Gentlemen and Ladies.....

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by studio1087, May 12, 2020.

  1. Ron R

    Ron R Friend of Leo's

    Mar 23, 2016
    Raleigh, NC
    Ouch, sorry to hear it. For what it's worth, I know you can and will come out the other side. My separation and divorce came right around when I was laid off after 19 years. That was around 10 years ago.
    I'll offer just one piece of advice: always take the high road when it comes to your ex (even if she makes it difficult). Don't fall into the trap of saying negative things about her to or around your kids.
    studio1087 likes this.
  2. Chud

    Chud Poster Extraordinaire

    Dec 30, 2010
    New York City
    Sorry to hear about all you're going through, John. Adversity doesn't build character, it reveals it. You'll find a way, and you and your kids will be better for it eventually. Lots of great immediate advice already given from the sages of TDPRI. Get out, walk, exercise, enjoy some familiar pleasures, enjoy some forgotten pleasures, stay close to friends and family, don't be afraid or too proud to reach out for help, keep putting one foot in front of the other, wash, rinse, repeat.

    Semper Fi,
    studio1087 likes this.
  3. gitold

    gitold Poster Extraordinaire

    Mar 25, 2009
    Greeley Co.
    Always look forward to your threads and posts. Especially the silly ones! Prayers sent.
    studio1087 likes this.
  4. ddewerd

    ddewerd Friend of Leo's Ad Free Member

    Nov 14, 2003
    Willow Springs, Great-State-of-Texas
    That really sucks.

    I've been through a divorce and it was pretty rough. Luckily I have my job (been at for 33 years) and I can't even imagine losing that.

    Hang in there, you have it in you to get through it!

    And it's the little things. As mentioned before, do something - anything - that moves you in the right direction.


    Good luck and positive thoughts your way.

    imwjl, Deeve, studio1087 and 2 others like this.
  5. geoff_in_nc

    geoff_in_nc Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

    Jul 9, 2007
    I'm very sorry to hear about your trials here. None of these things are easy to deal with alone. I'm glad you reached out to us. Many of us have gone thru similar situations, and I'd bet the vast majority of us are willing to listen, and maybe even offer our thoughts if you like. From personal experience, I know these things are rough. It is possible to come out on the other side in a better place, I feel like I have, but it wasn't easy. I truly hope you do as well, and soon so you can avoid some heartburn. All my best to you.
    studio1087 likes this.
  6. wrathfuldeity

    wrathfuldeity Tele-Afflicted

    Apr 25, 2011
    Turdcaster, WA
    Prayers sent. Years ago while certainly very upwardly mobile career wise, was suddenly fired for political administrative bs. For 3-6 months was in shock, panic attacks, fear of loosing the kids...its a miracle that the Mrs and I are still together and the house. It was rough and scary even though my career is in mental health. I pieced together some odd jobs of painting houses, lawn care, and a couple on-call graveyard gigs. About a year and half later, I realized it was the best thing evar to happen career wise...I was no longer supervising a team of professionals doing high risk evaluations, nor was I carrying around and being responsible to handle...oh crap phone calls 24/7. Realizing I had more time and attention to hang with my kids, wife and work on the house...more relaxed, way less stress, loosing weight, happier despite barely making the bills and having food on the table. It was a heck of a transition that I'd not wish on anybody. And now I feel so blessed to have been given the opportunity to let go of a bunch of crap. A friend that has been on both sides of the coin of having it all and then loosing it all recently said "Dumping that which does not serve us is the secret to efficiency of living" which I agree and has been my experience.

    Hang in there...keep the faith, hope and love alive...God provides.
    Blessings brother!
    studio1087 likes this.
  7. Skub

    Skub Poster Extraordinaire

    Jul 28, 2010
    Keep your pecker up man,things will improve.

    Best wishes to ya.
    studio1087 likes this.
  8. jumpnblues

    jumpnblues Friend of Leo's

    Mar 16, 2003
    John, I've not gone through a divorce so I can't speak to that. But, FWIW.....on a Thursday, in the early summer of 1984 my boss called me to his office to tell me the grant we were sure was going to be funded again, wasn't. And this would be my last day on the job. I was crushed. Completely blind sided. I was jobless without a moment's notice. On a positive note, after 3 months I was hired back by the same employer (a local community college) to take over another grant funded job. But I had already decided on a major career change. I did take the new grant funded job for just long enough (9/84 to 12/84) to get the program up and running.

