I never outgrew notions like friendship, love and loyalty...

RetiredUnit1

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There's something about that way back time. I really know what the Blues Brothers were talking about when Elwood said, "It's 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses." And Jake said, "Hit it!" I've been there with a buddy before you really can't ever go back there. It's a heck of a feeling though, even if you have only known it a time or two.
My last name is Elwood, and my sister used to call me Elwood blues cuz I love to play them. And this was 1970. Do you think *anyone* believes I'm the *original* Elwood Blues???? :lol:

Man I totally freaked when I saw the movie trailer......
 

Jakedog

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I bounced geographically when I was young. Good for the mind, not good for the social life. In January of 1975, I switched schools (9th grade) from middle-class Tulsa to working-class Winnipeg. A guidance counsellor at the school in Winnipeg thought it would be tough to adjust, so he pulled three guys out of class for the day to show me around. I remained friends with all of them through Grade 11, two of them through Grade 12, and one of them has been my closest friend until right now. In fact, he moved to my island, thousands of kilometres from where we started, and now lives 15 minutes away. I don’t think you choose loyalty and friendship, it just happens.

EDIT: I hope that guidance counsellor (name forgotten) had a good life, because he helped me have one with one simple act.
I don’t live anywhere near my best bud. I’m in Cleveland. He’s in Lubbock, TX. But somehow the universe throws us a bone once in a while, and we end up in the same locale and get to play music together like we did when we were kids. Regardless of what’s going on, we keep in touch regularly. We’ve been with each other for most of the best and worst times of our lives. If he called me right now and said he needed me to be there, I’d go. Even if I wasn’t already 100% sure he’d do it for me.

You’re right. We don’t choose these people.
 

Fiesta Red

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Because if the high standards I hold, I didn’t meet my best (non-wife*) friend until I was 31. He was 50, and he said basically the same thing.


*yes, my wife is my other best friend, but there’s a lot of things I do with her that I have no desire to do with my best friend…but more to @blowtorch ’s point, I met her when I was 13, married her when I was 23.
 

getbent

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OP, like you, I have never given up on friendship, loyalty, love and compassion. I know that I will never know what is going on inside of other people, what makes them be and do the things they do. I only know what my motivations are. It is ENOUGH that I act on what I believe is important, what other appear to do or not do. for me, when I have expectations of others, I know I am being set up for disappointment.

the world is full of wonderful and good people, they are there.
 

thesamhill

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kid starts school next month. I will do anything to keep him from being a bully or being bullied.

the thought of her being bullied,

My experience with the kids being in school right now is that their school is so insanely different than my own, I think you just don't even bother worrying about it. Just wait and try to help but don't say anything beforehand.

I'm not saying that in a bad way at all, just in a way where, you're just wasting your time trying to think about it because nothing you know is going to apply.

When I was in school, I'm pretty sure I was a bully of some kids and I was bullied by other kids. That stuff was all just your opportunity to either "be a kid" (if you were the bully) or "learn to deal with adversity" (if you were getting beaten up).

And I'm not saying that's some great nostalgia either. It was dumb and awful. But that's how it was. My middle school principal sat me in his office and told me to hit a kid and get it over with so he'd leave me alone. I actually told HIM that might not be a good idea because I could probably have hurt the kid pretty bad and I didn't think the kid deserved it. So that got me props for being a mature young man.

This is mid to late 80s by the way.

My 7th grade teacher used to back the girls in my class into a corner and force them to kiss him. I got busted with a tape recorder trying to record him doing it because I didn't think it was right. The principal told me not to worry about it because - I swear this is true- the administration knew he was doing it and was planning to severely punish him by ~demoting him to teaching 6th grade~.

I didn't think that was enough so 7th grade me confronted the guy and told him if he did it to my little sister I'd come back and murder him by drowning him with the contents of his own colostomy bag that we all knew he had down his pant leg. He told me "take a hike." Literally those words, because in a situation where one of his students just threatened to murder him with his own poop for publicly molesting 7th grade girls he didn't want to say a curse word because it might get him in trouble.

Don't get me wrong, I would not say I went to a "bad" school. It was just a normal suburban/rural school.

So when my kids got to school I was all ready to deal with THAT. Or I thought it would be a little better in some ways but basically the same. I was ready to not tolerate anything and be protective and fierce and fight for them and make sure my kids were able to handle themselves.

And then I got there and (ymmv here but for me) everyone was like, "why are you wound so tight buddy? Relax, your kids are doing great." And they were. Things were freaking amazing. They were respected, supported, just really an amazing environment.

But I didn't trust it, I'm still checking in with the kids all the time, how's it going, are you comfortable at school, all that. Looking for the signs that it's still lurking there.

Nope. There's nobody fighting or being thrown in the dumpster, no teachers openly molesting any students. The kids are respected. It's not perfect but it is a lot better now.

And so... I can't really help them with their school world unless I just shut up and let them explain the entire situation to me because all the nuance that I personally learned to navigate is not there anymore. And we're talking about schools that are exactly the same, 30 miles apart, small town Central PA schools.

