Have you Ever Had a Good Friend Stop Talking to You?

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by Larmo63, Mar 11, 2019.

  1. jrblue

    jrblue Tele-Afflicted

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    People in bad health -- physical, mental -- often withdraw for many reasons, not all of them bad, and quite likely having nothing to do with others (in this case, you). I think it is always good to extend your reach, even if there is no return. I've known people who have appreciated such gestures mightily, even though they were incapable of responding. All you can control is your own care.
     
  2. bondoman

    bondoman Tele-Meister

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    Don't know I'd worry about it much. Back in my youth I had that old traveling bone. Pack my bags and move on at a moments notice while leaving everyone I knew in the past. Aint you its me so to say. For all you know you could be sending texts and messages to disconnected lines. I've got email addresses I don't remember and past phone numbers that are long gone. Or perhaps your were a bit too clingy and made him uncomfortable. I've had some pals like that. Not that I avoided them or anything I just changed my Email and phone number
     
  3. drf64

    drf64 Poster Extraordinaire Silver Supporter

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  4. Milspec

    Milspec Friend of Leo's

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    Sometimes a dream is just a dream....don't over-analyze this situation. Sometimes a person just needs to be left alone for awhile. I have gone through phases like that where I was working 70 hours per week and really didn't have time to listen to my friends tell me about their new tool box or the movie they just saw. I just wanted to be left alone.

    You mentioned that you tried to contact this friend via text, email, phone, but I didn't see where you actually went to see this person. Unless there is a substantial distance involved, I think that would be the logical next step if you are concerned.
     
  5. geobookman

    geobookman TDPRI Member

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    People ghost from time to time. Probably more about him than you. He may have an issue and is scared of conflict or may be too entangled in his own life, which many people are. It’s not a good friend trait.
     
  6. Dean James

    Dean James Tele-Meister

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    Sadly, yes, they do.

    I had a friend who I now see as a classic narcissist. I wouldn't do a sort of slimy favor for him. Should've just said No, but instead I let it ride. He ditched me with an insult before scurrying out the door. If not that, it would've been something else. It was only a matter of time. Funny, I was there twenty–some years earlier when he did the exact same thing to his former roommate. It was as if he had a script filed away for use at just such moments. Two other friends, still in his clique, went with him. A fourth from that group had walked off long before with my very first girlfriend.

    Another permanently ghosted me after, filled with misapplied good intentions, I clumsily overstepped a boundary. Another never responded to concert–attending suggestions after I moved back here. Another grew into an unpleasant snob, whose condescension I deliberately avoid.

    All great friends from way back in high school & earlier, fellow teenage / twenty–something adventurers, former roommates. I had looked forward to growing old with them as at least occasional companions. I can see how I alienated some of them. Still, they'd have had to do more than that to alienate me so easily. Maybe I'm more needy. I don't mind saying their absence hurts. There'd be something wrong with me if it didn't.

    I do still have other friends from that period, as well as several others from later, when we all worked together. I don't think I've made any other lasting friends since my early thirties.

    Friends is a difficult, delicate row to hoe, even without the simple growing apart over time & distance. Much more so than romances, maybe because so much of friendship goes unspoken, & there's less of a power struggle aspect to it.
     
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  7. Bassman8

    Bassman8 Tele-Meister Gold Supporter

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    Dollars to donuts his spouse is doing a number on him. She's insecure hence possessive and he'd rather keep the peace with her and bury any guilt he has about you. He has health issues; and she may well be doing a great job of helping and comforting him which could make it easier for him to ignore you. You did nothing wrong, in fact you did everything right and she likely sees that as a threat. I have seen this so many times, not just with good friends of mine but with relatives, supposedly great friends my wife had plus when I was young I was married to a very insecure (jealous) gal for a brief but eye-opening time. Bottom line is don't think you did anything wrong. It's still hurts but you did everything you could do, it's out of your hands.
     
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  8. Jupiter

    Jupiter Telefied Silver Supporter

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    MAWKISH... I have never used that word, but now I'm gonna!

    From Merriam-Webster:
    The mawk of mawkish derives from Middle English mawke, which means "maggot." Mawke, in its turn, developed from the Old Norse word mathkr, which had the same meaning as its descendant.
     
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  9. DuckDodgers

    DuckDodgers Tele-Meister Silver Supporter

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    I’ve seen several instances where a new wife pushes her hubby to cut off all relations with his old social circle. Perhaps they don’t want to be compared with the previous wife. I’ve never seen guys do that, perhaps as we’re a lot less perceptive and sensitive ;-)

    As for dumping old friends, I’ve had to cut a few loose. People change. Sometimes you mature, and wonder why you’re wasting time with someone who just takes advantage of everyone around them.
     
