I have never been more sure about this, but I'm also scared to death about it.

Toto'sDad

Tele Axpert
Ad Free Member
Joined
Jun 21, 2011
Posts
57,582
Location
Bakersfield
:lol::lol::lol: Yep! Oh.... and now might be a good time to repost that toilet paper hanger tape fix photo you've got! LOL! That one still cracks me up when I think about it. I told my wife (your wife's sister from another mister;)) about that and she said "Well.... yeah! I don't blame Mrs. TD one bit! Hey... I've asked you to fix "XYZ" for months, and you still haven't done it. Oh... golf huh? Fine. No worries... I'll fix it then, and don't complain about the work when you see it." LOL!!! :eek: :oops::rolleyes:

They gotta be sisters! My wife is always complaining about something "I haven't done." That's simply not true, I just haven't gathered all of the pertinent data, and formulated a plan yet! I'll get around to it, probably after I take a nap, to store up energy for that task. (If something doesn't come up in the meantime) ;)
 

Telekarster

Poster Extraordinaire
Gold Supporter
Joined
Aug 14, 2019
Posts
6,139
Location
Earth
They gotta be sisters! My wife is always complaining about something "I haven't done." That's simply not true, I just haven't gathered all of the pertinent data, and formulated a plan yet! I'll get around to it, probably after I take a nap, to store up energy for that task. (If something doesn't come up in the meantime) ;)

Just to get her riled up, sometimes I'll say, "Welp... why do today what you can put off for tomorrow?" LOL!!! Oh boy... sometimes it's exciting to bump the bees nest ;) LOL!!! :) There's that spice again! :cool:
 

Toto'sDad

Tele Axpert
Ad Free Member
Joined
Jun 21, 2011
Posts
57,582
Location
Bakersfield
Just to get her riled up, sometimes I'll say, "Welp... why do today what you can put off for tomorrow?" LOL!!! Oh boy... sometimes it's exciting to bump the bees nest ;) LOL!!! :) There's that spice again! :cool:
You know one thing I've discovered I really like pulling that chain, but I don't care much at all for having mine pulled! One of life's little mysteries! ;)
 

Blazer

Doctor of Teleocity
Ad Free Member
Joined
Dec 2, 2003
Posts
17,608
Age
46
Location
The Netherlands
Cool! Curious--do either of you have any kids? If yes, have you met them yet?
Nope, her debilitating illness took care of her child wish and my other relationships didn't last long enough to fulfil my own child wish. And perhaps for the better because with my own disability, I'm not sure I'd be much of a father.

But I would have loved to find out.
 

Gnometowner

Tele-Meister
Joined
Feb 1, 2022
Posts
342
Age
70
Location
Stillwater Oklahoma
I will be 70 July 26, I am in a new 2 month old start new relationship with a very sweet lady who will be 65 Nov 6th. We have both been cautious not wanting any complicated drama
Last night she soaked my shoulder with tears of joy as she didnt think it could happen until she met me and told me she really loves me. She told me how kind and strong and romantic I had been and she wants to be tight with me.
I am a very lucky guy
 

nojazzhere

Doctor of Teleocity
Ad Free Member
Joined
Feb 3, 2017
Posts
18,351
Age
70
Location
Foat Wuth, Texas
I will be 70 July 26, I am in a new 2 month old start new relationship with a very sweet lady who will be 65 Nov 6th. We have both been cautious not wanting any complicated drama
Last night she soaked my shoulder with tears of joy as she didnt think it could happen until she met me and told me she really loves me. She told me how kind and strong and romantic I had been and she wants to be tight with me.
I am a very lucky guy
Your story gives me reason to hope! ;););)
 

Toto'sDad

Tele Axpert
Ad Free Member
Joined
Jun 21, 2011
Posts
57,582
Location
Bakersfield
When you know, you know. I didn’t have a doubt in my mind from the first minute I saw her, and I still don’t. I’ve never once wondered “what if”, I’ve never once questioned the decision.

I understand not everyone gets to meet that person. It is however, my personal belief that a lot more people would if they either gave themselves the opportunity, or believed it when it happened, rather than always operating out of an abundance of caution and logic. Or preconceptions about who they’re looking for.

