How do you keep a marriage from getting boring?

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by BigDaddyLH, Aug 31, 2019.

  1. Guitarzan

    Guitarzan Poster Extraordinaire

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    Everything but the garden.

    And ironing, making great sandwiches, cleaning the house, and making a lot of money for the household.
     
  2. TeleTex82

    TeleTex82 Friend of Leo's

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    Being open and communicating helps. You gotta be able to trust your partner enough feel comfortable telling them, "Hey, something isn't working, let's try something different," and they have to be able to trust you and feel comfortable in telling you the same.

    No marriage is perfect and all marriages are hard work. Stuff doesn't get easier when you say, "I do" it's quite the opposite.

    This all of course presupposes that the marriage was entered into in earnest and both folks love each other. Sometimes that isn't so and the longer they spend with each other the quicker thatthey realize it ain't meant to be, only nobody has the nerve to call it quits so instead folks find ways to fulfill the things they are lacking in their marriage or relationship.
     
  3. muchxs

    muchxs Doctor of Teleocity

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    Relationships usually have whatcha call "The Honeymoon Period". They initially run on physical attraction. You can be physically attracted to someone you largely disagree with, don't have much in common with and ultimately dislike. The Honeymoon Period is usually over PDQ.

    "Going at it like a pair of dogs" is kinda vulgar even for me.

    I prefer "going at it like rabbits." Cute cuddly innocent harmless wittle bunny wabbits.

    :lol: :lol: :lol:

    Seriously, that level of intensity rarely lasts. If we crave that level of intensity it's often found in a new relationship. And another. And another.

    It's like any other addiction. We're chasing a carrot on a stick.

    Treating it is like treating any other addiction. We need to admit to ourselves, (pardon me) God and at least one other person (in this case two or three other persons) what we did.

    We don't necessarily need to abide by conventional stereotypes of fidelity. There's the old stereotype,

    "Let's just be friends!"

    That makes my stomach do flippy- flops but it really is true...

    If we weren't friends, why did we get together in the first place?

    If we have kids our responsibility is to our kids. We were carrying on like "adults" except the time has come to actually be adults.

    How many lives we gonna disrupt here? I'm counting nine. That's four parents and five kids.



    Time tends to heal all wounds with the possible exception of amputations. There is no reason we can't be shriveled geriatrics sitting in the summer sun down at the lake with a slight smirk or wry smile each. We're either part of the problem or part of the solution.

    The slight smirk or wry smile is because we understand the solution can be more fun than the problem.

    :lol: :lol: :lol:
     
  4. Skub

    Skub Friend of Leo's

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    I don't honestly know if it's possible to stop anything becoming boring,at least sometimes.

    I think perhaps where marriage is concerned it may be the wrong question. To have the expectation of continual excitement as the goal in any partnership,is more than a little unrealistic. Living with someone monogamiously long term will be an ever changing picture,the relationship needs to evolve,adapt and survive. The physical passions of the initial stages will eventually temper and if there is more to the alliance than bumping uglies,then a genuine fondness of each other ought to remain and grow.

    I don't believe there is a 'one size fits all' recipe for a long happy marriage and it would be unhelpful to think just because others seem to succeed with their 'method',that it will work for you and your spouse.

    All marriages go though times of difficulties,but it really does take two to tango,not just to put on a front and stay together,but for both parties to want to do that.
     
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  5. NewKid

    NewKid Tele-Meister

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    Very sad story. I feel bad for those children.
     
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  6. RollingBender

    RollingBender Tele-Afflicted Vendor Member

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    Tax breaks.
     
  7. rangercaster

    rangercaster Poster Extraordinaire

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    Marriage is the #1 cause of divorce ...
    Imo... Lifelong bachelor here ...
     
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  8. The Angle

    The Angle Tele-Holic

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    Yeah, I knew a guy who actually said, "I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of a divorce."
     
  9. G.Rotten

    G.Rotten Tele-Holic

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    My X wife will never admit she cheated, but being as I'm not a complete idiot I think it's unlikely she didn't.

    That being said it takes a special kind of special to be the person who believes it's ok to start another relationship before ending the first one. In time your brother in law will see he's better off without someone who pretends to care while preventing him the opportunity to be with someone who actually cares. Or the choice to be alone and know it.

    As far as not ending up in his position, you can't. By that I mean if a person doesn't care enough about other people than your actions won't change the outcome. However, if you and your wife are decent people, you simply will never be in that situation. That's doesn't mean you can't try to have fun & or shake things up, just know you're doing it to have fun & enjoy life. Not because you're worried about your future.

    When you have kids, to some degree your life will become (temporarily) boring, & routine. Young kids don't do well without some kind of structure. As they age your life becomes less boring & you develope new interests. Everyone says it, but this is 100% true so don't ignore it because it's a chiche. You need date nights with no F'ing kids. On the regular.
     
