I have never been more sure about this, but I'm also scared to death about it.

Si G X

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Very clear that none of you has any clue on what happened and who I am and who she is.

But I'm not going to bother setting you guys right.

Obviously we don't and as you aren't going to bother telling us, we will continue not to.

I'm not even sure why you posted what you did? This is surely the kind of thing you might discuss with close friends who do know you and your situation?
 

ReverendRevolver

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Well, the ones who weren't, know who they are. And my post was directed at them.
Those of us rooting for you had compelling, multi application reasons why going for it was the most logical choice. Like they used to say, haters gon' hate. And even a forum of often burned aging musicians seem to nominally think you're making the right choice. Who cares what the doubters think?
 

johnny7

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I don't have a dog in this hunt but you posted on a public thread. I have read through all the postings and all of them resonate. If you thought that all the posts would support your desired outcome, that was an unrealistic expectation. The problem with asking or implying you want advice/feedback is that you will receive advice you do not want to hear. Just because it is not the advice/feedback you do not want to hear does not make it less valid. Ultimately, you are responsible for your own happiness. Any decision you make you own and collectively all those who posted wish you well. We are rooting for you.
 

Quarter1969

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A lot of us here (including me) most probably have some experience in similar "reunion" affairs, with possibly various levels of success - hence the myriad of opinions. I believe each one of us wishes you all the best in whatever is waiting for you on your life journey.

Being married (and divorced) twice I can understand that marriage (and especially the wedding) has some appeal and might be an inspiring concept. Nevertheless, if in your place, I would allow myself a good few years of living together under the same roof before making any move towards signing such a binding and costly to terminate contract. You're living in the country that is pretty far away from to Bible Belt - living together without being officially husband and wife in the Netherlands seems to carry no social issues for both of you. Therefore I see no point in not giving yourself some time to check what's under the pearly pickguard, stretch the strings and make sure the intonation is spot on across all positions.

Whatever you do - let it bring you happiness.
 

Toto'sDad

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The question has been posed if the OP knows his perspective bride's mother? That is probably the best advice given. If the lady's mother still lives, visit her. If you don't like momma, you probably won't like her daughter. If you like momma, you're probably okay. As close a barometer as you're going to find on the bride situation.
 
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ndcaster

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The question has been posed if the OP knows his perspective bride's mother? That is probably the best advice given. If the lady's mother still lives, visit her. If you don't like momma, you probably won't like her daughter. If you like momma, you're probably okay. As close a barometer as you're going to find on the bride situation.
'struth

the mother-daughter relationship is key

see also, "mother-in-law daughter relationship"

also key
 

rxmoore

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I'm my case, it was 28 years. I returned to my hometown and looked her up. We've been together ever since, 11 years, married 6 this month. There's a reason those feelings never disappeared. I hope in your case, as it was in mine, it was a good reason.
 

Greggorios

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The question has been posed if the OP knows his perspective bride's mother? That is probably the best advice given. If the lady's mother still lives, visit her. If you don't like momma, you probably won't like her daughter. If you like momma, you're probably okay. As close a barometer as you're going to find on the bride situation.
You make me smile TD. Dear old Dad told me the same when I was a teen and started dating.

"When you start getting serious about a girl, take a hard, long look at her mother. That's what you'll be dealing with 20 years down the line." Of course, like much of his advice, I didn't take much notice of it at the time. Couple decades down the line I realized it's truth. Life, what a ride.
 

Toto'sDad

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You make me smile TD. Dear old Dad told me the same when I was a teen and started dating.

"When you start getting serious about a girl, take a hard, long look at her mother. That's what you'll be dealing with 20 years down the line." Of course, like much of his advice, I didn't take much notice of it at the time. Couple decades down the line I realized it's truth. Life, what a ride.
Years ago, when I was hauling heavy equipment, my running buddy told me he was getting married. I told him to go meet the mother, and if he liked her, go ahead, if not, cancel out on the deal. He went ahead and married the gal, I went to the wedding. I knew it wasn't going to work and it didn't. My buddy told me I sure wish I'd listened to you. The daughter was just like the momma, and I couldn't stand the momma.

Maybe there is such a thing as Karma though. The buddy's ex married another guy not long after they divorced. Here's where the Karma kicks in. After a whirlwind romance, marriage and honeymoon in Europe, they returned home, and settled into living together.

One morning they got up, had breakfast, and the new husband said, I'm going to be needing some walking around money dear. The young lady was shocked and said, I was just getting ready to ask you for some money! It seems both had vastly overstated their monetary worth to each other. The woman living in a very nice home my buddy had provided for her, was easily able to convince her suitor she was wealthy. He with the showmanship of a gigolo had convinced her of his own wealth.

With a little help from her folks, the young lady was able to get the marriage annulled and she moved on to the next one. Life is just chocked full of little surprises! ;)
 

JDB2

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Meeting a woman's mother's husband, may or may not reflect on the paternity of the offspring.
Yeah my post assumed that “father” implies paternity of the offspring, but I can see I’m in over my head now. Doesn’t take me long on threads like this.
 

Toto'sDad

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Yeah my post assumed that “father” implies paternity of the offspring, but I can see I’m in over my head now. Doesn’t take me long on threads like this.
We just don't like to leave any stone unturned. As our Australian friends are wont to say. We Aussies are supposed to be descended from prisoners, however upon closer inspection, it seems many of us are descended from guards.
 

tubedude

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We talked about EVERYTHING, she and I have been completely open to each other.

But I'm not going to share any details on what we said.
No need to share. We just hoped you weren't jumping into an abyss without a flashlight. Glad you remade a connection.
 

Addnine

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I got married a 35. It was an adjustment. I suppose It hadn't really assimilated that when you get married, your wife is gonna be around ALL the time. They never leave. (It's been forty years now: she's still around. I'll just have to get used to it, I guess.)

Oh, and they pick up your stuff, even of you don't want them to.
 

dickey

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Don't do it.
Marriage is a fool's game & only benefits the woman
Just live together
68 & never married; no kids
Wouldn't have it any other way
 




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