Expecting my first kid, surname conundrum

What surname sounds more natural? (Horsaman is pronounced horse-a-man)

  • Smith-Horsaman

    Votes: 16 16.5%
  • Horsaman-Smith

    Votes: 81 83.5%

  • Total voters
    97

ClashCityTele

Friend of Leo's
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So you think there are less whackos on TDPRI than Mumsnet?

crazy-man-electric-guitars-8808042.jpg

Horsie McHorsaman!!!
 

Tonetele

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Having been a teacher Smith would be almost overlooked and not stay in my memory. However Horsaman -Smith is stronger sounding ( BTW hyphonated surnames area PITA when it comes to reports etc. Trev333 makes a good point.
 

archetype

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Me and my partner have been together nearly 10 years and expecting our first kid. We're not married so my surname is Smith and hers is Horsaman (horse-a-man).

My surname is common as muck plus I'm the only Smith in my immediate family. It was my mum's last name but she married not-my-dad before I was 2 and has remarried and divorced another not-my-dad since. All my siblings have different surnames and even I went by my mum's first husband's surname up until the age of 9.

On the other hand there are only very very few Horsamans in the UK, only in my county. We're going to double barrel our names when we get married but our kid will be here first.

Me and my partner can't agree on what sounds more natural so looking for more opinions. Mums net is full of whackos so I'm asking you guys instead. 🤣

You don't have to use either of your surnames or any combination of them. A couple in my extended family gave their new child a new surname that doesn't replicate either of theirs. This was at least 22 years ago.
 

Toto'sDad

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Seriously, you should see some of my Hispanic friend's names. Something like.

Manuel, Jose, Jesus Sanchez, Garcia, Vargus, Diego, Gonsales, Gonsales. One guy I knew shortened his name up to Gonsales Gonsales. We called him GG.
 

dswo

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I've had a hyphenated name for almost thirty years. It solves a couple of problems, but introduces others. People will enter it inconsistently in databases, including government and medical databases. You will have to spell it for people. It might be too long for some forms. It might be too much for students/coworkers to bother with.
 

deytookerjaabs

Friend of Leo's
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Jun 5, 2015
Posts
4,022
Location
Maryland
I have no good advice.

However, I got my Mom's last name, sounds like she knew pops was going to be out of the picture pretty early and she was right. After having kiddos I kind of regret that was done but whatever. My last name is very Polish sounding however I'm majority Swedish, so I took a lot of jokes about it growing up...ha!
 

Wooly Fox

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Vancouver, BC, Canada
I would rather be a Horsaman-Smith than a Smith-Horsaman.

Also that's a lot of characters to put into those block filling out forms you get, wasn't 16 characters the limit at one time?
 

memorex

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I recommend you change your name from Smith to Smythe. Then, whatever way you name your children, it will sound more impressive.
 

BlueTele

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Nov 16, 2008
Posts
252
Location
California
Me and my partner have been together nearly 10 years and expecting our first kid. We're not married so my surname is Smith and hers is Horsaman (horse-a-man).

My surname is common as muck plus I'm the only Smith in my immediate family. It was my mum's last name but she married not-my-dad before I was 2 and has remarried and divorced another not-my-dad since. All my siblings have different surnames and even I went by my mum's first husband's surname up until the age of 9.

On the other hand there are only very very few Horsamans in the UK, only in my county. We're going to double barrel our names when we get married but our kid will be here first.

Me and my partner can't agree on what sounds more natural so looking for more opinions. Mums net is full of whackos so I'm asking you guys instead. 🤣
My daughter is in the exact same position. Last April she and her boyfriend celebrated 10 years together, and they shocked us with the announcement they were pregnant in February (due in September), instead of the more expected "we're getting married" (after 10 years). I love my daughter's boyfriend, and this will sound somewhat prejudicial, but...life and "fitting in" with peers is tough enough for kids these days, but any indication of "mixed race" will always make a kids life harder. There are still people - "parents" - who won't include mixed race kids last their kid's birthday party or after-school play time and activities. Try explaining that to a 5 year old: "but daddy/grandpa, she is my best friend, why couldn't I go to her birthday party?" There are still employers who take a look at a last name, and make assumptions based on unfair ethnic/religious/racial stereotypes. My daughter's boyfriend is half Italian and half Hispanic. He happens to look very Italian, but carries his father's Hispanic last name. It is not my decision in the least as a future grandparent, but they seem not to like the hyphenated last name idea using both my daughter's and boyfriend's names. They are opting for his last name only, which again and unfortunately, will limit my granddaughter's opportunities and fair treatment in her future. I saw my own "cute as a button" pretty daughter come home from school some days nearly in tears, asking me things like "Daddy...what is a 'freak of nature'?" My heart sank...I was crushed...there was this group of three 1st grade girls, who even at that age, were treated "special" because they were in fact the "prettiest girls in the 1st grade." They knew it, and they routinely walked around "looking pretty" during recess while all other kids were playing (they didn't like to sweat apparently). They'd just choose their "victim of the day, week, or month", and just belittle, bully, and demean that child. That day, they chose my daughter. The crazy thing was, my daughter was really pretty too, but she wasn't in their "click." I had to explain to my daughter that sometimes even the prettiest or most popular girls are unhappy. They know they are treated special because they are pretty. But they want people to treat them well because they are smart, or artistic, or funny, etc., but it doesn't happen. So they become angry and sad inside, and they are jealous of the other nice kids who everyone likes for their personality and not their looks. So to make themselves feel better, they are mean to kids who are nice and have all of the neat personalities that they wish they had. I told my daughter: "those girls are jealous of you for being such a great, nice, funny, smart, and cool kid, especially because she was just as pretty as they were". My daughter felt better after that. So...
What I am getting at, is life is tough enough on kids when your parents are of the same race/ethnicity/ religion, etc., but it is tougher when that is not the case. To me...I already ache for the times that my granddaughter will ask me why she is being called names and why the other kids are being mean to her as they make fun of her for her last name. To add...
My daughter's boyfriend grew up a bit isolated as well. Once the other Hispanic kids realized he was half Italian, they cut him out of their social circle because he wasn't full-blooded Hispanic. His parents made sure he learned English as his primary language...he didn't even speak Spanish, which was the big "call out" on him. The other guys would talk Spanish and he didn't understand them, so they cut him out of the group because "he wasn't one of them." It can happen with any race/ethnicity/religion etc. I just don't want it to happen to my granddaughter. She'll need an identity, but will often be made to feel that she doesn't have one. But...
You have it easier...just go with a hyphenated name. No one in either family will be offended. And...while unmarried couples are quite the norm these days, and those parents can and will love their kids just as much as kids with married parents, I personally believe that every kid deserves to have married parents. There is already so much divorce, that that is not the reality even if they did get married at first, but again, every child deserves to know that their mommy and daddy are married "like (nearly) all of the other kids." Again, life is tough on kids...harder than when we grew up. We need to give them the best chance at social acceptance and success, despite "what" and "how" we feel about it. Once you have kids, it is no longer about "you"...it is all about your kids, and doing anything and everything to make them safe, loved, protected, socially accepted, and enjoy all that their innocent youth can be.
 

