Funny Sayings From Your Father

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by unixfish, Jul 9, 2019.

  1. Fendereedo

    Fendereedo Friend of Leo's

    Age:
    53
    Posts:
    3,922
    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2014
    Location:
    UK
    A few of my dad's favourites mainly involved toilet humour.

    So, if something was excellent, he would say that the something was "Excrement ".
    Another one was, if you asked him to do something, his retort would be; "I would rather s*** in my hands and clap!".
    Oh, and the all time favourite, if you overstated the obvious, was; "No s***, Sherlock!"
     
    lineboat and Shuster like this.
  2. P Thought

    P Thought Poster Extraordinaire Silver Supporter

    Posts:
    9,205
    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2009
    Location:
    Plundertown (Gasville) OR
    My dad would answer our pleas with, "Sure, you can have a puppy, as long as it's skinned and dressed."
     
    Shuster likes this.
  3. tlsmack

    tlsmack Tele-Afflicted

    Posts:
    1,102
    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Location:
    Lonk I-lant, New York
    More advice on women from my old man.....

    If a girl tells you she has a boyfriend, the correct answer is "I don't care if you have 20 boyfriends, make me #21, and I'll work my way up!!!"
     
    MrYeats likes this.
  4. MrYeats

    MrYeats Tele-Meister

    Posts:
    173
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2016
    Location:
    Texas Coast
    It is easier to pull a chain up a hill than it is to push one.

    I never lost anything in Mexico and I'm not going there looking for it.

    Don't be afraid to put some paint on that brush.
     
  5. Commodore 64

    Commodore 64 Friend of Leo's

    Age:
    43
    Posts:
    3,893
    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2010
    Location:
    Kent, OH
    "I didn't fondle your daughter"

    That wasn't true. Or funny.
     
  6. Beachbum

    Beachbum Friend of Leo's

    Posts:
    4,133
    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2009
    Location:
    Sand Land
    If you don't ask you can't get.

    Always use other peoples money.
     
    MrYeats likes this.
  7. Jackroadkill

    Jackroadkill TDPRI Member

    Age:
    40
    Posts:
    74
    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2019
    Location:
    Wales, UK
    I have a ....difficult relationship with my Dad. As in he might be an intolerant, racist, boorish, intractable, ignorant old bugger but he's my intolerant, racist, boorish, intractable, ignorant old bugger. I've learned a lot from him (usually what not to do, how not to behave or when to shut the hell up), so I suppose I should be grateful.

    However, I always remember him saying (about his pocketknife that his father bought him) "It's as blunt as old Harry", and I love that expression. I don't know where it came from, or to whom it refers, but I still use it.

    Another one is "the square root of bugger-all", meaning next to nothing.

    For some reason best known to himself he also shouts "Go, babe!" really loudly when watching rugby - but never any other time.
     
    MrYeats likes this.
  8. RoyalBaby

    RoyalBaby Tele-Afflicted

    Posts:
    1,273
    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2013
    Location:
    Birmingham, UK
    Very mixed thread this...

    Anyway, I don’t remember my father having a lot of odd sayings. He was a lecturer and used to say ‘every day’s a learning day’ a lot.
    He also used to call people squire for some reason, possibly when he’d forgotten their name.
    For an intelligent man he struggled a lot with names, he invariably called my wife Julie ( she’s Julia) and on occasion called me Shan ( my childhood dog).
     
    MrYeats likes this.
  9. drlucky

    drlucky Tele-Holic

    Posts:
    629
    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2012
    Location:
    Fresno, Ca
    When stuck behind a slow driver: "S**t or get ff the pot, buddy!"

    Once I hit my teens, anytime I headed out with my pals; "Have a great time, don't call me to bail you outta jail!"

    When discussing my Uncle Fred, his sister's ex-husband: "Fred's a nice enough guy, but when the good Lord passed out brains, Fred had stepped out for coffee."

    When I did something stupid: "You don't know beans from applesauce, do ya?"

    He was a great guy, always ready to help others, taught me how to be self-reliant, how to be a good friend and help others "for the benefit of the tribe", as he used to put it.

    He passed just over four years ago at eighty-eight. Miss him every day...

    You know, I bet he would've bailed me outta jail anyway...;)
     
    Stubee and MrYeats like this.
  10. ElJay370

    ElJay370 Tele-Meister

    Age:
    49
    Posts:
    420
    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2018
    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA
    Most of my dad’s memorable sayings were music related.

    “When you’re playing lead over changes, try not to s**t on the next chord.”
    “Either play or don’t play. Don’t make noise.”
    “Don’t think of it as selling out. Think of it as sneaking in.”
    “The louder it is, the less it matters”
     
    Stubee and MrYeats like this.
  11. Mike Eskimo

    Mike Eskimo Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

    Posts:
    18,754
    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2008
    Location:
    Detroit
    I’m so glad the “my dad was a p***e of s**t ! Funny sayings ?! What the hell are you talking about ?!” crew chimed in.

    We need to always represent to make the “my dad was my hero !” crowd know that that scenario isn’t a given ...
     
    MrYeats likes this.
  12. MrYeats

    MrYeats Tele-Meister

    Posts:
    173
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2016
    Location:
    Texas Coast

    I believe your Old Harry is the equivalent of our Mr. Johnson.
     
    Jackroadkill likes this.
  13. LunarSlingShot

    LunarSlingShot Tele-Meister

    Posts:
    270
    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2018
    Location:
    Oklahoma
    "Righty tighty, lefty Loosie"

    (in reference to cutting a little bit more off a board) - "Just cut about a C*nt hair off of it".
     
    mexicanyella likes this.
IMPORTANT: Treat everyone here with respect, no matter how difficult!
No sex, drug, political, religion or hate discussion permitted here.


  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.