I’ll start: A man went to a night club for an audition as a piano player. He sat down and began to play the most beautiful melody. People began to gather around to listen and when he was done the room burst into applause. The manager said "that was the most beautiful song I have ever heard, was Chopin or Brahms?" "No, I wrote it myself" "What's it called?" the manager asked. "Lift up your blouse and show me your ****." The manager was a little dumbfounded but asked him to play another song. The piano player played another song even more beautiful than the first and the room burst into even more applause. "Was that Bach or Beethoven?" "I wrote it myself" Reluctantly the manager asked the name of the song. "Bend over, lift up your skirt and show me where the sun never shines" replied the piano player. "You are hired but please don't introduce any of your songs, I won't even put a mike on stage -- just play and don't talk" said the manager. That night the piano player came in and played his first set to a rapt audience. He received a standing ovation after every song and when he finished the set, he left the stage for the men's room. While standing at the urinal a man came up and said "You are the greatest piano player I have ever heard." "May I have your autograph?" The piano player obliged and was so excited, he left the men's room without zipping up his fly. He went to the bar and asked a cocktail waitress for a drink. She said "Sure-and by the way you are the best piano player I have ever heard but do you know your zipper is down and your dick is hanging out." "Do I know it? he replied. "Hell I WROTE it!!!!!"