I quit my band and now I'm bummed

teleplayr

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Doing something that much that requires that level of commitment can wear very thin.

I know because I did worship music for 12 years.
The last 6 were in a big box evangelical joint that had a Saturday night service and 3 back-to-back Sunday services.
They ran 2 worship teams because they couldn't find one single group of people who would do that every weekend.
As it is, this schedule completely dominated my life for 6 years.
Ruined every other weekend. Took precious time away from being with my growing boys.
One frosty February Sunday the parking lot was covered in ice.
I had a Fender HRD, a guitar, and a duffelbag full of odds and ends I used to set up to carry in from the car.
I made the mistake of parking a couple rows closer to the door than usual.
The pastor sent one of his minions around during the second Sunday service to tell me to move my car.
"So those who arrive late can park closer."
I finished out the weekend, packed my gear, and never returned.
And that's WITHOUT all the hours of driving you describe.
Good news is I went from that to being a Scout leader for my boys' troop for 9 years.
Got to enjoy life more, spend time with the kids, etc.

So yeah, no matter how much fun it is, it can get wearisome after a while.


I hear you !

I did sound board work for a church that did the same three services on Sundays and that also included weddings & teen services on Friday nights. I was constantly having issues with the youth music director that no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get it through his head the proper way to sing into a microphone !

I was paid a small fee for my work and felt under-appreciated for all of my personal time I was giving up.

I finally gave i up and was glad I did !
 

teleplayr

Friend of Leo's
Joined
Feb 7, 2012
Posts
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Location
Nicoma Park, Oklahoma
Doing something that much that requires that level of commitment can wear very thin.

I know because I did worship music for 12 years.
The last 6 were in a big box evangelical joint that had a Saturday night service and 3 back-to-back Sunday services.
They ran 2 worship teams because they couldn't find one single group of people who would do that every weekend.
As it is, this schedule completely dominated my life for 6 years.
Ruined every other weekend. Took precious time away from being with my growing boys.
One frosty February Sunday the parking lot was covered in ice.
I had a Fender HRD, a guitar, and a duffelbag full of odds and ends I used to set up to carry in from the car.
I made the mistake of parking a couple rows closer to the door than usual.
The pastor sent one of his minions around during the second Sunday service to tell me to move my car.
"So those who arrive late can park closer."
I finished out the weekend, packed my gear, and never returned.
And that's WITHOUT all the hours of driving you describe.
Good news is I went from that to being a Scout leader for my boys' troop for 9 years.
Got to enjoy life more, spend time with the kids, etc.

So yeah, no matter how much fun it is, it can get wearisome after a while.


I hear you !

I did sound board work for a church that did the same three services on Sundays and that also included weddings & teen services on Friday nights. I was constantly having issues with the youth music director that no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get it through his head the proper way to sing into a microphone !

I was paid a small fee for my work and felt under-appreciated for all of my personal time I was giving up.

I finally gave i up and was glad I did !
 

johnny k

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France
Really good and popular classic country weekend band, 6 piece with pedal steel, fiddle and good sound person. Should be Telecaster heaven and it largely was but I grew tired of being a hired hand with little say in material, song lists, dress, etc. Since the bad thing we had to venture further out of town for gigs - Choice A: leave at noon or 1:00 on Saturday afternoon and get back home at 4:30 or 5:00 am provided there was no car or other trouble on the road, or Choice B: leave at noon or 1:00 Saturday afternoon and stay at a hotel after the gig, get home Sunday around noon. Traveling home netted $100 - $130 less meals and fuel, Staying overnight netted the same money less meals, fuel and hotel...either way the pay wasn't great and the weekend was shot. Finished out a string of gigs and called it quits with a couple month break looming, still on good terms with the band.

Other than the above mentioned frustrations I had 4 years of good fun and the band guys are all decent, very talented musicians. At 60 years old the late nights and travel were becoming an issue. However, last Saturday around 9:00 I started growing antsy and restless and recognized that I was missing playing. Now I'm having withdrawal of sorts, I thought I'd take the rest of this year and next year off to catch up and do some woodshedding but I've been toying with the idea of contacting another band that stays a little more local and had expressed some interest this past year.

