I got kicked out of yet another band...

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by teleblueman, May 11, 2019.

  1. GibbyTwin

    GibbyTwin Tele-Meister

    Apr 16, 2011
    somewhere between Asbury Park and Atlantic City
    It's like dating.....rarely does one find the one right out of the gate. Not saying it can't happen but I believe that is the exception, not the norm.
    You keep trying and that's a good thing. Eventually you will link up with a group of players who want the same thing, are compatible and reinforce each other, and act like adults.
    Don't give up.
  2. sardinista

    sardinista TDPRI Member

    Mar 20, 2019
    Bay Area, CA
    Band drama has been a thing for as long as there have been bands. People have sucked for as long as there have been people. Nothing is “getting worse” as time goes on — it’s just that poor behavior manifests in different ways.
  3. Teleguy61

    Teleguy61 Friend of Leo's

    May 17, 2010
    Eastern Massachusetts

    Amateurs behave like amateurs.
  4. Tomm Williams

    Tomm Williams Tele-Afflicted

    Jun 11, 2016
    I've been in the same band for 15 years and love the guys. There are times though when I just enjoy going to a blues jam downtown, playing my few songs and walking out. Once this band ends (and they all do eventually) I will not attempt to join another. The freedom and relaxed atmosphere of a good jam is all I need.
    tery and Random1643 like this.
  5. ReverendRevolver

    ReverendRevolver Tele-Holic

    Feb 2, 2019
    Ohio (Nerk)
    2006-drummer and I find this AWESOME bass player, like Les Claypool sick. Then realize hes just noodling and has no idea what song structure is, so the drummer(not my normal guy, better) and I give up and split.

    2008-my band broke up when drummer went to prison 18tolife.

    2008- I get invited to jam with a new band and basically say "you guys are too good, ain't no way I'll be an actual asset here" and peace out.

    2009-band broke up because drummer moved and its apparently hard to book a punk band in country bars and Eagles branches (who knew, right?)

    2010- (or 11?) Band was going to kick out rhythm guitarist because he was spending too much energy showing off for his new girlfriend who he brought to practice, then stopped coming to practice. Joke was on us, unreliable bass player skipped out a paying gig to play an open mic night with an acoustic guitar. So we told the rhythm player we were just breaking up, and never told him the Bass player was the reason. To this day, Mike thinks we didn't want to go on without him......

    I think my history in bands better prepared me for literally every bad HR spell I've ever had professionally as a retail manager. It's the same crap on a different scale, but nobody's asking to borrow my tele....

    Seriously though, back to the 2008 thing, I'm totally gonna blues brothers my old band back together when that drummer gets out of prison.

    If you have the drive to keep playing out, you can find some like minded individuals and make it happen. If life gets you down, remember;
    All the musicians who shafted you can get immortalized in a hilarious song for the next band. Especially the last ones, because that's like sitcom joke level stuff.....
  6. jrblue

    jrblue Tele-Afflicted

    Nov 14, 2010
    Santa Barbara
    Well, claiming that you learned 15 sounds well and 35 "half ass" doesn't sound like a "great work ethic" to me -- though it does sound reasonable. Personally, your experience sounds pretty normal, though that doesn't make it any less frustrating and just plain not nice. I see little of the old kind of band ethic many of us remember -- I think a lot of people don't understand commitment, flexibility, responsibility, and are happy to flit from one thing to the next. You sound serious to me; they sound spoiled, casual, and fussy. I do lots of one or two gig things where I am, not because I am too good or too bad for the people I play with, but because none of them are together enough or even inclined to form something ongoing. Most are very able, and generally every group gets along... they just don't have it in them to really work at being an ensemble or a group. So, I let it go. Since that's the way 99% of music is produced now -- one shot effort. The give and take you are so clearly willing to extend is just not something lightweights are into anymore.
  7. Mojo Brown

    Mojo Brown TDPRI Member

    May 9, 2019
    Aww man, they gave ya the Pete Best treatment!? Bummer.

    Instead of sharing stories of fallouts I'll give some chummy tips for playing with bands I picked over my career. If the shoe fits wear it and if don't then compare it.

    You have to know the source material.

    With the 2nd band, you didn't learn the material. Maybe it was too much or you weren't into the songs or whatever the case may be but that's a pretty standard practice to let go of someone who did not learn the material in time. Easier said than done, I know.

    Relax and have fun.

    You're gonna get told: Turn down! Tune up! Play it this way! Play it that way! Just smile and do your best. Be as open minded as possible. Can not stress this enough.

