I have never been more sure about this, but I'm also scared to death about it.

Preacher

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I think that's where the analogy falls apart, because I've never had a guitar go mental on me after a period of time.

Probably closer to reality would be that I had a guitar that fit/felt/sounded/responded great, but then I changed with what I expected out of a guitar.

So, considering that neither person in a relationship represents a guitar, it's absolutely worth considering that marriage is a huge step. So getting back to the analogy, it's probably worthy of some thought as to what each person's expectations are, and if they foresee them changing, and due to what circumstances those might be.
I will say that "humidity" does something to my wife and me that make us both "unplayable"...
 

Toto'sDad

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I say this in all sincerity, I hope she can do home repairs. My wife's work.

1656690521838.jpeg
 

Tone Quest

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You only get one shot at life, so go for it. As long as you are thinking with your heart and head. My wife and I got married in our 40's. 27 years and going strong. I wish you the same blessing.
 

CharlieO

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Over the years I have seen too many situations where two people absolutely belonged together, and for some reason they were not. They lived alone for 25, 30 years or even longer, and I know that they weren't happy. I suppose that one party may have a fear of commitment, or may have been the child of a bad marriage. The sad thing is that they let someone else's bad marriage prevent them from having a perfect marriage of their own.

If I were in the OP's position I absolutely would propose immediately, but I might state it in the form of a question. I'd ask, "what would you say if I asked you to marry me?" If she says yes, That's great. Then open the discussion about when to do it. If she says she does not want to be married, I would say that I understand and am willing to let things happen as they will in the future.
 

11 Gauge

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I suppose that one party may have a fear of commitment, or may have been the child of a bad marriage. The sad thing is that they let someone else's bad marriage prevent them from having a perfect marriage of their own.
Before my wife and I even started dating, we talked regularly about how we wouldn't ever get married, because we both experienced the ugly divorces of our parents. We swore up and down that we'd remain single (at least in the eyes of the church) forever.

I guess neither of us could deny that marriage was the right thing for us, though. We first met in '90, and got married in '93! So incorrect that we thought marriage was a bad thing, based on those of our parents.

The other peculiar thing is we swore we'd never be parents, either. That was more because of both her and myself having really disease-ridden genetics, though. So that took a good 9 years before we did it, and we adopted our daughter in '02. The funny twist with deciding to adopt was due to having a foreign exchange student live with us in the summer of '99, and when she left, the house was just too quiet.

In both cases, we got past the 'never mentality' simply by evaluating our own situation for what it realistically was, or at least what we imagined it might actually be.
 

ETMusic777

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Last year, completely out of the blue, my high school sweetheart re-appeared in my life 25 years after I last saw her. Back then, she and I had that kind of connection that a married couple have, we'd finish each other's sentences, had the lightning flashing whenever we touched.

We straight away fell back into those old roles, as if we had only seen each other last the week before. She also quickly put herself into a "Wife" role, telling me to properly take care of myself and being a support when I needed a shoulder to cry on.

Then telling me that she needed some space, I left her alone for around six months. Although I did keep in contact with her through the occasional E-mail.

Last month, I decided on a whim to call her, and she actually went "What took you so long?"

For the last couple of weeks she and I have been apping like crazy. And I shared with her my uncertainty about maybe having to sell the house when my mother passes away and fearing that I might royally screw that up. I told her that the house is too big for me alone to live in and maintain. And that if all else fails I'd plan to sell it off to my brother and his wife for them to live in and use the money to buy something around the rural parts of Maastricht.

She said "You CAN do that and know that I will always be by your side to help you." And that's when I knew it for sure.

I'm going to propose to her.

I told a trusted friend about it, and he said, "Pick the right moment to pop the question, you will know when it comes."

So I'm excited, but at the same time I'm terrified, what will she say?


I don't know you at all, but since you posted this in a public onine forum, I will give you my opinion as a man. IMO, you should be very careful with this decision. Her needing "6 months" time alone is a massive Red Flag. She seems desperate to land a husband and provider. If you are ok with that, then go for it, but you risk everything with this one, even if you knew her 25 years ago. You are risking your mental health and monetary wealth on this woman. Why the rush to propose to her? IMO more investigation into her is required. Google her name. Check all the dating apps and websites to see if she has any online dating profiles that you do not know about. If she is attractive, its very possible has orbiters and other men in her life. Women are hypergamous.

Make decisions based on rational facts, not how you 'feel'. I hope it works out. Good luck.
 
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somebodyelseuk

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If I haven't been in touch with someone for 25 years, there's a reason why.
After 5 years, I'll say hello, have a coffee, but anything more is off the table for ever.

Sorry mate, but I'm sceptical, especially when there's a house sale in the equation. There's been 25 years where she hasn't bothered to get in touch with you.
 

Flyboy

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I think you're about to go for it, and I wish you well. I wouldn't get married, though. One question, though; did you ever live with her?

Absences are something I'd worry about, especially when twinned with the reason 'I need space'. Space, in my experience, led to a woman I loved disappearing out of my life and getting married. Ten years later, when that marriage failed, she contacted me: she wanted me back. I met her a couple of times to discuss what had happened but I refused to leave the woman I was with. Then she disappeared out of my life again.

Another,, several years later, was a friend who became a lover. She then asked me to make a commitment, be partners, although we lived many miles apart. I foolishly agreed. I agreed because I was falling in love with her. She then began silent running, saying she needed time to think, as she felt so alone with me in another town. Three months later, after some probing, she admitted the existence of interest in a co-worker whom she had been sexting. She also told me that she still wanted me, but that turned out to be let-me-down-easy gaslighting. I was then told our relationship wasn't what she expected and she was forming a relationship with the co-worker.

What I'm saying is, yes, follow your heart but don't let it rule your head.
 
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teletail

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Very clear that none of you has any clue on what happened and who I am and who she is.

But I'm not going to bother setting you guys right.
You’re right, we don’t know you and we only know what you told us. However, many of us have been around the block a time or two and have seen similar situations. We’re making our comments based on those observations.

I’m sure most of us hope this works out for you, but don’t expect us to ignore a lifetime of experience and all the red flags and blow smoke up your ***.
 




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