There's been once where we have had a bullying issue, and it was one kid that just kept saying the same kind of goofy thing to my son that we weren't even sure was mean. It was just kind of odd.

So we all went to the school and before we even got into the conference room, they had confronted the kid and explained the issue and he just broke down in tears right on the spot and was like, "wait, that was bullying? Why didn't anyone tell me that was bullying? I'm sorry, I never realized, etc." Kid actually felt gutted because he was a bully and that's like being a n*zi right now.

Point is, you can still be a support and listen and give hugs and whatever but don't even bother trying to give advice beforehand. You're just going to come across like the "friendly neighborhood psycho" character in a movie.

"Well you could try threatening to drown him with the contents of his colostomy bag, that's what I did when I was in 7th grade..."

"Ummm ok, Dad that's not even funny, that's just lame and weird. Why would you make a joke like that. But seriously Dad, let me ask you something..." You bet kiddo, how can I help
 

arlum

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'67 through '72. In my case age 12 though 17. My Generation. We were all Brothers and Sisters and it really felt For Real. At the end of my 17th year I joined the Navy and, oddly, that decision just reinforced those same beliefs. I was a Navy Hospital Corpsman for four years which meant I worked with both the Navy and the Marines. I can't imagine tighter groups of Brothers and Sisters. All for All. No One Left Behind. Bump forward twenty-five years and I find My Generation has succumbed to the failings of the generations that came before. I really believed in the "Age of Aquarius". An age when everyone would be their for everyone else. No more me first. Us together! No more "Me, Me, Me, Me. Rather, "All Together Now". "The Family of Man". And here I am today. Looking at members of my generation leading tech companies, earning more than 10,000+% of what they pay some of their workers. Owning $15,000,000 yachts they use once in a blue moon while the guys that keep there factories clean or work their assembly lines struggle to make ends meet. Brothers and Sisters who've spent more on Home Security, Private Jets, underpaid home servants and designer cloths than worker compensation. Brothers and Sisters spending more on a trip to lower outer space in a dildo shaped space craft than they give to the Health, Education or Welfare of the coming generations. This truly, believe it or not, hits me where it hurts. It actually disgusts me. Some of these Brothers and Sisters may have attended Woodstock. Were they pretenders back then or infected with greed later on. It's a horror story I can't get by. What went wrong? The latest "slap in the face" is this new "Rich Dudes Trying To Amend Before They Reach The Pearly Gates" decision to give all the wealth away to the poor and needy when they pass away. What the F**k! Do you think we or any possible hierarchy making important decisions on your afterlife will fall for this "Greedy bastard turns a new leaf at his death bed" load of cr*p. I want to apologize for those of "My Generation" who decided to continue the "Haves and Have Nots", horrorable caste systems, tiers of society, etc. way of life that has held back the family of man from ever achieving it's true culmination of a perfect world where all have everything they need. No one should be rich and no one should be starving. No one should live in mansions and no one should live in hovels. No one should get the best medicine has to offer while the majority struggle to survive. The excuses are bull ***t. "Blood" is bull***t. Race is bull***t. Choice of religion is bull***t. Heritage is bull***t. Family social position is bull***t. We either are or aren't "Brothers and Sisters". I would never live in a big house while my little sister lived in a tiny house. I would never drive a Rolls if my sister, in turn, had to drive a Kia. I would never sit in a restaurant and order Lobster *&$%#@ while my brother was trying to figure out if he had enough cash for french fries along with his burger.

To those who read this post, (in case it gets deleted), please note that I've not written one cuss word or named one name. I've accused no particular individual. I've just stated the facts as I see them and apologized for the deception some so called "Brothers and Sisters" played upon the true believers of our time. We really believed it would work. We really had the best hope for all future generations. A handful of greedy bas***ds destroyed our hopes and dreams. I, personally, am so very, very, very sorry.

Rick
arlum lightfinger
just one among many brothers and sisters.
 

Harry Styron

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I don’t know how we would know that the ideals and codes of behavior we were supposedly raised with have fallen to the wayside. Though I was lucky to grow up in a safe, secure and loving home, it was in a rough little town, and as a child I saw terrible things (physical abuse, guns drawn in anger, pedophilia, poverty, malnutrition, untreated mental illness, etc.). I have not been disappointed, because I didn’t start out thinking that mainstream American culture was pure or kind. I see a lot of goodness, though, and manage to be happy and grateful that I’m in a position to be helpful to others and make a living doing so.

All we know for sure is that as we get older, we tend to see a little deeper and are more discerning. If young people were that way, they might not have much fun and would turn into sourpusses like many older people.
 

Telekarster

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Some of these Brothers and Sisters may have attended Woodstock. Were they pretenders back then or infected with greed later on. It's a horror story I can't get by. What went wrong?

