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How do you handle rudeness?

Discussion in 'Music to Your Ears' started by nonvintage, Jun 28, 2011.

  1. nonvintage

    nonvintage Tele-Holic

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    A drummer friend has jam sessions nearly every weekend at his house. Usually 4 to 5 guitarists are there, myself included. It seems like the better players will play a couple and sit out while the not so good never do and furthermore noodle endlessly while everyone takes a break. Think Guitar Center. How to diplomatically get through to those less musically sufficient is a real conundrum. Should I just say, "Hey Fellas take a break"! It seems many at this so called get together just do this :)roll:). I'd appreciate some thoughtful responses. Seriously!
     
  2. tjalla

    tjalla Friend of Leo's

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    Jam sessions in pubs around the world await a solution to this...
     
  3. DOGMA Dunn

    DOGMA Dunn Friend of Leo's

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    When they take a break, use the icepick in the ear function on your amp. That will get their attention.
     
  4. RedDirt

    RedDirt Tele-Meister

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    The host needs to act as moderator.

    Some people don't know how it is supposed to go, and unless somebody tells them, they will stay clueless forever.



    .
     
  5. TeleTim911

    TeleTim911 Friend of Leo's

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    RedDirt is right. Since it's the drummer's house, I'd talk to him about it. He can lay out some rules, no big deal.

    Best thing to do is when you take a break and a couple guys are still going just politely ask them to stop for a few minutes. Maybe they just don't understand. Something like, "Hey guys, if you don't mind, could we have some quiet time for a few minutes so we can talk, get a drink, rest our ears? Thanks."
     
  6. greggorypeccary

    greggorypeccary Friend of Leo's

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    That's why I quit going to open jams. I'd rather just get my 15 minutes at an organized jam at a bar than sit through an hour or two of clueless noodling. Those guys often (in my experience) don't even want to take the time to hear how a song goes, or sit out if it's beyond them, they just try to figure it out while everyone else is playing.

    When I was learning as a teenager, we were all beginners so it was OK, but at this point in my life I really don't have the time to hang with a 40 year old who picked up the guitar last year.
     
  7. jbdrumbo

    jbdrumbo Tele-Holic

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    +1

    The host should curb the noodling, not you. Ask him if he will. If so, good for you; if not, your call whether to continue attending the jam or not.
     
  8. Donelson

    Donelson Tele-Afflicted

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    Old joke--"How do you get a guitarist to turn it down? Put a chart in front of him."

    Bring a music stand & some charts, leadsheets, etc. of music that you like. The good players will take interest, and the bad ones will fade away.
     
  9. nosuch

    nosuch Friend of Leo's

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    I was rude at some jams complementing guys from stage in two occasions:
    A Strat player with a broken string (with the tremolo this causes all strings to be out of tune) who insisted on still beeing the loudest.
    A bass player who couldn't even play a 12 bar blues but kept on trying.

    Occasionally I tell harp-players or saxophon guys to take break for at leats some bars.

    Am I rude or is the rudeness brought in by people who just dominate and don't know when to take a break?
     
  10. zoppotrump

    zoppotrump Tele-Afflicted

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    I ´d rather be honest and tell them frankly to have a break right now, maybe in a nice manner.
    IMO it makes no sense to be too polite and forgiving, for exactly this will keep other people away from those jams.
    Over here we always have one person who is in charge, and he´s the last authority to be called. Everybody has to accept his directives and decisisons. It is never the same person, but usually it´s someone elder and one of the better players.
    Anybody who´s not following the rules will get unplugged.....
    And...it really works
     
  11. roscoestring

    roscoestring Tele-Holic

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    If noone wants to just flat out tell them then maybe a poster of rules on the wall.
     
  12. telequacktastic

    telequacktastic Tele-Afflicted

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    set up ground rules: "Ok guys, so that everyone gets there share of the spotlight, let's all limit our turn to 2 songs each."
     
  13. Flat357

    Flat357 Banned

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    If you're having a break, what difference does it matter if they continue to play?

    It's just enthusiasm on their part.

    Why don't you show them a few ideas each week, and your problem will lessen as they improve.

    It strikes me that if there are 4 or 5 guitarists, and the lesser guitarists (plural) play, then 2 are playing, while 2 or 3 are not. It's hardly a majority that can dictate.

    You can always arrange a separate jam with the musicians that you prefer to play with at the end of the day.

    Being the better player may not always be the case for you as your musical circles expand. Would you want to be told to 'take a break?'

    It's just a social jam. Don't take it so seriously. Let it flow how it flows.
     
  14. tjalla

    tjalla Friend of Leo's

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    Maybe comment on how you liked what the other players were doing at the time for example, "Hey nice comping, when Bobby over here was soloing..." or "cool shuffle pattern on the snare - is that a Sam Lay sorta thing?"

    Anything that suggest that something else other than a face-melting solo was in fact happening at the time, and promote a heads-up attitude amongst everyone.
     
  15. brill_building

    brill_building Tele-Meister

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    Apply a $5 fine everytime someone plays unaccompanied.
     
  16. boris bubbanov

    boris bubbanov Tele Axpert Ad Free Member

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    I used to bring a football or similar. I'd get up and grab the ball and go outside; the host ( drummer ) would take a hint and follow.

    This leaves those who have fallen behind a chance to maybe work on some things; sometimes someone will lag behind and give them a quick lesson.

    But sometimes there is nowhere to go, to get away. I know I can't just go and go UNLESS this is a genuine band rehearsal or writing session. The sound has to stop occasionally or it isn't worth the struggle.
     
  17. domakkah

    domakkah Tele-Meister

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    is it possible that they may not *Know* the "rules of a jam" that you and others consider common knowledge? (I mean, its possible, right?) Communication is good - someone should just speak up and say, "Okay, for everybody's benefit, here are the ground rules..."

    If, after that, people are still playin' over other people - again, someone needs to speak up and say something.
     
  18. nonvintage

    nonvintage Tele-Holic

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    I did speak to the drummer and he acknowledged that he needed to take a little more control.
     
  19. Paul in Colorado

    Paul in Colorado Telefied Ad Free Member

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    I played what was called a tag team jam. You got up there, but when someone wanted to replace you, they'd come up, tag you and after that song was over, you'd be done until you tagged someone else. It worked out surprisingly well. But it was mostly singer songwriters, so maybe they have better manners.
     
  20. Maxwell Street

    Maxwell Street Friend of Leo's

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    Ditto. Rule 1. There are no rules. Don't kill their enthusiasm with condescension... Edit one creative impulse and you edit them all...
     
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