Dodging a Bullet

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by Fiesta Red, Oct 17, 2021.

  1. Fiesta Red

    Fiesta Red Poster Extraordinaire

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    Many people pine about “the girl who got away,” the unrequited or tragic love story where the circumstances just didn’t align, and the star-crossed lovers didn’t end up together.

    I am blessed to have had the opposite situation—the “Thank God I Dodged a Bullet” Girl

    I met and dated a girl who was very attractive…she looked like Princess Di and Nicole Kidman had a baby. 5’9” tall, knew how to dress and seemed absolutely crazy about me.

    Her family had money (or at least more than mine), and my “rebellious Cowboy Gypsy Greaser, guitarist/vocalist/harmonica player in a blues band” image made the “rich girl and bad boy from the wrong side of the tracks” fairytale even more “romantic.”

    It was “us against the world,” and our “James Dean dating Princess Diana” thing made people notice us even more—people thought we were Greaser Ken and Early 90’s Barbie.

    Her mother loved me (in fact, weirdly seemed to be in love with me), but her stepdad was concerned—specifically about her age (late teens) and her ability to enchant me—but he had no real say in the situation. Because we were in our dramatic late teens/early twenties, we used his displeasure as further fuel for the fire of our relationship.

    The main problem in this situation was the girl was insidiously manipulative…and she was dang good at it…

    She could watch somebody for a few minutes and figure how to push their buttons—and then would go do it. She could make anyone jump through hoops to make her happy—from friends to store clerks, she could have men, women, boys or girls eating out of her hand…and doing her bidding.

    The only person who immune to it (besides the stepfather, who’d given up by this point) was a young lady in our social circle whom I had been unsuccessfully pursuing since I was 15…in fact, she called me and said:

    “Are you dating _____?”
    “Yep.”
    “Um…you need to be careful, and reconsider what you’re doing…that girl is bad news and this is not going to turn out well for you.”
    “Y’know, I’ve been asking you out for seven years, and I’ve always let you know what kind of losers you’ve dated,” (she only dated good looking rich guys with douche-y clothes and new cars), “and never once have you listened to me or really considered how that makes me feel…so now, finally, when I’ve given up on you and found somebody that makes me happy, you call and tell me to break it off? Where do you get off?”
    “I’m just concerned about you—that girl is bad news, and she uses people…I don’t want to see you getting hurt!”
    “Well, thank you so much for your opinion…and one other thing—“ (pregnant pause)
    “Yes?”

    I hung up on her.

    (Spoiler Alert: This was one of the first steps to The Concerned Friend starting to like me, because it was the first time I blew her off and wasn’t at her beck and call…over the next year or so, there were several more incidents like this between the two of us, and it ultimately worked out that she fell in love with me—we’ve been married for 28+ years now.)

    In that time period, I became very spiritually, morally and mentally weak—I compromised a lot of my morals, especially about drinking. I was driving all over Texas with a bandmate/toxic friend…we notoriously egged each other on, going on insane and dangerous adventures…my best friend/drummer (whom I didn’t meet for another ten years), upon hearing about this time in my life, said “It seems like y’all were trying to live out every ZZ Top song from their early catalog!”

    We weren’t consciously doing this, but it does accurately describe the folie de deux between me and my band mateI was living out the “bad-boy blues-guy” image and drinking enough beer, vodka, tequila and wine to keep those industries afloat. Dating Miss Manipulation 1991 added heavily to the issue. She egged on my insanity and wildness, because it was exciting and rebellious and it pissed off her stepdad.

    Years later I wrote a song regarding these times; one verse says, “We spend half our money on guitars and booze, and everything else was just a dog-gone waste…but we made it through, unintentionally…”

    Then one day, at one of my lowest points, I had an epiphany while listening to “Exile On Main Street”, and started re-evaluating things. Initially, I tried to just slow down on the partying and reset the relationships with both Miss Manipulation and my toxic bandmates, but it really didn’t work.

