Ever get the feeling someone is sending you a 'message'

paulblackford

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I have a friend who lives out of town, and, every so often we phone one another to catch up on things. For the past couple of years, though, he'll only call if he's driving. I mean every time. He then uses the excuse of having gotten to his destination to end the call. We used to have relaxed, interesting conversations about music, art, or current events, and it was good to hear from him. Now it's very hurried, and distracted, with drop-outs, and disconnections. I hate talking to people while they're driving. I just get the feeling that he really doesn't care for the chat, anymore, even though he's usually the one who makes the call. It feels more like he's doing his 'due diligence' for a long friendship, as a maintenance measure. To be honest, I'd rather not talk, at all, if it's some hurried, distracted appointment. Maybe I'm reading into it too much.
 

brookdalebill

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I do this.
I call friends when I drive.
My “tribe” is always on my mind.
Most of my tribe are grownups, with responsibilities and such.
I don’t like to bug em’.
I figure if they want them talk to me, they’ll call.
Now that texting is a “thing”, way less social phone yakking is done.
I call people when I drive if I really want to check in with em’.
I think the fact your friend calls at all is a good sign.
I often “sign off” when I arrive at my destination, too.
No biggie, IMO.
 
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naveed211

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Yeah, I mean, life has gotten in the way. My (very few) true friends for the most part get it and have the same stuff going on. Some friendships die out after a while, but all of them change.

I have one close friend who’s living in the past and has a hard time letting go that we’re not teenagers anymore.

But yeah, it’s changed, no doubt about it. It’s cool there’s effort there, but if it’s stale and just out of duty, maybe space it out a bit more.
 

Telekarster

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I have a friend who lives out of town, and, every so often we phone one another to catch up on things. For the past couple of years, though, he'll only call if he's driving. I mean every time. He then uses the excuse of having gotten to his destination to end the call. We used to have relaxed, interesting conversations about music, art, or current events, and it was good to hear from him. Now it's very hurried, and distracted, with drop-outs, and disconnections. I hate talking to people while they're driving. I just get the feeling that he really doesn't care for the chat, anymore, even though he's usually the one who makes the call. It feels more like he's doing his 'due diligence' for a long friendship, as a maintenance measure. To be honest, I'd rather not talk, at all, if it's some hurried, distracted appointment. Maybe I'm reading into it too much.

Man, I have the exact same experience with my buddy that's been my best friend for over 45 years. In all these years we've managed to talk/hang out together nearly every day.... not kidding. In fact, I need to call him back in just a bit! LOL!!! However, his jobs have always been hectic and on the road so... for me it's normal when he calls me during the day and vice versa. Even still, we get together on a regular basis and have a beer/cocktails and do home improvement projects together, stuff like this. In fact, he just bought a used POS Skidoo that's not running and I'm helping him get it going. My advice is to learn to deal with it, cause you'll get used to it as time goes on and so will he. Get with him and hang out as much as ya'll can. Cherish the moments, man, cause none of us get out of this world alive ;)
 

mexicanyella

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I have felt the same annoyance as the OP, and also been the one arriving at a destination and hurrying off the call.

Sometimes it’s hard to know if your social “yardstick” is still trustworthy. Don’t have a solution, but I know what you mean.
 

afterdarkmusic

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I call folks while I’m driving because it’s about the only time I have to myself anymore, and I’d like to spend it catching up with someone important to me.

But I see the other side, too. There are certain people who can’t (or shouldn’t) multitask while driving and those conversations are always somewhat frustrating.

All of that said, if it bothers you, bring it up gently with him. I’m sure you’re valuable to him as he continues to call, so he’d probably rather hear it than not, and then you can take steps forward to work through it.
 

Harry Styron

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Being alone in the car, unless driving conditions are demanding, is when many things surface in my consciousness that are outcompeted at other times by multiple demands, which arise from phone calls, texts, emails, walk-ins, my to-do list, my calendar, the pile on my desk, etc.

Among those things that rise to the top are neglected connections with old friends. Sometimes, I make the calls, but usually not, because I don't want to interrupt their busy days and I don't want to compromise my mediocre driving skills.

If I were a better friend, I'd try to schedule a call.
 

BobbyMac

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Don't leave it to your friend to call you. Call him when you want to catch up.

Personally, I don't make or receive calls when I'm driving unless it is urgent or an emergency. I don't care that anyone thinks they can talk on the phone and drive at the same time, even hands free. Its not safe and is a big reason people drive distracted.
 

Nubs

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Hey man, at least you have people to talk to. Everyone just ghosts me when I ask them how they're doing.

Quite frankly, it gets draining to be the one that HAS to reach out to see how others are doing. If I didn't even try doing that, no one would say anything.
 

Peegoo

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Perhaps things are changing...but not necessarily for the worst.

I mention this because I really *really* dislike chit-chat on the phone. I'm not really big on chit-chat in person, either. This has nothing to do with a dislike for relationships because I love my friends and they are very important to me. I'm not anti-social in the least; I constantly make changes in my schedule to accommodate my friends and I enjoy their company.

But talking...just to be talking...is not something I enjoy. Chatting as an activity happens when I'm with friends and when it's adjunct to some other activity, like traveling, doing a task or a hobby, etc. That's perfectly fine with me.
 

nojazzhere

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I have a friend who lives out of town, and, every so often we phone one another to catch up on things. For the past couple of years, though, he'll only call if he's driving. I mean every time. He then uses the excuse of having gotten to his destination to end the call. We used to have relaxed, interesting conversations about music, art, or current events, and it was good to hear from him. Now it's very hurried, and distracted, with drop-outs, and disconnections. I hate talking to people while they're driving. I just get the feeling that he really doesn't care for the chat, anymore, even though he's usually the one who makes the call. It feels more like he's doing his 'due diligence' for a long friendship, as a maintenance measure. To be honest, I'd rather not talk, at all, if it's some hurried, distracted appointment. Maybe I'm reading into it too much.
My youngest brother is the world's worst at calling people only when he's driving. In fact, it's kind of a joke with me and another brother. Plus, you know when he's reached his destination because he says something like, "Well....I better let you go,"....as if I had called and inconvenienced HIM. My other brother and I have a "no money" wager as to who he'll be talking to when he has a terrible car accident, due to distracted driving. I DON'T talk or text while driving. Like the AT&T slogan says.....It Can Wait.
 

buster poser

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For the past couple of years, though, he'll only call if he's driving. I mean every time.
My wife and I have been friends with a couple since the mid 90s when we were all active duty. We remained close, often flew to spend our vacations with them, we know their extended families almost as well, etc.

They started doing this exact same thing a few years ago on their drives to the big city that's an hour-plus from where they live. Only time we hear from them.

Momma Poser told me "we teach people how to treat us." Go with your gut.
 
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archetype

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I do this.
I call friends when I drive.
My “tribe” is always on my mind.
Most of my tribe are grownups, with responsibilities and such.
I don’t like to bug em’.
I figure if they want them talk to me, they’ll call.
Now that texting is a “thing”, way less social phone yakking is done.
I call people when I drive if I really want to check in with em’.
I think the fact your friend calls at all is a good sign.
I often “sign off” when I arrive at my destination, too.
No biggie, IMO.

I was on the phone for 20 minutes, yesterday, with a call just like this. My buddy in another state and we talk 2-3 times a year. He was driving to another town and rang me up from his truck. It's a one-man fine carpentry operation and has almost zero time for the phone.
 




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