But what do I know? I only apply caution or logic in my life when something could be imminently physically dangerous. If it doesn’t have the potential to physically harm or kill me at that moment, I’m highly likely to go for it if it feels like it could turn out fun, just to see what will happen. Even if it could be physically dangerous, I’ll go for it if the potential for good significantly outweighs potential for bad. Almost half a century and I have some sweet scars but I ain’t dead yet, and I have amazing stories and memories.

And money, stuff, or property has never really mattered to me in any appreciable way. It’s just stuff.

And yeah, I teach my kids this stuff every day. Both by word, and by example.

Eat the cake. Kiss the girl. Climb the mountain. Stay up late for the eclipse. Buy the guitar. Go on tour. You might die in your sleep tonight. You just don’t know.
Although I'm one of the ones urging caution here, I do know how you feel and what you are talking about. I was in a terrible relationship, ditched it, and met and married the love of my life, and it has stood the test of time, 57 years, and she's still my sweetie, and my best friend.

I have to say this though, the OP himself says he's frightened of the situation. From what you post you never had any misgivings, nor did I with my wife. I saw her, asked her out on a date, and knew on the way home we were getting married. We were married only a few months after our first meeting as well. As I say, I NEVER had any misgivings of any kind. My experience in life has taught me almost without fail, when things are meant to be, it's like floating downstream on a raft. When they aren't meant to be it's like swimming upstream in rapids.
 

Jakedog

Telefied
Ad Free Member
Joined
Mar 26, 2003
Posts
22,937
Location
The North Coast
Although I'm one of the ones urging caution here, I do know how you feel and what you are talking about. I was in a terrible relationship, ditched it, and met and married the love of my life, and it has stood the test of time, 57 years, and she's still my sweetie, and my best friend.

I have to say this though, the OP himself says he's frightened of the situation. From what you post you never had any misgivings, nor did I with my wife. I saw her, asked her out on a date, and knew on the way home we were getting married. We were married only a few months after our first meeting as well. As I say, I NEVER had any misgivings of any kind. My experience in life has taught me almost without fail, when things are meant to be, it's like floating downstream on a raft. When they aren't meant to be it's like swimming upstream in rapids.
I didn’t have any misgivings about her at all. I was definitely scared to death, same as Blazer. Not about anything on my end. I was scared I’d ask her and she’d bolt. Petrified even.

But I did it anyhow. Because I figured if I did it, she might bolt right now. I also had a dark and nagging feeling that if I didn’t do it, and make things permanent, she’d eventually move on anyway. Nobody ever wants to feel like they just got asked because they threatened to leave if it didn’t happen. That’ll cause problems forever. Not to mention I don’t think I could ask someone once they made the announcement that if it didn’t happen, they were gonna move on. Neither party is ever really going to feel 100% about that. Somebody is always going to wonder if it was what the other one really wanted. Not my scene.

I decided that it would be less painful to lose her right that minute and get it over with, than it would be to lose her a year down the road. The old “rip the bandaid off” idea. So I just went for it. And she said ok. Phew!!
 
Last edited:

Toto'sDad

Tele Axpert
Ad Free Member
Joined
Jun 21, 2011
Posts
57,582
Location
Bakersfield
I didn’t have any misgivings about her at all. I was definitely scared to death, same as Blazer. Not about anything on my end. I was scared I’d ask her and she’d bolt. Petrified even.

But I did it anyhow. Because I figured if I did it, she might bolt right now. I also had a dark and nagging feeling that if I didn’t do it, and make things permanent, she’d eventually move on anyway. I decided that it would be less painful to lose her right that minute and get it over with, than it would be to lose her a year down the road. The old “rip the bandaid off” idea. So I just went for it. And she said ok. Phew!!

I seem to have overlooked saying that my wife felt the same as I did from the get-go. I thought she might have some problem with my having been married before, she did not. She and my son from the first marriage got along famously, he really liked her, and she him. My wife is really and truly a cut above me, I don't know how we ended up together, unless it just falls under my if it's meant to be, is like floating downstream on a raft.

As far as the money, and I've related this before on the forum, my wife had a heart procedure, and needed another one. We couldn't get approval from the insurance company, and the hospital called and said they had a slot open, if I wanted it for her, I had to take it then, which I did.