    In January of 1985 I returned to school on a career path toward dentistry. I had to take 2 years of higher level math and science courses (pre-med/pre-dent track) before applying to dental school. I also had to get competitive grades, a competitive score on the Dental Admission Test and pass a structured interview. Long story short, I made it. Was accepted and the rest is history. I completed an optional residency in hospital dentistry and practiced general dentistry for the next 24 years before retiring in December of 2015.

    I made the right decision to change careers. Best decision I ever made. I tell you all this just to give you some hope. As I'm sure you know, opportunities can often be disguised as disasters. It certainly was in my case. Losing that job was the best thing that could have happened to me. It forced me to make a decision that I otherwise would have not made.

    I know you're still just trying to process what has happened to you. But, take your time and study your options. You're a bright guy and you're going to be fine. Good things often come from bad times. God bless and guide you. PM me anytime...I also have a Master's Degree in Counseling.
    Last edited: May 13, 2020
    studio1087 likes this.
  9. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

    May 2, 2003
    I know you've got more than enough to think about right now, but this Kipling piece always seems to encourage me when things get rough, and maybe it will you, also

    If you can keep your head when all about you
    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
    If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
    But make allowance for their doubting too;
    If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
    Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
    Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

    If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
    If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
    If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
    And treat those two impostors just the same;

    If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
    Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
    And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

    If you can make one heap of all your winnings
    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
    And lose, and start again at your beginnings
    And never breathe a word about your loss;
    If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
    To serve your turn long after they are gone,
    And so hold on when there is nothing in you
    Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

    If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
    Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
    If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
    If all men count with you, but none too much;
    If you can fill the unforgiving minute
    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
    Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
    And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

    Again, best wishes with this stuff.
    Know we're all of us pulling for you, and we're all of us here, if you need or just want to talk
    studio1087 and P Thought like this.
  10. studio1087

    studio1087 Telefied Silver Supporter

    May 10, 2003
    Near Milwaukee
    Sales management - equipment integration- food and medical systems and materials are my forte.

    I went though a divorce and lost my job in short time frame

    Sincere thanks for the good advice. I will always try to be kind and respectful.
    sean79, telemnemonics, tery and 2 others like this.
  11. Peegoo

    Peegoo Friend of Leo's

    Oct 11, 2019
    Having been through similar adventures, the best advice I can provideu is stay away from booze and other chemistry.

    I swore off alkyhol going through my divorce because I wanted a clear head at all times, and I did not want to look back later and claim I made bad choices because I was drinking. Years later I still think it (besides getting divorced) was the best decision I ever made.

    Mojo, brother.
    studio1087 and Deeve like this.
  12. MilwMark

    MilwMark Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

    Apr 29, 2013
    near Arnold's

    Haven’t haunted here much lately. Missed this.

    Really sorry John.

    I’ve often read your posts and wished I had some of your grace, good humor, positive outlook and kindness. From afar I can tell you have a lot going for you, and I hope you keep sight of that.
    Last edited: May 17, 2020
    getbent and studio1087 like this.
  13. imwjl

    imwjl Poster Extraordinaire

    Mar 21, 2007
    My mom's basement.
    I'm sorry to hear that John ( @studio1087 ). I'll offer this from knowing you a bit in the flesh, and from having some pretty tough times in my life. You do have optimism and people ways I know make the difference. You're also a decent person. You inspire me. You can do this.

    You've worked in packaging - right? That's close to food. Niches in food are hiring. We won't stop eating it. You're in the region that makes a lot of the world's food. Maybe you'll find something there.

    Best wishes, hugs across the Internet.
  14. Obsessed

    Obsessed Telefied Ad Free Member

    Nov 21, 2012
    My divorce was one of the toughest things I went through in my life, but I became a happier and better person because of it, so once you get to the other side of this double whammy, there will be fresh side worthy of the struggle. Take it one day at a time for now.
    As others mentioned, we are here for you, so vent whenever you want.
  15. Jerry J

    Jerry J Friend of Leo's

    Mar 25, 2003
    I feel your pain, luckily for me everything is going well, but no one is that far removed what you're going through. I have been through all of it before. But your point about healthcare cost may be missed by some folks. I have company provided coverage but what I still have to pay for my high deductible family plan is just insane. There has got to be a better option out there. Best of luck and i hope things start going your way again.
  16. tery

    tery Doctor of Teleocity

    Sep 21, 2012
    It is not an ending … it is a beginning .
  17. wulfenganck

    wulfenganck Tele-Holic

    Aug 18, 2015
    Seligenstadt, Germany
    Cannot offer any serious advice, but I hope you'll get through all this!
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