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  10. Teleguy61

    Teleguy61 Friend of Leo's

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    If the new wife felt threatened by her new husband's old friends, this is not an uncommon result.
    Hang in--he may come back.
     
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  11. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Probably nothing on your part. There's just a type of guy who makes friends, even long term ones, then just drifts away. I have a guy who has come into and gone out of my life several times. Actually a couple of them. When we are around each other, it's like we never missed a beat, then one day they move away, and I don't hear anything out of them for ten years. Because I roamed around a lot when I was young, I'm really not much interested moving. I have, but not often, and usually not far. One of the fellows I referred to, said he went back and recharged all of his old phones to find my number, gave me a call, promised to stay in touch, that was the last time I've heard from him. Life's too short to worry about what's going through someone else's head, hard enough to keep your own on straight.
     
  12. Lord_Ingipz

    Lord_Ingipz Tele-Meister

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    Happens to me frequently, even with trying to talk to old classmates. Not sure what I done if anything but even childhood friends done the same. All in all I'm fine being by myself. It's not so bad.
     
  13. 65 Champ Amp

    65 Champ Amp Tele-Afflicted

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    LOL. :rolleyes:


    And some of the stories have been recycled into this thread.:lol:
     
  14. stephent2

    stephent2 Poster Extraordinaire

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    "It's not you, it's him."

    just 'cos you know someone a long time, shared experiences, hang out, etc. etc... that doesn't mean they are your friend in the larger sense of the word.

    You do stuff with him in mind,.. does he reciprocate? That's kinda a tell if the answer is no.

    Friendships do require some work. I've organized a musicians lunch for years, Salsa Support Group. Meet at a Mexican restaurant, eat, BS,.. the joke is that we talk about drummers. We don't generally.

    But it sucks loosing friends,.. two long time close buddies died last year. Hurts not having them on the planet.



     
    Last edited: Mar 12, 2019
  15. Mike Eskimo

    Mike Eskimo Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    Late summer 2017 I was in the process of re-doing my kitchen and under pressure to get it done and one of my closest friends from high school and ever since was moving into a new house and needed a bathroom done.

    I had told him no - many times. Not taking any jobs until my house was done . Him and his wife (who was having heart issues) worked me over until I relented . I begrudgingly took the better part of a month and got it done. I was not happy about it and made it plain that I was pissed they wouldn’t take no for an answer.

    I wanted a break from him and it has lasted a year and a half. He kinda reached out early on and I never responded .

    Maybe my life is no worse for his absence and his for mine ?
     
  16. DesmoDog

    DesmoDog Tele-Afflicted

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    I've lost a couple friends to wives who do not approve of his old friends (it's been a group that gets ditched, not just me) I've lost friends to having new families (can't blame them and it's a different thing than the wife situation). I've lost friends to changes in personalites that I just don't put up with. I DETEST drama. Some people like it. I don't hang out with those kind of people.

    In all of it I don't think I've ever had anyone just bail with no idea why. Though now that I say that, it did happen to my wife. A long time friend went on vacation with her and some other long time friends. Everyone seemed to have a great time. They came back, and one of them dropped off the face of the Earth. Doesn't talk to any of the others anymore and no one knows why.

    Who knows with people. If I'm ok with how I've acted and no one is telling me differently than I don't worry much about it being "my fault". I guess I also never really admit it's a permanent thing, though in a couple cases it most certainly is. Lost a very close female friend to cancer at 19. That pretty much sucked... the rest of them? Yeah, they could come back, you never know what tomorrow will bring.

    And now that I've typed all this I wonder if anyone thinks of me as the guy who just walked away. I doubt it, but who knows. There are one or two people I stopped calling because it got too one sided,,, might not be how they see things.
     
  17. 65 Champ Amp

    65 Champ Amp Tele-Afflicted

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    Find one good friend, a really good one. Marry her. Let all the others drift away. Try to get together with mutual friends for special occasions. All of your hangin out, buddy stuff - that's what the one you married is for.

    It's the way life works. We grow up.
     
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  18. d barham

    d barham Tele-Meister

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    I would try to answer the OP's question but unfortunately, we're not speaking.
     
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  19. Chunkocaster

    Chunkocaster Poster Extraordinaire

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    Some times people need time out from everything. Major depression, maybe a breakdown. Life can burn you out sometimes to the point that even the most basic interactions are exhausting and in your mind, not worth the effort. It's also embarrassing to have friends visit when you're normally tidy house is a mess and you are up to your armpits in old pizza boxes and trash.

    I wouldn't take it personally. Give him a call now and then. He might come around at some point. If not then at least you tried.
     
    Last edited: Mar 12, 2019
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  20. Tele22

    Tele22 Tele-Meister

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    People come and go in and out of our lives - sometimes temporarily, sometimes permanently. That’s why it’s important to always be open to developing friendships with new people at every stage of life.
     
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