The insurance company raised a ruckus but finally agreed to foot the bill. They told me I could have been responsible for the entire bill. I said I could, but just barely handle it, but I'd be broke and out of a home. My feeling was we were broke when we got married and would just be back to square one. We would still be together though. Again, the raft thing kicked in, and she's been good for over sixteen years since the last procedure.
 

Fretting out

Doctor of Teleocity
Platinum Supporter
Joined
Jun 13, 2019
Posts
11,799
Age
30
Location
Land of Mary
I will be 70 July 26, I am in a new 2 month old start new relationship with a very sweet lady who will be 65 Nov 6th. We have both been cautious not wanting any complicated drama
Last night she soaked my shoulder with tears of joy as she didnt think it could happen until she met me and told me she really loves me. She told me how kind and strong and romantic I had been and she wants to be tight with me.
I am a very lucky guy
You ol’ sly silver fox ;)
 

ReverendRevolver

Friend of Leo's
Joined
Feb 2, 2019
Posts
3,084
Location
Ohio (Nerk)
I'd always rather regret something I've done than something I didn't do.

If you're compatible living g together, it seems right. And either way, you've gotten enough feedback both directions to just blame us if it doesn't go right.

But you know there's only one course of action that makes sense. You came looking for confirmation, a little nudge. You ended up with people telling you jump(or throwing you off the cliff, so to speak). You're going to fly or fall, both are better than not making the jump at all.

Good luck, @Blazer
 

stantheman

Doctor of Teleocity
Joined
Jun 10, 2003
Posts
11,895
Age
68
Location
White Mountains
I think don't walk.
RUN!!!

DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU.
THIS IS TROUBLE.
I think I'm gonna give You ...
a sympathy hurl.

IF I had a choice between co-habitation
where I could LOSE EVERYTHING AGAIN
or solitude / solitude wins hands down.

Figures I read this day the day I end my
self-imposed cleansing...
 

soundchaser59

Friend of Leo's
Ad Free Member
Joined
Jan 30, 2010
Posts
2,104
Location
Up The Creek
Last year, completely out of the blue, my high school sweetheart re-appeared in my life 25 years after I last saw her. Back then, she and I had that kind of connection that a married couple have, we'd finish each other's sentences, had the lightning flashing whenever we touched.
We straight away fell back into those old roles, as if we had only seen each other last the week before. She also quickly put herself into a "Wife" role, telling me to properly take care of myself and being a support when I needed a shoulder to cry on.
Then telling me that she needed some space, I left her alone for around six months. Although I did keep in contact with her through the occasional E-mail.
Last month, I decided on a whim to call her, and she actually went "What took you so long?"
For the last couple of weeks she and I have been apping like crazy. And I shared with her my uncertainty about maybe having to sell the house when my mother passes away and fearing that I might royally screw that up. I told her that the house is too big for me alone to live in and maintain. And that if all else fails I'd plan to sell it off to my brother and his wife for them to live in and use the money to buy something around the rural parts of Maastricht.
She said "You CAN do that and know that I will always be by your side to help you." And that's when I knew it for sure.
I'm going to propose to her.
I told a trusted friend about it, and he said, "Pick the right moment to pop the question, you will know when it comes."
So I'm excited, but at the same time I'm terrified, what will she say?
I would give anything to be in that position with the girl I scared away back in college. I'll never get the chance because 25 years after she broke up with me she had an aortic rupture and dropped dead in her tracks. We were soul mates through and through, but I was scared.
Don't run away from the fire, jump into it and dance. Life is too short and definitely too unpredictable not to take a chance on love with a soul mate. Just don't let your self worth hinge on what she does. If it doesnt' work and she runs away, it has to be her loss, too, not just your loss.
 
Last edited:

Tele-friend

Tele-Afflicted
Joined
Dec 26, 2020
Posts
1,199
Location
EU
Why not ask her to live with you together for a couple of months or a year. I understand you have that special thing going on, but to live together is a whole new thing. It can work out superb or you can see, that there are things that you both will not like.
If you are both happy, you can still propose to her any time.
 

haggardfan1

Friend of Leo's
Joined
Mar 17, 2014
Posts
4,617
Age
58
Location
Texas, Louisiana, Texas again
Well, I guess I can offer something. I hope it isn't too long.

Almost eight years ago, I posted a thread called something like Ever Dated a Co-Worker Successfully? I was subsequently with a much younger woman and her three school age kids for seven years.

