How do you keep a marriage from getting boring?

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by BigDaddyLH, Aug 31, 2019.

  1. GoldieLocks

    GoldieLocks Tele-Afflicted

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    People in healthy marriages appreciate the different phases of life:

    Young Love
    careers
    Children
    Home buying
    Mid-life Crisis
    Grandchildren
    Health Issues
    Family
    Hobbies and Vacations

    Divorces often happen when one of the partners lives like a teenager. Or the other immediately goes from Young love to Grouchy old ogre with zero sex appeal)
    When you're married: marriage comes First. (You buy a guitar - You check with your spouse). (You go out with the guys - you check with your spouse). It's YOU and your SPOUSE against the World. That's never boring.
     
  2. stefanhotrod

    stefanhotrod Tele-Meister

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    You won‘t.
     
  3. Wallo Tweed

    Wallo Tweed Friend of Leo's

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    We hit 45 years this year.
    The secret? I have no idea.
    But can you believe in all those years, never, ever one harsh word between us.;):)
     
  4. aerhed

    aerhed Friend of Leo's

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    Dude.
     
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  5. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Well, hey. That which does not kill you makes you stronger, right?

    Unfortunately, you can be "stronger" and also left horribly maimed

    I for one never wanted to be this strong
     
  6. Mike Eskimo

    Mike Eskimo Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    34 years and 9 years are vastly different.

    My sister was in a relationship with a guy for 26 years, three kids, many houses.

    She lost her ass when they split up because she wasn’t as aggressive and duplicitous as he was.

    There was no contract/no legal standing.

    No “common law spouse” in my state.
     
    Last edited: Sep 1, 2019
  7. Lonn

    Lonn Friend of Leo's

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    If there really is such a thing as soulmates then my wife and I are soulmates. We are from different parts of the world and re 16 years apart in age. We couldn't have come from more different backgrounds and met in tiny Anderson Indiana. I believe we were meant to be together and she feels the same way. We build each other up emotionally and morally and fortunately are very similar people in many ways. To answer the question, have a genuine care for your wife and value her. If you don't have that I don't know what to tell you. Find stuff you both like to do and do it. For my wife and I life is all about experiences and we get out of the house as much as possible, even if it's to walk around the neighborhood.
     
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  8. P-Nutz

    P-Nutz Tele-Afflicted Silver Supporter

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    One week from tomorrow it’ll be 30 years of marriage after a year of “dating” ... the first time I saw her, I was sitting with my then drummer (who later was my best man) and said, “I’m going to marry that woman,” to which he replied, “Really? ‘Cuz you only date Mary Jane ...”

    Sittin’ in a hotel room in Evanston, takin’ younger back for his senior year, life is good ... we even play in a band together ... and Mary Jane still stops in to visit occasionally ... ;)

    Peace
     
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  9. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

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    It's worked for going on fifty four years for me and the missus.
     
  10. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Now we know the rest of the story on why leash laws should be stringently enforced.
     
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  11. william tele

    william tele Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    Hey Mr. Tweed, I've met you, so...yes, I can believe that! Your wife "lets" you take solo bike trips across the country and I've heard how you talk about her.

    My wife and I hit 40 years this June and we never have a harsh word either. We love to travel together and I'll be the first to admit that our lives aren't flashy or fascinating...but we smile a lot and work toward common goals.

    Whenever these threads come up it can't be stated enough that "luck of the draw" can not be dismissed. :)
     
  12. aerhed

    aerhed Friend of Leo's

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    Well I guess I have envy for you all that have lucked out. 32 years didn't work for me. Bad juju. It's been 3 months and I feel, move, and look ten years younger. Can't wait for my hair to grow back.
     
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  13. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Mucho psycho babble in this thread, truth is, most people's word is no good it's as simple as that. My wife is from a large family of nine, they grew up hard and with that many kids, they sure didn't get as much attention as the modern spoilt off spring of modern day folks. Out of the nine, all but one of them were successful in marriage. The only one whose marriage failed was because of something along the lines of the OP.

    I had a failed marriage that lasted a short while, too much rodeo and too many wranglers to suit me. Following my philosophy of if someone is going to have to feel bad I'd just as soon it would be anyone but me, I divorced. When I remarried, I not only decided it was going to be for good, and it has been. For a marriage to work, there has to be something worth having.
     
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  14. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

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    It helps somewhat if you happen to be twitterpated which I was and have been for fifty four years.

