First gig in years - Issues already

Discussion in 'Band Wagon' started by Norton72, Oct 29, 2012.

  1. Norton72

    Norton72 Tele-Afflicted

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    At the urging of a former band mate, I searched Craigslist for a band looking for a singer. Followed a link to BandMix and found the perfect match in a town about 55 miles from me. Went this past Sunday to jam with them and it was a great success. So for the first time since the early 90's I will be gigging again.

    The drummer has a nice rehearsal space, plenty of PA gear as well as a nice assortment of guitars and amps. (He's a pretty good guitar player as well.) The issue is the drummer's girlfriend. It's obvious she wants to be part of the band and is very intrusive with "advice" and even took to adjusting the PA, which is verboten in my opinion. The drummer and the keyboard player have been together about a year. The bass player has jammed with them one time, and this was the first time for me and the guitar player. The bass player finally had to tell this girl "You're making me nervous." She would get right up in the middle of the band with a music stand and lyric sheets, and sing along, but with no mic. We all tried to ignore her as much as possible, but I think we need to nip this in the bud. This is a deal breaker for me. I'm 51 years old and I'm past the fooling around stage and am ready to make some money. In my opinion rehearsal is work, it's not a gig. We are not there to entertain or indulge onlookers.

    It's good to have input form outside the band but she's way over the line. Let me give you an example: I typically wear jeans, boots and pearl snap shirts, and we play mostly classic and southern rock. During the course of her dishing out advice, she said that I should grow my hair out a little longer. I deadpanned back "What do you think I should wear?" The sarcasm went completely over her head and she said, "You shouldn't dress so country if you're playing rock and roll."

    How bout that?
     
  2. 1955

    1955 Poster Extraordinaire

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    Doncha wish rock stars would wait until they were rock stars to act like rock stars? Or at least wait until we leave! If it's tough now, imagine a New Years Eve gig with this well-organized bunch!
     
  3. sax4blues

    sax4blues Friend of Leo's

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    None of this will change so you need to make your decisions and attitude with with absolutely no hope that it will change. The good may outweigh the bad, every band I've been in has some compromise, but just know for sure the bad is there to stay.
     
  4. phoenixash

    phoenixash Tele-Holic

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    If she looks anything like this and asks you to wear a scary crab face RUN!!!

    [​IMG]
     
  5. Norton72

    Norton72 Tele-Afflicted

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    Believe me, she looks nothing like that.

    That may well be, and that's what I intend to find out. Like I said, this is a deal breaker for me. If she will do that at the very first practice, I can imagine how much worse it can get.
     
  6. TeleTim911

    TeleTim911 Friend of Leo's

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    I've got tons of experience in bands and I can't tell you how many really good bands I've been in were torn apart about medling spouses/girlfriends/boyfriends. I'm willing to bet that if you say something to the drummer he'll take it as an insult.

    There are only two choices to make. 1)speak to the drummer about it (and I'm sure it won't come out very well) or 2) find another band. It's up to you.
     
  7. burtonfan

    burtonfan Tele-Afflicted

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    Norton72

    I also took a long hiatus from gigging (14 years). I got back into it in '09.

    Long story short...I hoped everyone had matured and the egos had diminished, but no such luck. Everyone still has their nasty little habits, egos, girlfriends, wives (sometimes both), etc.

    I played my last booked gig last weekend and I've not rushed to put anything on the books. All in all, the last 3 years have been fun, but I'm starting to burn out again due to all the "side garbage" that comes with the territory.

    I feel for you bro'. :(:(
     
  8. DavidP

    DavidP Friend of Leo's

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    Been there...

    I have learned through experience that bands with spouses/partners/boyfriends/girlfriends are, sooner or later, and a variety of reasons, destined to self-destruct, and I avoid such situations at all costs.
     
  9. jazztele

    jazztele Poster Extraordinaire

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    "Do you realize how much it's going to cost to dress the band up like animals?"
     
    Clifford1 likes this.
  10. fezz parka

    fezz parka ---------------------------

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    First time you play together is always a get-ta-know-ya. Now you know.:lol:

    Ask the drummer what his intentions are. Throw it to his court. It could be she's territorial, who knows maybe she bought the PA? He is a drummer after all.:cool:

    Anyway, ask him. Then you'll really know.
     
  11. Norton72

    Norton72 Tele-Afflicted

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    It's funny to me though. The first band I was ever in, in my early 20's, everyone was either married or had a girlfriend and it was never an issue. We were together for five years, wrote a lot of good songs together and played many gigs. Maybe it gets worse as they get older?
     
  12. Revv23

    Revv23 Friend of Leo's

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    Lol, id be like, scuse me, but we are working. If the drummer takes issue, id leave. You are a grown up theres no reason for you to mind the children.

    Sent from my iPhone using TDPRI
     
  13. McGlamRock

    McGlamRock Friend of Leo's

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    RUN
     
  14. MonkeyKing

    MonkeyKing Tele-Meister

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    IS she hot enough to draw a following for you?
    Man, sorry you`re in this fix.
     
  15. Norton72

    Norton72 Tele-Afflicted

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    She is absolutely not hot. Kinda scary looking actually.
     
  16. 20721

    20721 Former Member

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    Ummm, hate to break it to ya but the first time you're at a venue and there's a live mic you're going to find out that she's actually in the band.

    Run, do not walk.
     
  17. Norton72

    Norton72 Tele-Afflicted

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    LOL, yeah, he is a drummer after all. I'm going to talk to the keyboard player first, seems like he's the one that put everything together and he seems to have a good attitude and a good approach to things. Then again, you're right -- just best if I approach the drummer on my own rather than come off as trying to pit the whole band against her, though I'm pretty sure that's the mindset of everyone else.

    eah, this was really just a get-to-know-ya. I could tell that everyone was a bit uncomfortable about it, even the drummer, so maybe it won't be too hard to put the brakes to it. Hey I'm not even sure what the relationship is between the drummer and the girl (I use the term loosely), so maybe it won't be so difficult. We'll see.
     
  18. fezz parka

    fezz parka ---------------------------

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    Smile a lot, and wear a cup.:lol:
     
  19. Wrong-Note Rod

    Wrong-Note Rod Poster Extraordinaire

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    I've practically given up gigging with bands all the above reasons. 55 miles away? Holy crap.

    I just dont have patience anymore for all that drama and time-wasting.

    I've got one band that plays maybe two gigs a year, and thats about it.

    Everytime I try and find a new one, its the same old slop. Drama issues, too far away, disorganized, etc etc etc...

    I've got a nice little recording/rehearsal room at my house with everything a band needs, some friends come over couple of times a week and we play country or rockabilly. No plans to go play a gig, just having fun.

    Thats enough for me.
     
  20. Norton72

    Norton72 Tele-Afflicted

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    It's 13 miles to the nearest gas station and 20 miles to the grocery store from my house. I'm out there.
     
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