Jump on the did-it-to-myself train as I turn my growls at an endless series of AWFUL student papers on myself. After all, I'm the one who chose this shaky racket. (And this keeps the thread from being "abusive.") I am so dumb that I once stared at an orange juice container for 20 minutes because it said "Concentrate." I'm listed in "Who's Who" as "What's That?" I once studied for a blood test. I tripped over a cordless phone. It takes me two hours to watch "60 Minutes." When driving to the airport, when I saw the sign that said "Airport Left," I just went home. When my wife said, "Make up your mind," I put lipstick on my forehead. I have to get naked to count to 21. My "I'm With Stupid" shirt is inside out. If you stand close enough to me, you can hear the ocean. I tried to party at the Electoral College. I thought innuendo was an Italian suppository. I stole a free sample. I (sometimes) still think that students can learn, and should work hard to try. YOUR TURN!