The first few months were wonderful....then I realized that she could not live on her own. She either lived with a guy, or with her parents, all her life. I violated every personal rule I had to be with her: no one with different spiritual values, no school age kids, no one with zero knowledge of classic country music. She was beautiful and intelligent, with a great sense of humor, but nothing much below the surface. Like opening a well-wrapped Christmas present...and discovering the box empty.

She was a textbook narcissist who habitually captured the interest of a new partner (source, if you know the type) way before breaking with the old one. In 2019, she met a male friend of her sister over in the DFW area, and started going over there every weekend under the guise of shopping, or getting to know her sister better.
I was born in the afternoon, but not yesterday afternoon...and I always knew.

Some things are hard to tell....about a year after we started dating, she made what I believe was a false profession of faith and was baptized in my church. After I asked what she and the new boy toy had in common, she said he was also an atheist. I asked if her display at church had any meaning to her, and she replied "No. I was just trying to be a better girlfriend."

Aside from Rangers baseball, she always disdained every other sport, especially football--complaining about sports on TV every time we went to visit her parents on a weekend.

She claimed to discover a new interest in the Cowboys and the Mavericks after meeting the new guy. Typical narcissistic mirroring--just as she did with me. Good riddance. Someday soon she'll tire of being a sports widow, and he too will hear: "No. I was just trying to be a better girlfriend."

Well, what a difference a few months makes.

After my ex left home lock, stock, and barrel, and kids, (thereby making me realize that she was never going to "choose me") I hit rock bottom. I was close with her children, and her older daughter still keeps in touch. Lauren in fact was so disgusted with her mother's behavior that she moved to Illinois to live with her real dad and stepmother.

At 57 years of age, I got a DWI, lost my job, and had to totally reinvent myself or else. I realized very quickly that my dogs needed me to be reliable and coherent; after all, I have no surviving family. I'm the childless only child of two only children. I'm the last of the Mohicans, if you will.

A couple who both worked at my previous employer kept in close touch to make sure I was ok. After I recovered from the initial devastation, got on probation, and got a new job, I got to thinking about a lady at that workplace who was always friendly and cute, and we had nice but brief conversations. This was back before Christmastime. I knew that my friends were good friends with that lady, and one day, against my better judgement, I asked my friend if she knew Angie's status, and if she was single, did she think she would talk to me. I knew the lady lived with her dad, but I didn't know if she was married or single, or what. I only knew I liked her, and she seemed to like me.

Well. We got in touch, and in turns out there was some mutual admiration, to say the least. We have been dating since late December and never had a cross word. We share beliefs, financial goals, a sense of humor, and similar life experiences.
After six months, we seem totally compatible, and I have given some thought already to making it official. We'll see. We are actually hanging out all this weekend to go to my gig Saturday night, chill, and maybe cook out or go to dinner and a movie Sunday. It's a big step but we are having a blast. Her kids are grown and I like them, and they like me.

I only wanted to share my renewed faith that such a thing as OP posted is indeed possible. As are a whole plethora of other miracles.
 
Last edited:

twochiptele

TDPRI Member
Joined
Jun 15, 2022
Posts
20
Age
57
Location
Cheesecity, NL
Only good reasons I can think of marrying is taxes, kids and property. The first and last can be solved with other "living-together-contracts" .
And as I see it through the eyes of a fellow-Dutchie:

If you're afraid to lose her because of you NOT proposing, well... for me that would be a reason NOT to propose..
I think if the commitment and love is genuine and solid , you don't need proof of that in written form. I know I don't.
Just let the relationship blossom and see where it both leads you, enjoy the ride. You don't have to be married to have a good relationship..
 

burntfrijoles

Poster Extraordinaire
Joined
Feb 12, 2010
Posts
9,720
Location
Somewhere Over The Rainbow
A few years ago, I reached out to an old flame. We had parted about 38 years ago. At first we were both full of promise. It didn't go well. At first I was disappointed and then I remembered why we were an unlikely, and bad, match. I can chuckle about it now. I am glad we made the brief attempt. It taught me a lesson about myself. No harm, no foul.
I remember a wise dear old friend of mine use to always caution "never look back". I think it unwise to use the term "never" but in my case I should heeded his advice.
Every situation is different.
Good luck to you.
 




Top