    Almost all issues in a band stem from one of two things. Talent(or lack there of) and ego.

    Example: Someone here posted a video of a shred god that was kicked from several bands, I believe. I totally get it. Shredders are known for wanting to be the center of focus in song so they can put their chops to use. Nothing wrong with that either. However is that what the band wants? In most cases, it's not. I got a lot of session work over better guitarist simply because I was easy to work with. Happy mediums often equal happy band life.

    Find your groove

    Think of a drummer falling into a deep pocket. That's what you want to do with the band. Your playing needs to vibe with everyone else. A guitarist that complements the other members of the band via his playing will rarely have to 'look for a band'.

    This one is just the reality of being in a band - every band has a leader. Typically 1 or 2 members will call the shots for the whole band. If you have an issue being a 'follower' than the easy fix is start your own band and make sure you lead it. I dare say it's easier to lead a band than it is to follow. Musicians are creative minds and it's hard for most of us to put a limit on that creativity.

    Most of all, don't let any of it get you down and don't take any of it personally, even though sometimes it may feel that way. Also easier said than done, but it's a very important characteristic to develop as a musician.

    You seem to have the passion for it so stay with it man. May take 3 more years but when you find it, it's truly amazing. You'll cherish those times for the rest of your life.
    Last edited: May 12, 2019
    Dr Improbable, thegeezer and Alter like this.
  8. Boil

    Boil Tele-Holic

    Oct 30, 2011
    Hmm reading that makes me realize I got ghosted by a guy who was playing with me and my bass player on a casual basis, he stopped showing up, doesn't return emails, texts or phone calls.
    This was a couple of years ago, my wife bumped into him in a store around then and he said he would call, being polite I guess. Thing is he left a Fuzz face behind, don't know what to do with it, It's not mine but I can't contact him to give it back. I'm sort of stuck with it taking up room.
  9. guitartwonk

    guitartwonk Tele-Meister

    Dec 30, 2017
    People's Republic of Blighty
    Sell it if you've got non-use for it yourself. If matey boy can't be bothered to come pick it up then, well, it's yours.

    Sent from my Phone using Tapatalk
    joe_cpwe and Dr Improbable like this.
  10. gridlock

    gridlock Friend of Leo's

    Oct 1, 2011
    Tampa, Fl
    Similar story with me recently, not kicked out, but the band dissolved.

    Jammed regularly with three guys that I’ve known for years, a couple of times each month, for almost a year. We had 35-40 songs nailed and we all talked about how fun it would be to gig again, a few times a year.

    We had an exceptionally good singer (who I was in a band with previously for years), we sounded really good, all lived 20 minutes from each other, had a good place to rehearse, and had our first gig lined up.

    A week before the gig, two of the guys bailed for personal reasons. I understand doing this for temporarily for family, but giving up something that you supposedly love, for just a few hours of your time each month, doesn’t make sense to me.

    Especially after changing your mind, almost a year later, and letting down the other two other guys in the so-called band, just a week before our first gig.

    Can you tell, I’m just a little bit disappointed.
    Last edited: May 12, 2019
  11. radiocaster

    radiocaster Poster Extraordinaire

    Aug 18, 2015
    I wouldn't be interested in something like that to begin with. Probably would get 5 songs at most down in 2 weeks.

    Did they not have a second guitarist?
  12. 24 track

    24 track Doctor of Teleocity Silver Supporter

    Nov 6, 2014
    kamloops bc
    the last band I was gigging with , we had a TV appearence comming up so we worked really hard at rehearsals , I mentioned to the rhythm player that before we do an important gig that our lead singer would spazz out and get all f'd up about it and I wasnt going take it any more , this was 2 weeks before the gig and just like clock work 48 hrs before the gig he starts freaking out over nothing , so I called the rhythm player at home ( I was helping him with an issue he had relating to my day job work) and said I'm out of here , I quit , I said I would not put up with it and wont , the lead singer thought his playing for a year gave him some rock star status of some kind and he wasnt that good, more inexpirience than anything else, but i had enough , about 2 years later I was aked to reconsider , I said no.

    the majoyity of the songs and arrangements were in a straight 4 time and based on a 1-4-5 thing this was the only thing the singer could do, so no great loss there

    I hate Band politics, but it is great if everyone clicks, you would think that courtesay would be as instrumental in dealing with band mates, at least at our ages
    Last edited: May 12, 2019
  13. Cysquatch

