Good heckler comebacks

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by Digital Larry, May 16, 2019.

  1. Digital Larry

    Digital Larry Tele-Afflicted

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    I was reading the thread about fashion conformity and it reminded me of a bit at the end of one of the tracks on The Mothers of Invention's "Burnt Weeny Sandwich". Goes something like:

    Crazed audience member screaming:
    Take off your $@*&ing uniform before it's too late man!

    Frank Zappa:
    Everyone in this room is wearing a uniform and don't kid yourself.

    (mild applause)

    CAMS:
    arrghhhh!!! (etc.)

    FZ (concerned):
    Stop it, you'll hurt your throat!
     
    Last edited: May 16, 2019
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  2. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    I don't really get heckled.

    I do tend to heckle the audience, though
     
  3. brookdalebill

    brookdalebill Tele Axpert Ad Free Member

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    I’ve never been heckled.
    Disrespected, yes.
    I suspect I won’t get heckled, for several (good) reasons.
    We’ll see.
     
    Last edited: May 16, 2019
  4. nojazzhere

    nojazzhere Poster Extraordinaire

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    I think the only times I've been "heckled" is when someone yells out, "FREEBIRD!!!!!!" ....I don't reply....I don't know it....and I don'y play it. ;)
     
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  5. Milspec

    Milspec Friend of Leo's

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    One of the more unique responses I have ever heard to a heckler was the following:

    "Why do you insist on proving to others what a lousy lover your Father must have been?"
     
  6. Durtdog

    Durtdog Poster Extraordinaire

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    I always liked Doc Watson's line, "Hey buddy, I remember my first beer too."
     
  7. Endless Mike

    Endless Mike Friend of Leo's

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    I recall that quote from FZ. I've always thought it was an excellent point, but most won't really get what he's saying. It still stands today, whether it's clothes, facial hair or whatever.
     
  8. memorex

    memorex Friend of Leo's

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    One time I had a guy ask for a request, and I told him to write it on the back of a ten spot and put it in the tip jar, and we'd get right on it. He came back with some crude remark about how mercenary we were, and I told him: We ain't doing this for our health.
     
  9. Fiesta Red

    Fiesta Red Friend of Leo's

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    “When you got here, you paid money and they gave you a place to sit.

    When I got here, they paid me, gave me control of the stage, and a microphone...

    Let those two statements sink in for a while and we’ll talk later.”
     
  10. Digital Larry

    Digital Larry Tele-Afflicted

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    I don't know it either, but I think it would be worth learning the 8 or 16 bars of the most exciting part of the guitar solo (those 3 or 4 notes over and over), and just play that.
     
    Last edited: May 16, 2019
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  11. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    If someone makes a request, I generally either cheerfully reply "Sure!" and go into one of my originals, or I tell them "I've got a deal with (requested artist), they don't perform my songs and I don't perform theirs"
     
  12. soul-o

    soul-o Friend of Leo's

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    I have always thought it would be a good heckle to start a "one more song" chant after a band plays their opening number.
     
  13. WireLine

    WireLine Tele-Afflicted

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    Heckler: You SUCK!
    Me: So does you mom but I don’t announce it
     
  14. guitartwonk

    guitartwonk Tele-Meister

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    Billy Bragg at Phoenix Festival 1996.

    Billy had on checked shirt and striped shorts.

    Audience member: Checks and stripes don't go!

    Billy: your head and your body don't go together mate!


    Sent from my Phone using Tapatalk
     
  15. beach bob

    beach bob Friend of Leo's

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    My running buddy (1980s) used to have a favorite heckle. He'd say:

    Play something you don't know!

    ...which was actually a half-serious request. Really good bands can toss off a familiar tune they don't actually know... the bass player knows 2/3rds of the lyrics, the guitar player remembers how the bridge goes. We had our favorite bands we'd go see, and it was always fun to hear them do a one-off.

    In those days we were blessed by the talents of a solo acoustic guitar guy who was known as the human jukebox around Lake Erie... he must have had 600 tunes at the ready. He'd regularly play Stump the Band (him) with the audience. Name an artist, he could play one of their songs. Never saw him lose that one. Once, we thought we had him... I hollered out ZAPPA! and without missing a beat, he launched into Dinah-Moe-Humm.
    o_O:p

    For that, on subsequent gigs, we got to join him in the kazoo part on Sweet Caroline.
    :cool:

    What was the subject? Oh yeah ... I never have a pithy heckler comeback. Can't help the OP.
     
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  16. StrangerNY

    StrangerNY Friend of Leo's Gold Supporter

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    I always liked

    'Hey, I don't go to the 7-11 and criticize how you're doing your job.'

    - D
     
  17. teletimetx

    teletimetx Doctor of Teleocity

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    Haven't really had the problem. Seems more common with comedians, and here's a couple I stole from them. Hope I never have to use them:

    Did your mother never tell you to drink on an empty head?

    Look, it's very generous to donate your brain to science, but shouldn't you have waited until you're dead?
     
  18. MilwMark

    MilwMark Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    Is heckling a thing at shows? Weird.
     
  19. RoyBGood

    RoyBGood Doctor of Teleocity

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    Todd Rundgren, building up to his next song:
    ''One of these days, you might wake up...''

    Heckler, with perfect timing - before Todd can finish the sentence:
    ''You might not wake up''.
     
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  20. SolidSteak

    SolidSteak Friend of Leo's

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    I would guess heckling happens more often at comedy shows than music shows.

    “Hey buddy, you ought to save your breath. You’ll need it later to blow up your inflatable date.”
    [​IMG]
     
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