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g'bye mama - coming soon

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by Deeve, Mar 31, 2020.

  1. Deeve

    Deeve Poster Extraordinaire Silver Supporter

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    ...so, this was obvious and inevitable from the time we moved her outta the house and into memory care, when she fell & broke a leg in Feb of 2017.

    The place called yesterday to say she's not eating/drinking and would we like to violate the standing order on "no intervention" (allow natural death/DNR) and pump her up w/ some IVs?

    Sibs agree she'd hate to be where she is, if she knew it (though it's the right kind of place for the care she's needed).
    The soc wkr is aware of the lockdown in the facility and why I haven't been able to stop by, even though that word isn't to be used here.
    But she said I'd be allowed a final visit, even though it's unlikely mom would recognize me through the mask & gloves.

    Two questions:
    1/ go or no (Mrs Deeve sez no)
    2/ aside from Angel Band, what to sing to her? (hearing is often said to be the last sense to leave) list up to five solo voice & guitar goodbye songs to mama.

    Dad's been gone since summer 2018 - sibs all made it to town to spend his last 15min together before he checked out.

    Peace - Deeve
     
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2020
  2. Ironwolf

    Ironwolf Poster Extraordinaire Gold Supporter

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    I'm so, so sorry. I'm at a loss for song suggestions. Are there any that you could say are favorites?
     
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2020
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  3. marshman

    marshman Poster Extraordinaire Silver Supporter

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    Angel from Montgomery?

    Condolences...I’ve had to deal with this with pets, am definitely hoping not to be there with a soul.
     
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  4. thunderbyrd

    thunderbyrd Poster Extraordinaire Silver Supporter

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    I'm so very sorry for your situation, Deeves. there are threads on here about my family's difficulties with my mom's dementia. it ain't easy and it ain't simple.

    I would not presume to try to advise you on a course of action. no judgement from me, however you handle it.
     
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  5. haggardfan1

    haggardfan1 Friend of Leo's

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    Deeve, I can't tell you how sorry I am. My family is all long gone and I have an idea how you feel.

    First song that came to mind was If I Could Only Fly.

    We're all thinking of you.
     
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  6. dented

    dented Doctor of Teleocity Gold Supporter

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    Sorry Deeve. Big hugz.
     
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  7. idjster

    idjster VERY grateful member Silver Supporter

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    I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now, Deeve. I can only offer you my good thoughts and prayers. So hard. Bless you, my friend.
     
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  8. Censport

    Censport Tele-Holic

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    My heart breaks for you and your mom. I'll be there before I know it with my own parents. I can't tell what to do, I can only tell what I'd do.

    I'd go.
     
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  9. Viejo

    Viejo Tele-Afflicted Silver Supporter

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    I am very sorry for what you are going through. I do have some advice though, keep copies of her DNR order close. As my Dad neared his end the doctors would move him to the hospital for a short time and then back to the nursing home. Each time they would move him we would visit and he would be marked for full resuscitation. My brother and I kept copies of his DNR order in our vehicles to get him reclassified as DNR. Dad had always been adamant that he had no desire to be kept on a machine.
     
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  10. chet again

    chet again Friend of Leo's

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    I'd go be with her.

    I was in my Dad's room and holding his hand when he passed. I think he knew I was there and was glad he wasn't alone.
     
  11. mefgames

    mefgames Friend of Leo's Double Platinum Supporter

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    My mother spent the last 10 years of her life in memory care/assisted living. My siblings and I visited on a regular basis, but towards the end she did not know who we were. As hard as it is to let go, sometimes it's for the best. I think I know exactly how you feel, but these times have made it much harder in so many ways. This is the part of life that is extremely difficult to come to grips with, but you, family, and friends must. I wish you strength in this trying time.
     
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  12. Dreadnut

    Dreadnut Friend of Leo's

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    Sorry Deeve, tough decisions made even tougher by the lockdown situation. I'd go be with her if you have a chance.

    Songs I might suggest: "I'll Fly Away," "Amazing Grace," and I also love "Angel Band." I'm sure you're right about people connecting with music right up to the end - I've been singing with dementia and Hospice patients for years; even those who are heavily sedated or thought to be comatose will respond to the music in small ways like moving their hands or feet.

    Prayers for you and your family.
     
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  13. aerhed

    aerhed Friend of Leo's

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  14. MerleJam

    MerleJam Tele-Meister

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    Sorry to hear that. Will keep you in my prayers. When my grandmother was in her last couple of days, we sang Beulah Land for her. That was her favorite song.
     
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  15. chet again

    chet again Friend of Leo's

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    I could tell more about why I thought my Dad knew I was there but you would not believe it.
     
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  16. TeleTucson

    TeleTucson Tele-Afflicted

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    I have been through this. I recommend that you go, both for her and for you. You have my best wishes in this very tough moment.

    Sing what brings some peace to you - it will bring peace to her.
     
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  17. tery

    tery Doctor of Teleocity

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    Best wishes . . .
     
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  18. bettyseldest

    bettyseldest Friend of Leo's

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    My best friend (a professional woodwind player) made a 400 mile round trip on Mother's Day, against the advice of the authorities. His Mum did not recognise him, but his Dad was lifted by the visit. He took his clarinet and duetted with his Dad playing piano. My friend is now coping better. He accepts he may well never see his mother again, and probably won't even be allowed to go to the funeral, but he took the opportunity that may not occur again.
     
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  19. 4pickupguy

    4pickupguy Doctor of Teleocity Silver Supporter

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    Oh dear god Deeve, I'm so sorry. Move heaven and earth to be there! She most certainly deserves it. Hang in there! Our prayers are with you!!!

    Peace FOR Deeve and his mother.
    Prayerfully, Fletch.

    PS. sing to her anything she sang to you as a child.
     
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  20. TelenTubes

    TelenTubes Tele-Holic

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    I'm sorry, Deeve. I just went to see my dad yesterday. He has cancer and probably has a week or so left. He's not eating anything but ice and pop sickles. I'd go.
     
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