Funny Sayings From Your Father

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by unixfish, Jul 9, 2019.

  1. RoyBGood

    RoyBGood Doctor of Teleocity

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    'No, you're not going to strap a jet engine and a four gallon tank of petrol to your back - you blithering idiot!!'

    (His response to my detailed drawings for a home-made jetpack. I was 14 at the time. 'Blithering idiot' was directed at me with justification quite a few times until adulthood).
     
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  2. davenumber2

    davenumber2 Friend of Leo's

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    Why fart and waste it when you could burp and taste it?
     
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  3. unixfish

    unixfish Poster Extraordinaire

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    My Grandfather on Mom's side used to say "You can tell a good beer when it tastes good the second time."
     
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  4. Ivorytooth

    Ivorytooth Tele-Meister

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    My dad would say..."Shape up or I will kick a turd out of you as long as a sleigh track."

    Another..."It is colder than my ex-wife out here." He was married 5 times.
     
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  5. esseff

    esseff Tele-Holic

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    'If I had a dog as daft as you, I'd shoot it.'
    Funny every time for him. Not for me. :mad:
     
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  6. Scooter91

    Scooter91 Tele-Holic

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    Dad would fart loudly, then say: "breathe deep, children, the air is full of vitamins!"
     
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  7. tlsmack

    tlsmack Tele-Afflicted

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    The first time I went to my dad with woman problems, he told me:

    "There's two kind of guys, the one she's cheating on, and the one she's cheating with. Which one do you want to be?":cool:
     
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  8. Preacher

    Preacher Friend of Leo's

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    Never date a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body.

    True story my Dad told me when I started dating. He was in the Navy and was station in Japan and apparently had a bad experience.
     
  9. rasr1

    rasr1 TDPRI Member

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    Whenever I forgot to do something he had asked me to do I would hear, "A short pencil is better than a long memory...write it down!"

    "It's raining harder than a cow pissing on a flat rock."
     
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  10. Charlodius

    Charlodius Tele-Meister

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    Whenever someone died, he would tell me that person was ‘on the roof and he couldn’t get them down.’ If you know that old joke, you understand what a funny guy my dad was.
     
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  11. Blue Bill

    Blue Bill Poster Extraordinaire Ad Free Member

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    Dad: "If I hear one more peep from you kids, I'm gonna cloud up and rain all over you!"

    Us: "peep, peep, hee hee"
     
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  12. 8trackmind

    8trackmind Tele-Meister

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    "If your underwear is wet for any reason, it's time to go home"
     
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2019
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  13. Stubee

    Stubee Poster Extraordinaire Gold Supporter

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    When I was a little kid watching him work on something he’d let lose a few expletives if he banged a knuckle always followed by “Pardon my French”! I leaned years later in French class that those expletives were apparently not common to the language.

    Not a saying but when I was in my early 20s and lamenting my little son misbehaving Dad said “That’s funny. I knew a kid just like that about twenty years ago”!

    I do miss him.
     
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  14. nixdad

    nixdad Tele-Meister

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    "Don't turn left across traffic, ********!" Wow, he was right.
     
  15. bcorig

    bcorig Tele-Afflicted Silver Supporter

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    Whenever we drove past a cemetery he’d remark “people are dying to get in there”.
    There was a church in town with a neon “Jesus Saves” sign atop. He’d read it and say “like Christ he does”.
    Can’t shake either 60 years later.
     
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  16. Shuster

    Shuster Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

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    When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did–in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.
     
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  17. Mike Eskimo

    Mike Eskimo Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    I just thought of about 6 or 8 things he’d say with some regularity and half were either racist, sexist , or both.

    Dude was a complete waste of skin.

    Thanks for bringing him up OP ! :mad::(:lol:
     
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2019
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  18. Hatfield92

    Hatfield92 Tele-Meister

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    My old man was a real mountain man, a total throwback. Called skunks polecats... groundhogs were whistle pigs. There were lots of anachronistic sayings, but nothing springs to mind.
     
  19. Ivorytooth

    Ivorytooth Tele-Meister

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    My dad said that too. Wished he was still around.
     
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  20. aging_rocker

    aging_rocker Tele-Meister

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    My old fella went far too early, and I'm almost the same age now, which I find very sad. I miss him immensely.

    He had many wondrous words of wisdom, most of which won't be appropriate in the modern age...but I especially liked "don't drink water, fish f*#k in it" and the sound of heavy rain was like "a horse p!ssing in a bucket"
     
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