Normal or neurotic?
Normal. When i am not gigging i want to gig, and when i am gigging i want to be home.
 

Fiesta Red

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Texas
Note:
I’ve never been a “professional musician” in the sense of “this is my sole means of living and how I’m paying my bills.”

I have been a serious hobbyist that actually made enough money to (at best) pay the odd house payment or unexpected bill or (at worst) self-fund/break even on the purchases and expenses of the hobby…

With those facts in mind:

If I’m having fun and I have the time, the money (or lack thereof) won’t matter…I’ll do it for free, if I’m enjoying myself.

But if the investment of time and energy is not paying off with (1) fun and/or (2) REAL money, I’d be out the door so quick it’s make the cymbals rattle.

Out of every “con” you mentioned, the “No say in material” is what stood out to me. For a couple of years I was a “hired gun” (playing harp in a blues band), making enough money to make a small but appreciable profit with minimal investment of time; one of the (multiple) reasons I quit was the fact that I had absolutely no input in what we played.
I mean, it’s not like I was the drummer! (Just kidding…maybe…)
But I made suggestions and requests that were well within the style of the band, and none of them were even considered.
No dice 🎲 🎲
Y’all have fun.
See ya around.

The same thing happened in a band that (at the time of formation) I was supposed to be the co-leader. My songs/song choices were slowly muscled out by the other guitarist/vocalist and bassist. This band also required a huge investment of time for rehearsal and travel to the gigs, with no money made.
No dice. 🎲 🎲
See ya.
I’ll make sure the door doesn’t hit me on the way out.

Now, if I were making serious bank (as in “making a living comparable to my day job doing this”), and joining a popular/renown band that had established hits and tradition, I’d consider setting aside my “fun first” attitude…but even that wouldn’t be tenable forever.

Whether it’s selfishness or ego or whatever, I didn’t bust my [word for Biblical Donkey redacted] writing songs and teaching myself to play guitar and harp and vocals just to make some noise that I’m no longer enjoying making.

After the two experiences above, I formed my own band that required very little in time investment and where I had a major say in what material we played—which on my part ended up being mostly my own songs and covers so obscure that everybody thought I wrote anyway.
-Everybody have fun. If you aren’t having fun, tell me why and we’ll work on it.
-Everybody has input on the set list (even on the songs I wrote)…anybody could suggest songs* and we’d seriously work on them.
-Pretty much the only way you’d be muscled out was bad behavior (drunkenness, whiny attitude, decreasing the level of fun for everyone else, etc.).

*the only times I shot down song suggestions were:

(1) when the songs were out of our range/style…
Such as when a guitarist demanded we play a medley of prog-rock “hits” from (early) Genesis, Yes, ELP and the like…
Ummm, dude…we are a three-chord/four-chord-at-most blues/rock/outlaw country band…we play Fabulous T-Birds and Waylon and ZZ Top type of stuff…We (as a band) don’t have the ability to play “The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway” followed by “Roundabout”…and even if we had the ability, we don’t have the desire to do that—we aren’t gonna rehearse enough to do those songs justice…denied!

And

(2) It was such a stupid idea that I’d be embarrassed to be onstage or to have my band’s name associated with it.
When the same guitarist demanded that he be given 15-20 minutes per gig for a solo set of songs he’d worked up, highlighted by a rendition of John Lennon’s “Imagine” played on the banjo, complete with a pseudo-mystical/philosophical/religious musing/rap about Lennon’s “possible Biblical reasonings for writing a beautiful song of hope and love.”
I’m not joking.
Ummm…dude…Even without the ridiculous religious stuff, you ain’t playing “Imagine” on the banjo in my band or on my stage…I’m slightly insane and even I know that’s a bad idea…adding the mystical angle totally negates your suggestion…denied!

He eventually whined his way out of the band, because we weren’t “taking him seriously” and he became a burden to deal with. He was/is a spectacular guitarist and excellent harmony vocalist, but he can’t join or form a band because he’s just so “out there” in his ideas.
 