    Last edited: Aug 31, 2019
  10. viking

    viking Friend of Leo's

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    MuchXS !
    Did you ever write that book , we talked about years back ?.....LOL....
     
  11. raysachs

    raysachs Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

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    I think you just have to understand there are gonna be times when it WILL be boring, and times when it's way better than boring, and times when you WISH it was boring. But, bottom line if you care about each other and you'd do anything to avoid hurting the other, and you're basically friends on some important level, it's fine if it's boring at times. I guess to me a good test going into it is how comfortable you can be together doing nothing - my wife and I were really good at that really early. We could spend a day together, talk some here and there, but basically be lost in our own interests, and it was never uncomfortable.

    Man, there were a couple of brief periods when our kids were little and we had some pretty serious disagreements about some pretty heavy kid-related issues, that I felt we were really at cross-purposes and not getting much good from each other, and I thought about hooking up with another woman. But I never could have done it, knowing how much it would hurt my wife if she found out, knowing how much it would hurt me to not be able to look her in the eye and be honest with her, how much I know it would hurt me if she cheated. And the bad periods were pretty brief and followed by a real strength, realizing that if we could get through that in good shape, we could probably get through anything. The thought of blowing all this up by doing something initially fun but overwhelmingly stupid is just too much to even bear the thought of.

    I know guys who've cheated on their wives all their adult lives and seem to feel no guilt or remorse and look forward to doing it more. And I just don't get it. I get the desire in the moment, I completely get THAT. But you make the most important promise you'll ever make in your life to one person who you love and you've chosen to spend your life with and you're gonna break THAT promise? At that point, what could you possibly be trusted with? I mean if the marriage is bad enough, there are far less destructive ways to end it and THEN go sleep around if you forgot to do that when you were younger...
     
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  12. SixStringSlinger

    SixStringSlinger Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

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    I think it's worth examining what "boring" means here. It's not just a set of objective facts (things are such-and-such way) but also subjective assessments of those facts (things are such-and-such way and I feel this-and-that- way about it).

    For many, the things this lady complained about in her marriage ("routine", "conservative") and other related concepts (stability, reliability, the ability to take something for granted, though not in the negative sense where you don't show appreciation for it) are the whole reason they get married in the first place. They want those things.

    I have a coworker who's married, and a recurring theme whenever we talk about relationships and the like is that excitement is way, way overrated in relationships. Just like "conservative" and "boring" can be related to stability and reliability, depending on what you bring to the situation subjectively, "excitement" can be related to anxiety and distrust.

    Now, that doesn't mean you shouldn't make room in your marriage for exciting new things, or as has been mentioned, intentional efforts to maintain your relationship as husband and wife, specifically (too often, without noticing, married couples relate to each other exclusively as parents of the same child(ren), and never as lovers). But if you want excitement to be the basis of your relationship, then perhaps the kind of relationship you're interested in isn't one that mixes well with marriage. Which is fine, it genuinely and sincerely is not for everyone. The trick is figuring out which camp you're in.
     
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  13. Guitarteach

    Guitarteach Poster Extraordinaire

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    Costumes?

    Seriously. she is shallow, self centred and a coward. Even the best communicator and rock of a partner is nothing to someone who sees another person as entertainment rather than a partner.

    Hopefully he will find a person of character to be with.
     
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  14. urbandefault

    urbandefault Tele-Meister

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    My wife and I met over 35 years ago through a random set of circumstances. We became friends, dated off and on, stayed friends, and almost 18 years later we got married. Been together since, and though sometimes we might not be doing much, it's never boring.

    We have a ton in common, laugh at the same things, etc. Sometimes I wonder why I didn't marry her sooner, but I just think everything comes in its own time. :)
     
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  15. Bristlehound

    Bristlehound Friend of Leo's

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    The one thing you can't promise is to love someone for ever. Love doesn't work like that.
     
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  16. Middleman

    Middleman Friend of Leo's

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    Marriage's fundamental goal should be boredom. Kids, jobs, social media, unexpected emergencies are the disrupters. Boredom is a state I aspire to and its very elusive. Actually i get more bored with the disruptions that are non stop and always distracting.
     
  17. Marquee Moon

    Marquee Moon Tele-Meister

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    why do you say that? That is pretty sad if that is true.
     
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  18. Bristlehound

    Bristlehound Friend of Leo's

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    . It's happened to me twice! Ho-hum.
     
  19. bftfender

    bftfender Friend of Leo's

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    marry a singer & make music...works for me
     
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  20. Marquee Moon

    Marquee Moon Tele-Meister

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    I'm sorry to hear that, but it isnt inevitable. The disposable nature of relationships is a cultural thing.
     
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