    Shortly thereafter, I realized I was putting on clothes I didn’t want to wear, to go to a party I didn’t want to go to, to associate with people I didn’t really like.

    I met up with her that evening, dressed “inappropriately” for the party…she started freaking out, not understanding why I wasn’t doing what she wanted me to do. I broke up with her. She didn’t take it well, because I was the first person to ever tell her, “No.”

    I started hanging out with the Concerned Friend who tried to warn me off. My toxic bandmates didn’t appreciate her calming influence on me, (and one of them was jealous because she had turned him down when he asked her out) so I dropped them pretty quickly thereafter, too.

    About six months later, she and I started dating; six months later-er we were engaged.

    But Miss Manipulation had to try two more times. Well over a year after we broke up (and two weeks before my wedding), she showed up at my house at 3:00PM. Because I worked a midnight shift at the time, that was like someone showing up at your door at 3:00AM. I answered the door, in the mental fog of being woken up from a deep sleep. She pushed past me, stood in my foyer with her hands on her hips…

    She said, “You’re making the worst mistake of your life!
    “By opening the door? You may be right…”
    I mean by marrying her…you know we were meant to be together!
    “Look, I don’t know what you’re talking about…I’m sorry things didn’t work out between us, but I love A___, and we are getting married in two weeks…”
    What does she have that I don’t?
    “…My heart…?”

    Partially because of the fog of sleep, partially because I didn’t expect it, and partially because I forgot she was left-handed, I didn’t see her swift slap coming up to my face.
    Dang…that girl could pack a punch…I saw stars for a moment…

    I gently steered her out of my house and said, “All right, I think that illustrates part of the problem…it’s time for you to go.” She objected all the way out my door, but thankfully didn’t stay on my porch very long.

    I immediately called my fiancée at her office and told her what happened…the town I live in was still pretty small back then, and there was a strong chance that somebody saw my ex entering my home; I may be dumb, but I ain’t stupid!

    I saw an outburst of my fiancée’s Mexican heritage (“I will take her down—I will cut her!”). She was ready to go have a fight. As interesting as that may have been, (the ex would have had a height and reach advantage, but the fiancée had speed and a pure “piss and vinegar angriness” advantage) I was able to convince her to let it go.

    The next week, Miss Manipulation tried one more time to win me back—at a religious meeting, no less—but finally conceded defeat when she saw that my heart had moved on.

    I married the right girl shortly thereafter…we’ve had our ups and downs (as any relationship will), but I am so glad she degraded herself down to my level and has put up with me since 1993.

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    Last edited: Oct 18, 2021
  2. String Tree

    String Tree Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    She was Guilty, I was dead.
    You know what that Judge said?
    That's the way the Girls are in Texas.
    Case dismissed!
     
  3. Texicaster

    Texicaster Friend of Leo's Ad Free Member

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    Funny you post this today...

    I just got a FB request from this dude I have not even thought about in years! Decades! When I had a similar situation he pulled me aside and tried to talk me out of seeing this girl. I thought it was because his brother had gone out with her and was jealous but he had just experienced the insanity and was trying to save me!

    3 years of hell ensued! Glad it was all over when I was 22.....

    A few years back she contacted me and I was stupid enough to communicate a little with her. Figure maybe she's matured (we were 19 and 17 when we hooked up. She was and is a looker BUT....Same manipulative chick....I removed myself from that real fast!
     
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  4. nvilletele

    nvilletele Friend of Leo's

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    Great story. Very happy for you.

    My story is still playing out. Broke up with my very long term girlfriend right before Covid, and kept away from her for a long while. But then I got in touch more, and now she’s back in the country. Trying to decide what I want, whether I want to try to get back together, and wondering what her reaction might be.

    Getting back together might be the wrong thing for me, or maybe not. Or maybe she’d say no and break my heart again.

    I continue to agonize over this quandary.
     
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  5. telemnemonics

    telemnemonics Telefied Ad Free Member

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    In semi related semi news I just this month recalled a girl saying several times to me circa 1985: "We need you" before breaking up with me for a kind of dull older guy she worked with.

