How do you bail on a band?

Discussion in 'Band Wagon' started by swampyankee, Mar 27, 2018.

  1. Digital Larry

    Digital Larry Tele-Afflicted

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    oh I forgot about this, but just got the notification, I have to have my head amputated tomorrow, nobody regrets this more than I do...
     
  2. magicfingers99

    magicfingers99 Friend of Leo's

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    start playing out of tune, out of tempo and the wrong songs at the wrong time, then ask for more money or you'll quit....
     
  3. Les H

    Les H Tele-Meister

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    One time I started playing for band and when we had our first gig unbeknownst to me they had a manager and while we were setting up he starts telling us he has gigs lined up for us every weekend for the next 2 months and I'm sure I had the deer in the headlights look big time! I'm married with 5 kids, 3 still very young with a job that requires me to be on call. I told him "I don't know who you are but these expectations were never discussed among the band and I can only play every 4-6 weeks max with a fair amount of notice beforehand. He got ticked and threw his hands up and said "I'll cancel them". I said "let me think about it". I thought about it during the gig which didn't go well and once we loaded out gear at the end I said "this isn't going to work for me, I'll only be holding you guys back" and I never looked back.

    I don't think they ever played another gig after that.
     
  4. String Tree

    String Tree Doctor of Teleocity

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    Good Music is all about how YOU FEEL. If you feel like it isn't working, be up-front about it.
    Try to avoid talking Mess about them when you talk to them.
    DO your best not to talk Mess about them when OTHER PEOPLE ask about it!
    Take the High Road: We just didn't click like I had hoped we would. Hope they are doing fine.

    If these guys are as hard to get along with as you say they are, others will understand.
     
  5. Jakedog

    Jakedog Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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  6. WelshBluesMan

    WelshBluesMan Tele-Meister

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    Be honest with them, and say you just aren't able to keep up with the number of gigs. Say you will honour any gigs booked up to a certain date. Talk to them about that... How long they think it will take to bring in and rehearse a replacement.

    Be friendly and polite, don't part on bad terms... Be sure to honour any commitments. It's not cool to just quit and leave them in the lurch.
     
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  7. memorex

    memorex Friend of Leo's

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    Tell them you're going home and you're taking your basement with you.
     
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  8. Wrong-Note Rod

    Wrong-Note Rod Poster Extraordinaire

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    a phone call is generally sufficient. Quitting by email or text seems generally frowned upon, as in, cold and very distant.

    Unless you really dont care and will probably never see any of them again....

    I've quit several bands that didnt work out for me, for one reason or another, and in almost every case, the other members were not surprised and had seen it coming anyway.

    So, in my opinion and experience, make the phone call. It probably wont be horrible.
     
  9. Wrong-Note Rod

    Wrong-Note Rod Poster Extraordinaire

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    ok.

    Been there, done all this (except the divorce)

    There have been bands where I got a bad case of Little Red Hen syndrome - I felt like I was doing a LOT more than the others, and they werent carrying their weight. In one case I was sick of doing the booking while others didnt even try, so, in light of the fact that I was also doing all the recording and mixing of all the demo stuff...

    I told them, OK, I'm not booking, its too much, somebody else can book.

    We never played another gig because nobody got off their ass to do anything. Eventually the singer and drummer hooked up and formed their own band. They were terrible.

    In another group it wasnt that I felt like I was doing too much... I didnt feel appreciated for what I was doing. Thats a difficult situation to be in, you dont know if you're deserving of more accolades or maybe you're being an ego-maniac.

    Eventually I decided it didnt matter, it wasnt fun anymore, the gigs werent great anyway and I just wanted to take a break from the whole thing.

    So.

    Your reasoning is sound, give them proper notice, and be done with it.
     
  10. Solaris moon

    Solaris moon Tele-Meister

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    What he said! Just do it and don't look back.
     
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  11. Flooding Rivers

    Flooding Rivers TDPRI Member

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    I've learned recently that the easiest way to bail on a band is just to take a deep breath and do it. I was recently in a band which took a big change in musical direction not long after I enjoyed and it just killed my enthusiasm for it - after spending about a year seeing it as a major violation of my free time and walking to the rehearsal with all the enthusiasm of a condemned man making his way to the gallows I just bit the bullet and told them. Unless you're in a band with really horrible people they'll probably be fine with it, especially if you're open and reasonable about your reasons for leaving. Think of it as like handing your resignation in at a job you don't like - it's never actually as bad as you think it's going to be!

    Also the current age of group WhatsApp/Facebook Messenger chats makes the whole thing infinitely easier...
     
  12. Chunkocaster

    Chunkocaster Poster Extraordinaire

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    Just stop bathing before every gig or rehearsal.
    Eventually they will politely ask you to leave.
     
  13. Old Tele man

    Old Tele man Friend of Leo's

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    My three-word parting: "Adios, Sayonara, Good-bye."
     
  14. Robert H.

    Robert H. Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

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    Listen to Paul Simon's "Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover."
     
  15. Doghouse_Riley

    Doghouse_Riley Tele-Afflicted

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    I quit my band of 4 years recently. I joined a blues rock band but the leader has been taking it in a more classic/hard rock direction. I was the singer and my voice isn't suited to what they wanted to do. I tried to point it out several times over the last year but wasn't being heard.

    I called the leader on the phone. I did my best to keep it simple and say I don't like the direction the band has been going. He freaked out and gave me a ration of **** and threw me under the bus. I bit my tongue and kept my cool. I realized if I had any second thoughts they were gone by the time I got off the phone.
     
  16. Minivan Megafun

    Minivan Megafun Tele-Holic Silver Supporter

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    Man a lot of different opinions on quitting!

    The worst experience I've had with a band member quitting is when my lead singer KNEW for months that he planned to quit didn't say a word to any of us. We planned and shot a professional promo video and it cost us a lot of time and money. The singer then decided to tell us he was done a week after we got the videos all edited and complete. Basically we wasted all that time and money and we could have cancelled it if he has just told us his plans ahead of time.

    The BEST experience (and most professional) I've had is when our former bassist left. He was planning to retire the following year and he was winding down all his musical committments. So he gave us about three months notice by saying he would continue to do any gigs we needed him for but in the meantime he was no longer going to rehearse with the band and that it would be best for us to use that time to audition and train a new bassist. So it didn't stop us from gigging in the meantime and we were able to work in a new guy. We remained friends with that bassist for years afterwards and he even subbed for us on a gig or two when our new guy couldn't make it.
     
  17. sax4blues

    sax4blues Friend of Leo's

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    I've never quit a band but what I've experienced form others is they walk into rehearsal on time, say I'm doing other things now, and walk out. I was fine with that.
     
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