Getting rid of unwanted acquaintances

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by jondanger, May 10, 2021.

  1. jondanger

    jondanger Poster Extraordinaire Silver Supporter

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    Okay folks, I’m going to describe a situation and you tell me how you would handle it.

    My mother in law lives less than a mile from me. She helps a lot with the kids. She’s the kind of person who talks to everyone, and doesn’t always do a great job discerning who should be left alone. A few weeks ago she was at the laundromat and she talked to an older man who started making her uncomfortable with his attention, and he eventually ended up “proposing” to her (although I think she meant “propositioning” her), and her solution was to let him carry her laundry to her car and then she told him that he seemed like a nice man and he would meet someone some day. So now he knows what her car looks like and that she has out of state plates. Cool move, right?

    So now, on to the situation that is the subject of this post.

    About 6 weeks ago, my MIL was at the school playground with the kids, and there was a dad there with his kid, who is about their age (9-11 years old). So she struck up a conversation with him and exchanged numbers so that they could meet at the playground some other day.

    Let me describe this guy. He walks his son to the playground every day because he thinks he is fat and wants him to lose weight. He has an 18 year old daughter that he didn’t raise because he was in jail for some sort of robbery that he says he claims he didn’t do, because he “wouldn’t snitch.” He always brings at least one 24 oz beer to the school playground, and sometimes 2. He is always carrying a fixed blade knife, and he treats it like a toy, not a tool. That is to say, he’s constantly fidgeting with it and not doing whatever the hell a 5 inch fixed blade knife is for. He spends a lot of time climbing trees and walls and playground equipment. Oh, did I mention he’s 43? One time he brought a bernzomatic torch and melted a bunch of coins for the kids. He has wrecked his car twice in the past month, and one of those times he was open about fleeing the scene before the cops showed up. His girlfriend got him a job as a bar back where she tends bar, and he got suspended from work within a couple weeks for accusing a patron of stealing his girlfriends phone and then menacing them with a pool cue. Later they saw on the surveillance cameras that he was actually the one who moved her phone somewhere and then I guess he forgot.

    I could have looked at this guy for half a second and known that I was never making intentional plans to spend time with him. There is NO WAY that my kids would be under his supervision for any reason. My MIL gave him her phone number and told him where we live. Now he has my wife’s number. When she doesn’t return his texts, he comes to the house and knocks on the door. He seems like an okay father who had some serious drug issues, but now has scaled it back to just being half drunk most of the time. He doesn’t give any of us a sexual creep vibe, and he hasn’t made any sort of advances towards my wife.

    His company is SO TIRESOME. He talks about nothing all the time. He is basically an emotional and cognitive 12 year old who is also drunk. Apparently today he got a $15,000 inheritance from a relative that he barely knew. So now he’s offering to take the kids to Chuck E Cheese, his treat! No effing way this is happening.

    My wife is exhausted by this situation. He tried to give her a guilt trip yesterday, on Mother’s Day, for not bringing the kids to the playground. It’s all too much. My MIL used to take the kids to the playground most days. But since she realized how overwhelming this guy is to be around, she has stopped doing that and it is mostly falling on my wife.

    So here are some options:

    1) Tell this guy that my kids don’t spend time with folks that are drinking in the middle of the afternoon, and that if he wants his kid to spend time with my kids, he can come sober

    2) Call the school and tell them there’s a guy who keeps coming to the school with a knife and drinking on school property

    3) Call the police and tell them there’s a guy drinking on the school playground

    4) Just hope that it will fizzle out when it gets too hot to walk 2 miles / when school starts back up / whatever other imaginary milestone. His son doesn’t go to this school, he just likes this playground better.

    Spending 2 hours 5-6 days a week with *anyone* can be a chore, but this guy is really too much. My wife is very tolerant and polite, but I can see she’s over it. She’s pretty frustrated with my MIL for bringing this guy into our lives.

    I don’t want him to get in trouble, I don’t want him to get arrested, I just want him to leave us alone.

    I think it’s possible that if I chose option 1, he wouldn’t come anymore. But my wife thinks it’s possible that he’d come and be a grumpy jerk. She’s probably right.

    What would y’all do?
     
    Last edited: May 10, 2021
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  2. Deeve

    Deeve Poster Extraordinaire Silver Supporter

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    My
    Choice 1 - let this burn out, as he may find someone more receptive;
    Choice 2 - invite the school to keep an eye on this fellow and let them be the heavy;
    Choice 3 - if he's seriously printed on your family and can't let go, then asking for disengagement assistance via the cars w/ blue lights may be in order.
    If law enforcement just happens to show up when he's at the park, he may find a new place to play w/ that fixed blade knife.

    YMMV
    Peace - Deeve

    The first choice OP mentioned has extra words in it.
    Those extra words may bring a conflict, as the fellow may feel a need to respond
     
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  3. VonBonfire

    VonBonfire Tele-Meister

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    Tell him you don't wanna hang out and drink the whole time and that you'd be glad to hang out but not if it's always about drinking. Emphasize "kids". If he can't handle it, handle him. The drinking rules might get rid of him. You gotta family you gotta be a man, learn how to be a calculated jerk when it comes to protecting your nest if you feel someone is taking things to far. It doesn't make you a bad person to have a killer instinct when it comes to your family.