I suppose something my Father told me once, when I had similar frustrations as you have and I expressed those frustrations to him, may apply - "Son, always remember, people will be people first"

I also knew one gal that never gave up the Woodstock ideal (yes... she was actually there for the entire weekend). Just like the gal you see in the movie Forrest Gump in fact. She continued to wear peace signs, head bands, and caftans even through the 80's, man, and still flashin' the peace sign ✌️ like nothing ever changed. To say she looked a bit out of place and time would be an understatement. She bounced around from place to place her whole life. Unfortunately she passed away in her 50's, forever clinging onto "the movement" to the end. I think about her quite a bit actually and I know she was happy? in how she lived, so there's something to be said for that I suppose, but I also believe she could've been so much more. I think she realized that too in the end, and in her last 4-5 years she left the 60's and joined the 90's.... if that makes any sense. Again, very much like you see of that gal in the movie.

A former hippy friend of mine said something to me once that stuck with me, when we were talking about such things once "Man... I think our problem was we were so wrapped up in trying to change things, we didn't think about what it might cost" He's a millionaire today ;) LOL!!
 

Stanford Guitar

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legday.jpg
 

Cpb2020

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I’ve lost a few friends along the way, but I’ve still got one very close friend from high school, one from college, and another from work. I consider myself lucky. We went through lots together; that’s probably what made us so close.

And I’m probably loyal to a fault; staying behind to make my company better rather than running off for higher compensation. But then, my dad has been with the same company for 58 years, so it is how I was raised. And money or fancy things don’t bring me joy.

As for my kids, they’re amazing. First and foremost, my wife and I wanted to raise good people. They look out for others. They raise money for good causes (in fact, that is the genesis of their cover band, and which is why I’m on this board). They’re fiercely loyal. They’ve been hurt along the way by others, but on balance I’d rather them be good loyal friends and to be hurt than never make those connections.

As they say, better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

Good luck finding, regaining or maintaining your friendships, loyalty and love. It is worth it.
 

raito

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There is a saying:

"Never push a loyal person to the point where they no longer care."

I have pushed that further than that many times.
 

MTPoteet

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I have an acquaintance I've known for 42 years. Over that time our relationship has come and gone over and over.

We had scheduled a morning together in Oct. 2021 for 9:00 a.m..

I got a flu shot the day before and woke up sick as a dog, I texted him a 6:a.m.

He's ghosted me ever since. I don't need friends who play games at my age, I'm done.

I have a Strat of his I was setting up for him at the time, all he has to do is knock on the door and ask for it, I doubt it will ever happen.
 

imwjl

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Not where I am. It seems the opposite. Bullies were real physical threats when I was a kid, and adults could be trusted to do absolutely nothing at all to stop it. That doesn't seem to be the case anymore. My kid starts school next month. I will do anything to keep him from being a bully or being bullied.
The bullying will always exist but it's a different world than what I grew up in with a lot of it supported by coaches and a few teachers.

My 3 kids graduated from one of the biggest and most competitive high schools in our state. When graduation ceremonies occurred a few kids that would have been marginalized in my day were loved and downright stars. I also call bs on the common "everyone gets a star" mentality that goes around. Their classes graduated near 600 kids most all well prepared for their own particular strengths.

This should be another plug for the Factfulness book. The world is far different and better than so many perceive.
 

Preacher

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Kind of comical for me sometimes. One of my runaround buddies who we drank, smoked, slipped into drive in movies, and the drags at Famoso, got drunk on New Year's Eve the first year of high school, you know that kind of buddy. He became a PREACHER! When him and his wife have been around me, I can hear the eggshells crunching he's walking on. ;)

LOL this is me. I was quite the troubled youth back in the day. However I was pretty tame compared to some of my friends but people in my school when they heard I was a Pastor in a town a half hour away always gave the same response, "HIM?"

I don't make people walk on eggshells around me though. I have my beliefs and they are mine, if you want to hear them then ask me and I will tell you. But then again I would rather talk about motorcycles, guitars, sports or anything else you want to talk about.

I have about three good friends scattered all over the country. Some we talk every week, others not so often but when we get together it is like no time has passed.

I think in today's society people don't really know what constitutes a friend. We have friends on FB that we follow and have no relationship with but we think we do.
I tell people a true friend is the one that you can call at 2AM and they pick up the phone and will help you with whatever you need.

I have a lot of acquaintances that probably would not know if I died until months later that would tell people they are my friend.
 

brookdalebill

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My great parents taught my sisters and I the value of love, friendship and loyalty.
They loved each other, and my three sisters and I.
That love never faltered their entire lives.
I am forever grateful to them for the simple, and beautiful way they taught us by example.
That level of commitment is indeed rare, and invaluable.
 
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Greggorios

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I have and continue to embrace those notions. They're much of what makes life worth living. When I was young with limited life experience it was easier to be open to the joy of those things. As I began to accumulate some of the knocks, scrapes and scars of living it was easy to become cautious, skeptical and sadly, cynical about people.

I know that some of the biggest disappointments of my adult life have been losing and missing old friends and finding that they are not easily replaced. The possibility of friendships with love and loyalty are still out there but they take more work and effort as we mature. What good thing doesn't require some work and effort? I also woke up to the fact that it's not necessary to relate to each person on every aspect of life. Just being able to genuinely communicate on a just few things is more than enough to build satisfying relationships.

And then there's this...to steal from an old saying, "...friendships will appear when I'm open to making them."
:)
 




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