Red Ryder

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My daughter is in the exact same position. Last April she and her boyfriend celebrated 10 years together, and they shocked us with the announcement they were pregnant in February (due in September), instead of the more expected "we're getting married" (after 10 years). I love my daughter's boyfriend, and this will sound somewhat prejudicial, but...life and "fitting in" with peers is tough enough for kids these days, but any indication of "mixed race" will always make a kids life harder. There are still people - "parents" - who won't include mixed race kids last their kid's birthday party or after-school play time and activities. Try explaining that to a 5 year old: "but daddy/grandpa, she is my best friend, why couldn't I go to her birthday party?" There are still employers who take a look at a last name, and make assumptions based on unfair ethnic/religious/racial stereotypes. My daughter's boyfriend is half Italian and half Hispanic. He happens to look very Italian, but carries his father's Hispanic last name. It is not my decision in the least as a future grandparent, but they seem not to like the hyphenated last name idea using both my daughter's and boyfriend's names. They are opting for his last name only, which again and unfortunately, will limit my granddaughter's opportunities and fair treatment in her future. I saw my own "cute as a button" pretty daughter come home from school some days nearly in tears, asking me things like "Daddy...what is a 'freak of nature'?" My heart sank...I was crushed...there was this group of three 1st grade girls, who even at that age, were treated "special" because they were in fact the "prettiest girls in the 1st grade." They knew it, and they routinely walked around "looking pretty" during recess while all other kids were playing (they didn't like to sweat apparently). They'd just choose their "victim of the day, week, or month", and just belittle, bully, and demean that child. That day, they chose my daughter. The crazy thing was, my daughter was really pretty too, but she wasn't in their "click." I had to explain to my daughter that sometimes even the prettiest or most popular girls are unhappy. They know they are treated special because they are pretty. But they want people to treat them well because they are smart, or artistic, or funny, etc., but it doesn't happen. So they become angry and sad inside, and they are jealous of the other nice kids who everyone likes for their personality and not their looks. So to make themselves feel better, they are mean to kids who are nice and have all of the neat personalities that they wish they had. I told my daughter: "those girls are jealous of you for being such a great, nice, funny, smart, and cool kid, especially because she was just as pretty as they were". My daughter felt better after that. So...
What I am getting at, is life is tough enough on kids when your parents are of the same race/ethnicity/ religion, etc., but it is tougher when that is not the case. To me...I already ache for the times that my granddaughter will ask me why she is being called names and why the other kids are being mean to her as they make fun of her for her last name. To add...
My daughter's boyfriend grew up a bit isolated as well. Once the other Hispanic kids realized he was half Italian, they cut him out of their social circle because he wasn't full-blooded Hispanic. His parents made sure he learned English as his primary language...he didn't even speak Spanish, which was the big "call out" on him. The other guys would talk Spanish and he didn't understand them, so they cut him out of the group because "he wasn't one of them." It can happen with any race/ethnicity/religion etc. I just don't want it to happen to my granddaughter. She'll need an identity, but will often be made to feel that she doesn't have one. But...
You have it easier...just go with a hyphenated name. No one in either family will be offended. And...while unmarried couples are quite the norm these days, and those parents can and will love their kids just as much as kids with married parents, I personally believe that every kid deserves to have married parents. There is already so much divorce, that that is not the reality even if they did get married at first, but again, every child deserves to know that their mommy and daddy are married "like (nearly) all of the other kids." Again, life is tough on kids...harder than when we grew up. We need to give them the best chance at social acceptance and success, despite "what" and "how" we feel about it. Once you have kids, it is no longer about "you"...it is all about your kids, and doing anything and everything to make them safe, loved, protected, socially accepted, and enjoy all that their innocent youth can be.
I bet you make it tough on kids. Hahahahaha
 

57joonya

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Jul 23, 2021
Posts
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If you are going to double barrel it then Horsaman-Smith.

If you were to go with just one surname then I'd go with Smith.

Speaking as someone with a not so common surname I can tell you it's a major PITA to have to spell your surname every.dam.time.
I’m with horseman/smith
 




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