    [​IMG]
     
  15. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

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    I remember maybe not the only thing that truly decided me on ending my first brief marriage but it certainly helped. After deciding we should do some soul searching, and be honest with each other, my ex looked at me and said. "I've put myself in your place and decided you're still wrong you S.O.B." My ex had been married before I came along. She continually told me what a sorry scumbag he was. Funny thing is, I knew the guy and he didn't seem that way at all to me. Now that I'm older, I'm not surprised I turned into the same guy she was married to before. None of this matters now, because she passed quite a while back. I hope she found peace somewhere. No matter what went on between us, we produced a wonderful man child who gave me four grandchildren before he passed.
     
  16. Mike Eskimo

    Mike Eskimo Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    Dr Laura (and I don’t really like Dr Laura) says luck only goes so far and after that - it’s basically , make an educated choice based on the evidence you have in front of you.

    That’s why I didn’t stay with the skinny little thing that occasionally squawked like a parrot, smoked like a chimney, and had a personality like bottled vinegar. :eek:

    Also why I didn’t marry the 23 yr old curvy, flaming redhead 8 years my junior when I found out she was as dull as a prison spoon (“I don’t know, what do you want to do ?”) :mad:
     
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  17. burntfrijoles

    burntfrijoles Poster Extraordinaire

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    Gee, that's an age old question and it's an amalgam of a lot of factors. Marriages fail for reasons other than boredom.
    One thing that stands out to me in your narrative is the perception that someone else's relationship is better than another's. It's common. We tend to think someone else has all the answers; the perfect life; the secret sauce.
    People always state the cliches: friendship, commitment, compatibility which are all true. I would add that it's important to have friendships and other relationships rather than becoming isolated.
    Relationships have ups and downs, internal and external stressors.
    However one thing that folks seem to neglect is the concept of playfulness and finding ways to keep the spark going. There was something that attracted you to the person in the first place. It may take some work to keep those fires burning. Humans are sexual beings and nothing other than serious illness suppresses those feelings.
     
  18. 24 track

    24 track Doctor of Teleocity Silver Supporter

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    BDLH, clearly this really gives you angst,

    call it the human condition, but at one time your BIL and SIL were in love , lust or used each other to find full fillment, put on aires to give the impression that all was perfect, when clearly it wasnt. She took the initiative to add some mystique to her life with out looking at the consiquences , she and her lover threw away their marriges for a romp in the hay (so to speak).
    why? only they (the lovers) can answer that, but trying to model your own relationship after someone elses , is , just wierd, it invokes the "GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER " attitude which clearly it is not, and more akin to say , buying a house feeling the rush, then picking up the news paper to look at other properties , and finding your dream house for cheaper, it instills a level of dissatisfaction. which are the beginings of the end for that chapter of their lives , and painfully I might add.

    I cant speak for other people, I swore to be married once and once only, I would rather fix and repair my relation with my wife daily, ( 42 years together , 35 married) and we laugh at/with each other daily , cried together , and been there for each other unconditionally through great fortune, death, children , loss of children or relatives, really bad times, but we beat the odds, now we have to look at getting many more sunrises under our belt and better yet living in our National Geographic type area smiling and enjoying each other and early morning coffee and bad jokes.
    I could never throw that away for a strange fling in the sack.

    dont question what you have or what you percieve what others have , want what you have , not what you dont.

    Ok I'll climb back under my rock!:D
     
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  19. 24 track

    24 track Doctor of Teleocity Silver Supporter

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    I guess I should address the question you posed........HOW DO YOU KEEP A MARRIGE FROM GETTING BORING?

    a long time ago , my wife stated to me that we were becomming mundane and routine so .......
    I had to go to the basement of our house to get some laundry and while i was down there I saw a large paper grocery bag I tore out 2 eye holes and placed the bag on my head , went up stairs to the main floor leaped out through the door into the main hallway and pronounce "TA_DA" to wich my now wife replied "the front door is wide open" , and just at that moment there were 2 book carring believers at the front door in direct line of sight to my antics, what? ........of course I was naked , good thing I had a bag on my head :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

    ( wasnt a pretty sight)

    dont tell anyone , OK?
     
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  20. Mike Eskimo

    Mike Eskimo Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    How to keep a marriage from getting boring ?


    It’s right there in the OP’s first post , but slightly tweaked - I feel foolish for missing it :

    You and your wife go out pretending to run, meet on the trail, and then drag each other into the bushes and ...

    If folks see - so much the better !
     
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