Curlers on Byres Road, and many others around Hillhead and Partick and beyond.
Thank you for your honesty and courage.
Congratulations, it gives Christmas a whole new angle, for the right reasons.
I started university aged 17 in that end of the city and had my first legal drink in The Curlers at the start of my second term (a bucketful bought by my uncle).

My maternal side of the family lived in Partick/Whiteinch
(And my early life began there), so I had an uncle who I was close to who brought me up on Bob Dylan and drinking in the various dens in and around the same area. The Curlers, The Tennent's, The Snaffle Bit, The Chip, The Park Bar (still full of Gaelic speakers and trad musicians) are still there, so it looks like they've all survived without my financial assistance.
Sadly, my uncle died of alcoholism in '96 while still in his early 40s.

Last Thursday, I took my daughter on a tour of the university and the surrounding area for a few hours, before we went to see Bono do his book launch at the Clyde Auditorium. I pointed out all these places where the slippery slope began, as well as the alternatives for her. I also walked her around that area in a pram when she was a baby, albeit she has little memory of it.
One of those celebratory nights where we had her 28th birthday and my 10th birthday in this second life in the same lifetime.
She hopes to start studying at the same place in 2024 when her youngest starts school, so it's coming round in a full circle for us both.

The area you mentioned is also the place where my sober life began also because my early years in a 12-step group was in a church hall on Observatory Road, just off Byres Road. I also gave a birthday share there last Friday. It's every bit an achievement/credit for the folks in that meeting as it is my own effort that I got this far.

If 12-step is your kind of thing, they do a hybrid meeting there (Zoom and a physical meeting) on a Friday night from 10.30pm till midnight. Which I suppose will be a Saturday morning for you.
PM me if you want the log in details.
 




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