    Each time she had said that we need you thing I wondered who the other was in the we.
    Recently occurred to me she may have been pregnant and was concerned about a guitar player as bread winner, so snagged a seemingly more reliable dad type?

    IDK, she's not the only bullet in my past, and maybe she meant we as in her multiple personalities?
     
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  6. Telekarster

    Telekarster Friend of Leo's Gold Supporter

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    Yep, been there and done that too. Dodged a big bullet as well. Last I heard the gal had divorced 5 times, and had a child with each one of them... She was the same as the gal you mention. I am fortunate to have married the right gal and we've been together now near 30 years ;) Beautiful wife you got there BTW! :) Thanks for sharing the story.
     
  7. telemnemonics

    telemnemonics Telefied Ad Free Member

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    As for your cool story of the girl who said no for years, I have a couple of those in my past but no heartwarming endings.

    One I was trying to date for a summer (we actually went out many times and just talked plus) as she was trying to break up with a guy who moved in to her Moms house.
    She was almost broken up when she got pregnant and being Catholic, married him.
    I was best man at the wedding!
    Sold him a motorcycle and worked with him, seemed like a cool guy (but had several illegitimate children)
    Dated her bridesmaid for a while then got a steady GF, and one day the new husband just went to some other girls house after work and it was all over.
    She's a friend and we kind of know we missed a whole alternate life.
    But who knows.

    Another girl who always said no but teased me for a summer when she was 15 and I was 18, now I see her at the post office a few times a week. Same thing but we would have been a massive trainwreck plus also illegal in 1978?
     
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  8. dublindave8456

    dublindave8456 TDPRI Member

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    loved that story.........
    wasn't expecting to.........
    thanks for sharing,
    when's the Netflix series coming out.... ?
     
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  9. Dan German

    Dan German Doctor of Teleocity Silver Supporter

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    I never got enough dates to have bullets to dodge, but my first marriage was to someone self-destructive enough to inflict collateral damage. No malicious intent on her part, and maybe someone other than me could have helped, but I wasn’t even strong enough to steer my own ship in those days. And instead of your Concerned Friend, I had a Friend of My Sister (I’ve known her since ‘82) who barely even noticed me until I moved back home at the age of 36. A year later, apparently having noticed my attraction to her, she told my sister to ask me “if I was going to ask her out or what”. We have been together for the 24 years since, married for going on 21 of them.
     
  10. peteycaster

    peteycaster Tele-Afflicted Silver Supporter

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    Great story. Glad to see you're still happy and made the right decision back then.
     
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  11. stormsedge

    stormsedge Poster Extraordinaire Gold Supporter

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    LOL. Great story. He watches out for us...that is for certain. ~46 years ago, I was pursuing this gal (who turned out to be a train wreck inside a nuclear power plant)...she didn't think I was moving fast enough for her and suggested her friend "would probably" go out with me. Undaunted, I asked her friend out---and Mrs is the best thing human to ever happen to me.

    The train wreck went on to abuse a friend of mine and herself, until single-handedly (after a series of misadventures) ending up teetering on the edge of death in a coma for several months. She mostly pulled herself together after that, but her health never really recovered. Meh.

    Mrs and I continuing.
     
  12. Greggorios

    Greggorios Friend of Leo's Gold Supporter

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    I enjoyed that, thanks for posting. You're a natural born story teller Red and "you chose wisely". ;)
     
  13. telemnemonics

    telemnemonics Telefied Ad Free Member

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    BTW @Fiesta Red I’m not sure if it’s appropriate to say but I think your gal is a real cutie!
    Nice too when romance does go well.
     
  14. MickM

    MickM Poster Extraordinaire Platinum Supporter

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    Great story! Could be mine or any number of guitar players/ musicians. Unfortunately I didn't get the most important part. (the"happily ever after" ending)
    Hope yours lasts forever and ever.
     
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