    FYI dude would probably kill FOR you. You sound like you are describing a good friend of my family to a T who is very hard with to deal but very protective of who he respects How many friends you know that would throw down like that? He might immediately respect your word so just be straightforward about it. He sounds very forward about what he does he will probably value that.
     
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  4. 1955

    1955 Doctor of Teleocity

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    I’d just talk to him man to man, be kind, direct, and honest while also trying to be as tactful as possible.
     
  5. ReverendRevolver

    ReverendRevolver Friend of Leo's

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    Do your kids enjoy playing with his son?

    If so, a version of option one where he understands the drinking is a deal breaker in the situation, but you would like to continue if hes not.

    In his mind, you are probably a dear friend of the family by now, by the way. The manchild types are often like that.

    I wish you luck.
     
  6. SacDAve

    SacDAve Poster Extraordinaire

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    Sounds like the kind of guy that could turn violent in a second, Myself I would care less about getting him in trouble I would just want him gone. This situations sounds like the beginning of a sixty minutes episode. (I'll bet he's on probation)
     
    Last edited: May 10, 2021
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  7. Harbinger77

    Harbinger77 Tele-Meister

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    Problem is with the mother in law.
     
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  8. Tonetele

    Tonetele Poster Extraordinaire

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    Sounds like a person you need to be wary of. Can you encourage your MIL to go to the park with a friend , preferably male so he gets the thought that he's not the only bloke in her life. Very difficult situation given his past and current behaviours.
     
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  9. kbold

    kbold Friend of Leo's

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    Be up front with him.
    Tell him you don't like the 5" blade he's always carrying. Tell him you don't approve of drinking at the school playground.
    Tell him it's not OK to just show up at your place under any circumstances.

    Sounds like trouble to me. Avoid.
     
    Last edited: May 10, 2021
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  10. Drew617

    Drew617 Tele-Meister Silver Supporter

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    Guy may well just be kind hearted, but without a strong toolset. Reading all that, I am immediately sympathetic, but the booze and knife would be immediate dealbreakers for me where my kids are involved.

    Normally I’d favor a passive disconnect but I get the feeling this guy may not receive normal social cues. May take, and he may deserve, something more direct.

    I’d probably state my case plainly, as kindly as possible without sounding patronizing, without the kids present. Then I’d have a stronger conversation with my MIL.

    Irrationally, I feel a touch libertarian about the guy and want to let him be, so I don’t like using the cops here. OP has a more complete picture than I do though, so between that, the booze, the knife, and presumably the school zone... you would not be wrong to involve the cops.
     
  11. nojazzhere

    nojazzhere Doctor of Teleocity

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    What would I do? Write a screenplay treatment for a new Netflix series. This is a goldmine that just dropped from Heaven into your lap.....and those don't come along everyday. As to the actual situation? Run away. Run FAR away.
     
  12. MickM

    MickM Poster Extraordinaire Platinum Supporter

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    Agree that MIL is the problem. That said, maybe approach him with the " I've been where you're at with the beer etc. but had to knock it off around the kids." (something to the effect that you empathize but made the choice to remove the alcohol) As long as there's some bit of truth, it won't be hard unless the MIL could really run her mouth and blow it.
    Hard to advise without more info. MIL only knows what he tells her and he might carry the blade because he can't legally have a gun due to the robbery conviction.
    As said earlier try to be straight with the guy because he won't respect a "liar".
    Good luck Jon
     
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  13. MickM

    MickM Poster Extraordinaire Platinum Supporter

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    Too late. There's a series (may have been network) called Evil that has a similar plot.
     
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  14. clayfeat

    clayfeat Tele-Afflicted

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    Only thing I'd tell him is that it isn't cool to come over and knock on the door. Tell him if his texts aren't answered that means you are busy. Do it one on one without an audience. Most dudes (even the dense ones) will get it and appreciate it.
    All that other stuff is on him and his problem.
     
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  15. Torren61

    Torren61 Poster Extraordinaire Gold Supporter

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    Option 2. It's kinda serious and kids are involved.
     
  16. Torren61

    Torren61 Poster Extraordinaire Gold Supporter

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    Yeah, and be armed.
     
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  17. Harry Styron

    Harry Styron Friend of Leo's Gold Supporter

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    As tiresome as the guy is, his son is as vulnerable as anyone, if not more so. The son is in a situation in which his dad seems to have very little ability to care for himself or his son.

    In many places, it is illegal to possess a knife or other weapon on school property. You should tell him that he is risking arrest. If he persists with the knife, or just strange behavior, you should also let the school principal or safety officer know about the knife, which may be enough to start the wheels in motion to get a little more attention for the son from the school counselor or social worker and maybe some attention from a probation officer or police officer.
     
  18. Torren61

    Torren61 Poster Extraordinaire Gold Supporter

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    It's dangerous to confront people who are armed and clueless about their own behavior. Leave that to the people whose job it is to do that. By informing the school, THEY make the decision to involve the police and it's out of your hands. If you DON'T call the school and something happens, you'll have to live with that.
     
  19. Refugee

    Refugee Tele-Meister

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    Whatever his name and MIL. Dueling pistols at dawn! J/k

    I'd probably put it like, I really don't care to see someone else raise a child with alcohol around so much. You're a really nice guy, but I don't want your behaviors to influence my family, going forward. I'm sure you understand. (Nodding)
     
  20. Refugee

    Refugee Tele-Meister

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    Just start it like, "As a concerned parent, I am seeing some questionable behaviors on the playground..." It is THEIR property to manage.
     
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