Destination weddings

Preacher

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So I know this does not happen all the time but I heard about this wedding from one of my daughters.

Apparently she had a friend who was invited to a big destination wedding. All of the arrangements including the flight were arranged by the bride's parents. They sent out invites and asked everyone to RSVP, total cost $3500 a person for four days of festivities. She was encouraged to bring a plus one with her as well and the parents had set up a number of options for payment that needed to be made two months before the wedding.
My daughter's friend desperately wanted to go to the wedding and even asked her friends to help finance the endeavor (hence how my daughter heard about it).
My daughter told me about the event at which time I did a little addition in my head. Flights to the wedding destination usually ran about $500, and even at the nicer hotels in the area four nights lodging would run about a grand. So I am thinking, $2K for food and booze?

My daughter told me later that her friend ended up not getting enough money to go. When she told the bride's parents that she was going to have to decline attending she was told something along the lines that the parents were going to have to scale back the wedding some as a lot of people were not helping to finance the nuptials.
 

cyclopean

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I think it makes sense if both people getting married are from different places - it can make things a little more even when both families/sets of hometown friends have to travel instead of just one of them.

Also as a guest, if you can afford the time/money to go for a few days, it can be really nice to be on a short vacation with a bunch of your friends for a few days.
 

cyclopean

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They should get married wherever they want. Set up a Zoom meeting for the ceremony and send everyone links. Easy peasy. Cost effective. Elderly can probably attend, perhaps with some technical assistance, which can probably be given over the phone.
I had an invite to a zoom wedding.

If you’re getting married, please don’t do this to your friends and family.
 

Jim_in_PA

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Professor Dr. SWMBO and I had a "destination" wedding in Key West back in November 2001...yea...not long after the 911 attacks. It was actually more convenient for most family because many lived in Florida including my parents. It was only a small affair (35 guests including 11 kids) and was held in the middle of a parrot rescue that we support. We are bird people. It was quite enjoyable and frankly, inexpensive at about $5K including our travel costs. (my parent's costs were covered in that, too) Everyone stayed in B&Bs. Everyone had a great time.

Now I'm less favorable about big, involved and expensive destination weddings that put a lot of strain on attendees. I frankly don't like "big weddings" to begin with, and that's after having more than one of them in my history. Total waste of money that could go toward things like...a house. :) :D 'Hoping my daughter and her SO are similarly inclined (I suspect they are as they live their lives pretty frugally)
 

telemnemonics

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I blame the wedding industry and Disney Incorporated--as much as I blame the couple and their families for making poor financial choices. Lavish weddings are viewed as The Thing To Do because it somehow will define their coming Utopia-like existence together in matrimony. And it is always laser-focused on the bride because she's a princess at a coronation.

Most all women in developed countries are programmed from a very young age to dream about being a princess...never a queen, which seems weird at first. But after a moment's thought, you realize a princess is married to a handsome young prince. A queen is old, and married to a doddering old king. What young woman wants that? This psychological aspect of weddings is why many older couples that get married often have very small, modest ceremonies--or they visit the Clerk of the Court, say their "I do's," sign ze paypaz, and get on with their lives. Without incurring debt for a one-day occasion and a book of overpriced photos. Life has taught them that living in a fantasy world is the road to unhappiness and financial ruin.

The groom at wedding these days is simply a prop. Generally, the wife and her family (and usually the groom's family too, the poor bastidz) hope and pray the groom stays relatively sober throughout the ceremony and reception. The groom is expected to look good, hit his marks, keep his mouth shut, and let the wife-to-be bask in the pomp of her adolescent dream.

Wait. Is that a new female pope? Nope. It's just a wedding.

"Best wishes," indeed.

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Well yeah its an interesting comparison to say the built up bridezilla promise, coming from the wedding industry raking in the dough and needing couples/ families to be willing to buy into what amounts to temporary group insanity.

I mean first insanity is why would a middle class man marry a woman who goes crazy over having a wedding on par with the royal family, and why marry a man incapable of providing royal family digs if that is the expectation?
Am I way off to think bride and groom are totally nuts in these scenarios? Unless of course they are legit royals or Rockefellers.
Folks did not get this way on their own, they got sold a bill of goods, sorry, a fantasy of goods, by the wedding industry.

Figure that just like TV and movies include paid promotion of brands and services, swanky over priced choreographed fun providers have become the norm, via pop culture who formerly could not and presently cannot afford it. Takes big money advertizing to control, sorry, to fool all of the people all of the time!

Second is the psychology where users of resort services get angry and irate if their expectations are not met.
OK so a bride and groom are naturally stressed largely due to the nature of two sets of families negotiating their preferences.
So brides being women which society deems the emotional gender, will act upset. Grooms too, but we more focus on laughing at brides dressed like toy poodles because: uh, sorry, at a loss here.
Oh, wedding dress industry!
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But I work in the tourist industry now that my back is shot and I cannot build a house any more.
What I see is the bridezilla concept has trickled down to every day vacationers who presume if they spend $5000-$7000 for a week by the sea in Maine, we are all their servants and they are the royalty.
As in every citizen, not just hotel and dining staff.
Not all but many are confused about Maine, which is not Miami or Rio, instead rustic and DIY vacation style.
I can only imagine how actual staff in actual resorts are treated if the expected royal experience falls short?

Given that wedding destinations are also plain old vacation destinations, it seems the mass hysteria of bridezilla style anger as a method for ensuring fun is provided, is Pogo style: the enemy is US.
Even the threads about returning the new Gibson because of a microscopic nit in the nitro indicates crazy.
Not every one of us and probably not us in this thread, but society more and more buys into the ideal of being served by service providers to the point where even at home we have apps on our phone to answer the door so we dont have to get off our couch.
And this expectaion of being served trickles down to those earning minimum wage, who still get conned by the ad industry into Alexa shopping for them, Ring doorbell peeking out the curtains for them, and Roomba cleaning up after them etc etc.

Funny though that American society seems unable to provide enough servants to fill service jobs, now that society thinks we are all royalty.
AKA mental health crisis and almost everyone is plumb crazy?
 

Mjark

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There's one in Utah in the desert coming up despite the fact the bride and groom live in SC thankfully we were not invited.
 

telemnemonics

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There's one in Utah in the desert coming up despite the fact the bride and groom live in SC thankfully we were not invited.
What the heck is there in the desert for comfy vacations digs and why desire a luxury stay in the desert?

Oh right gambling casino's.
 

Mjark

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What the heck is there in the desert for comfy vacations digs and why desire a luxury stay in the desert?

Oh right gambling casino's.

I don’t think there are casinos in Utah. It’s going to be in those rock formations out there. It’s quite beautiful but inconvenient.
 

telemnemonics

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Question time: if you HAD to go to a "destination" wedding but you got to pick the destination, where would you go? No fair choosing the nearest Waffle House ;)
Seriously and literally plus without needing to ask my wife?
The Galapagos Islands!
Waffle House we both just say no...
 

telemnemonics

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I don’t think there are casinos in Utah. It’s going to be in those rock formations out there. It’s quite beautiful but inconvenient.
I love the Southwest desert and river canyons, but yeah just cant recall any desert resorts except the repulsive Vegas abomination.
When we hit Vegas we literally had no money and just enough gas to get to Phoenix. The two girls I was with had a fight in Vegas, one ran throug a hedge screaming into a trailer park and I followed, hearing the other girl burn some rubber driving off in a fit. Trailer park retirees came out threatening to call the cops.

....by the time I get to Phoenix....
 

ChicknPickn

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Another vote for . . . . self-importance.
We love you, but, seriously? Turks and Caicos? On our dime?
 




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