After I bought a CV Squire Starcaster, my friend was inspired to buy a Squire Paranormal Toronado. Now the Starcaster is like what might happen if a Tele Deluxe mated with an ES 335, except it has the offset mutation and the wide range humbucker gene. The Toronado is like a Jaguar mated with a Les Paul. I guess in this pairing, the offset gene is dominant. These guitars appear to be GMIs, or "Genetically Modified Instruments." Being from California, where even the supermarkets post legally mandated signs about all of the hazardous materials one might encounter inside, I wonder if these guitars should have hazardous labels affixed to them at the point of sale. Are GMIs hazardous to our health and sanity? Will notes played on these guitars cause brain damage? Could a diminished chord open a wormhole vortex or cause time to run backwards? Will the mixed heritages of these guitars cause brand loyalty confusion leading to the erosion of late capitalism and a return to medieval feudalism? Do we need government regulations controlling the production of GMI guitars? I have been playing my Starcaster for a couple of weeks and I haven't noticed anything but fun, but the world does seem to be in a sorry state. Is this why?