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Skub

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It helps to have other irons in the fire for when you stop playing. Having said that,if you still want to gig,then there will usually be opportunities wherever you live.
In my instance it all happened quite organically. The band I was in was very busy and a good earner,but the female lead singer grew tired of it all. At 45 she got it into her head she was too old for jumping around on stage. She was married to the keys player,so when they both quit so did I.
I imagined I'd take some time out and do more writing and recording. Gigging always killed my incentive to create music,it seemed like more work. Yes,I had withdrawal symptoms,I missed the craic of playing in a good band on a good night,but didn't miss the travelling and the time suck involved,all the hanging around endlessly waiting.
So,fast forward about 5 years and I'm quite happy amusing myself and uploading tracks to the cloud,with little interest from anyone.but I don't care much.

My situation was different to some,I didn't need the money to keep body and soul together. For those doing it for a living,there's a whole different set of questions and answers I'm not qualified to pose or answer.
 

Happy Enchilada

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God's Country
I hear you !

I did sound board work for a church that did the same three services on Sundays and that also included weddings & teen services on Friday nights. I was constantly having issues with the youth music director that no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get it through his head the proper way to sing into a microphone !

I was paid a small fee for my work and felt under-appreciated for all of my personal time I was giving up.

I finally gave i up and was glad I did !
No doubt there were very many valid REASONS that the "youth music director" was NOT a performing/touring musician. The bright spot in my church musician days was actually the other musicians. We got along and actually had fun!
 

Happy Enchilada

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I recently stumbled into a weekly "beginner" bluegrass jam/lesson held at a local brewery.
Oddly, there were twice as many fiddles and banjos as there were guitars (and a few mandolins).
Most of the songs had less than 3 chords. And the guitar part was mostly rhythm.
However, the people there were kind and welcoming and there were lots of smiles.
And the beer was amazing ...
I plan to go back when I have a free evening - it's good practice and builds up those callouses!
 

Chiogtr4x

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Normal. When i am not gigging i want to gig, and when i am gigging i want to be home.
Boy, that's me! I gig a lot ( local), but I'm also a real 'homebody'- love to hang with my family & dog, as I'm indeed, getting older.

But I'm a miserable SOB, if I see ( on my Calendar) that I don't have a gig for a week.
" Nobody loves me, or the music I play!..." ( insecure, aging Baby-boomer thing)
 

charlie chitlin

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Not playing in a band is like being one of those amputees with itchy toes and no way to scratch them.
A very spiritual man once told me that if you have an addiction, when you die, it will be terrible because you'll no longer have a body to do the addictive thing.
Whether it's true or not, I feel like it's an accurate description of what it's like to not play music.
I think about this a lot these days...
 

teletail

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taking a year off to 'woodshed' is pretty silly, at the age of 60. How many years do you actually think you have left?
My mother is 90, lives on her own, drives, and plays golf 3 times a week.

He could have 30 more years, so who is being silly? Just curious; at what age do you recommend giving up and sitting on the couch waiting to die?
 

Fireball519

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Walland, Tn
I've done the same thing many times. Between wanting to play different genres, different instruments, different venues, stuff like that. I played my first gig when I was 5 and I'm almost 32. There will always be other bands
 

stxrus

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Normal. When the Fun-O-Meter needle stays too long on the wrong side it’s time for a change.
Find something closer to home if possible.
I miss playing out but my longest drive (here) was 40 minutes. The open mic/jam I hosted was 3 minutes from my house.👍
 

ricardo1912

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Kent, UK
I'm actually considering leaving a band that I really like. Great guys, especially the drummer who I've worked with so long that we can almost predict what the other will do. Good set list too and I get plenty of space for lead playing.
But .. we hardly ever gig, rehearsals keep getting cancelled altho we still have to pay for the studio, and now the drummer's last job has folded and he's working as a delivery driver. His shifts mean no Friday or Saturday evenings free, so we can't book gigs unless they're a Sunday afternoon.
I'm older than the op at 69, but I'm very aware that there are many more playing years behind me than in front and we never know what's round the corner. As others have said, I play to gig
 




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