    Cysquatch Tele-Meister

    May 2, 2019
    Grovetown, GA
    I never got this. One of my first bands was with a buddy of mine who could play every single instrument in the band better than everyone else. He's to this day the best musician I've ever been around (and this was at 16 mind you, so lord knows what kind of musical freakshow he's become). But we all loved it. He and I were usually guitars, but we'd do some really funky stuff and he'd rotate onto bass, or I'd hop onto bass and the "bassist" would play rhythm for a while. And occasionally he'd hop on the trap set for jazzier bits and I'd play lead with the "drummer" on bass and "bassist" on rhythm. It was a really great time and helped all of us grow as musicians and all of us loved just kind of being his backing band - less pressure and felt like some kind of small town Midwestern version of being a hired gun for some big star.
  14. mimmo

    mimmo Friend of Leo's

    Mar 18, 2010
    Paris France - Rome Italy
    I have been fired after third rehearsal because I couldn't play an arpeggio properly.
    I learnt something like eight songs, I played ok (not perfectly but ok) and they told "don't worry, see you next week".
    When I got back home I found an sms saying "you are fired".

    I mean, it was just an arpeggio that I could actually play. Just couldn't in that particular moment, don't know why.

    There is no pity, really.
    Mojo Brown likes this.
  15. MrCairo46

    MrCairo46 Friend of Leo's

    Jul 17, 2009
    Baltimore, Maryland Hon!
    You say you’ve been gigging since 1980 except for a few years off. Are you still wearing your spandex from the 1980,s ?
  16. Mid Life Crisis

    Mid Life Crisis Friend of Leo's

    Jan 12, 2007
    Cambridge, England
    The second band you can't really complain too much...sure 50 songs in a fortnight is a tall order but you shouldn't have agreed to it if it wasn't possible to fulfil. The third band though...ghosting you like that is not on. If they didn't want you in the band, someone should have been man enough to tell you straight and fair rather than the radio silence. Sadly there are too many characters like that in any given music scene.

    I got dumped by two prospective bands recently. First one after I'd spent two weeks learning the set including stepping outside my comfort zone to do some keyboard parts...I met the guy, got on OK with him and started to plan it all out (it was a new band) only to get a message two days later saying he was going to bring in his son instead.

    Second one I started learning some songs from their set so I could go to an audition, then I got a message saying the lead singer was going to have a go at the guitar parts instead. Such is life. As someone posted earlier, playing in jams is probably more fun. Kind of analogous to having no-strings romantic encounters I guess.
  17. bgmacaw

    bgmacaw Friend of Leo's

    Feb 11, 2006
    Near Athens GA USA
    "Ghosting" has become more popular in all kinds of relationships these days, dating and business.

    My most recent experience with it was a work where my newly hired manager worked at the company for about 2 weeks and then didn't show up. Nobody knew what happened and he wouldn't answer calls. Finally, we found out he had taken another job he had been interviewing for.

    The last band I was in, about 3 years ago now, just dissolved after a couple of gigs. We just didn't have the time to put into it.
  18. Bergy

    Bergy Tele-Meister

    Dec 12, 2018
    I’ve been in a lot of bands that have stalled out or dissolved. Most of em do. I wouldn’t lose too much sleep over it. Being a good fit for the band is really important particularly with vocalists and lead guitarists. Although I agree the way they did it was kinda chicken shirt.

    Just to cover yer own back, it is sometimes really informative to watch videos of your performances/rehearsals. Sometimes you’ll notice things about your playing that are easy to fix but hard to observe when you are in the moment playing music.
  19. Flat6Driver

    Flat6Driver Friend of Leo's

    Jan 14, 2013
    DC Burbs

    I like the concept of a jam but sometimes the execution is off. Not saying you can't have a mess in a band but I like to do nonstandard blues tunes. 16 bars, 8 etc. So it's a grab bag if you get folks that don't foul it up. Of course I sing too, so people look at me like I'm in charge for 3 songs. Yikes
  20. Dr Improbable

    Dr Improbable Tele-Meister

    Aug 14, 2015
    The Blues band thing really throws me. I've played dozens of Blues gigs with an entire pick up group. Usually the one guy whp knows what's going on can throw cues.

    I ended up putting my own group together. I got a girl bass player, who I eventually dated (don't ever do that), who would give cues to fill in drummers. I don't play out anymore, but I know dozens of players I could do a pick up gig with. But no bass players. Seriously, keep it in your pants.
    nojazzhere likes this.
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