Current Corpspeak

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by blowtorch, Apr 8, 2019.

  1. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

    Posts:
    26,602
    Joined:
    May 2, 2003
    Location:
    Wisco
    Anyone else saddled with "Agile"?
    Program Incements, Sprints, Team demos, retrospectives, features, stories, objectives, kanbans, scrum of scrums...:rolleyes: and it's all just new names for the same structures and meetings your company has been doing all along....(I know, I know, if that's the case, you're doing it wrong! :))

    You know, entire industries are built in charge of instituting this crap, making sure there's a new fresh system in place with new terminology and supposedly new concepts that within a few years will be looked on as the old bad system, and scrapped for the new new system. In the meantime, everyone better smile and pretend to be excited and get with the program...

    I'm a veteran of this stuff. Remember TQM? Where everyone from the lady pushing the broom to the head of the company was on the same level? :lol:
     
    awasson, String Tree, Flakey and 10 others like this.
  2. SixStringSlinger

    SixStringSlinger Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

    Posts:
    2,843
    Joined:
    May 21, 2006
    Location:
    Space
    One thing I do find interesting: There seems to be a pretty clean break between the people confused by all these "changes", as though they're going to have to learn everything all over again, and those who see it simply as names changing, with no real change of substance.

    So you're left with a workforce wherein everybody is either freaked the F out, or exasperated by all the BS.

    Is this what they're going for?
     
    awasson, GibbyTwin, Torren61 and 3 others like this.
  3. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

    Posts:
    26,602
    Joined:
    May 2, 2003
    Location:
    Wisco
    I see a lot of people who embrace it pretty thoroughly. I can't help but feel that is fear-based.

    Really we have to put an end to this crap, somehow. But you're either for or against, and, no one wants to be seen as being against
     
  4. Bob M

    Bob M Tele-Afflicted Ad Free Member

    Posts:
    1,412
    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Location:
    North of Boston
    The current state of business is becoming absurd. If you cut out all the "training" being done and just reward the folks that are doing the work we would all be better off.
     
    richiek65, MuddyDitch, Flakey and 4 others like this.
  5. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

    Posts:
    26,602
    Joined:
    May 2, 2003
    Location:
    Wisco
    most of the "training" is just CYA stuff for the company, evidenced by the crap you have to sign, electronically or otherwise, stating you've completed the course
     
  6. Mjark

    Mjark Doctor of Teleocity Silver Supporter

    Posts:
    12,453
    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2011
    Location:
    Annapolis, MD
    I'm into retirementspeak. Like "what day is it?"
     
  7. Preacher

    Preacher Friend of Leo's

    Posts:
    3,068
    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2007
    Location:
    Big D
    I have lived it for 30+ years...

    First was we had to be "forward thinking", meaning the mistakes of the past are going to repeat themselves.
    Then we had to "nimble" as we "course corrected" for mistakes made in the "experiment" that failed.
    Then we had to be able to be "cross trained" so that we could "wear many hats" and do many jobs poorly.
    Then we had to be "lean and mean" so we could work more hours and wear more hats.
    Then we had to be "adaptable" and "scale-able" so we could do even more bigger jobs.
    Then we had to be "ISO9000", "Clean" and "renewable" so we can print it on our products so we can feel better about ourselves....

    I remember one day the boss came in and told me he had a new title for me. I will say it was a nice sounding title. So I asked, "will I have more people to manage in my department under my new title?" The boss says, "No."
    I then asked, "Will I be getting a raise in pay for this new title?" Again the Boss says, "No."
    So I then said, "Well I don't work for titles so lets save some money and not buy any new business cards."

    I am almost to the point where I can operate my own business on my terms, on my time and on my merit. I long for that day.
     
    DaveTone, Flaneur and El Tele Lobo like this.
  8. FerruleCat

    FerruleCat Tele-Holic

    Posts:
    635
    Joined:
    May 2, 2017
    Location:
    Tulsa, OK
    People who don't "do special" continually have to reinvent lingo to "be special."
     
    Flakey likes this.
  9. SixStringSlinger

    SixStringSlinger Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

    Posts:
    2,843
    Joined:
    May 21, 2006
    Location:
    Space
    I've long said about my workplace that there seems to be a lot more talking about work going on than actually working. All these policies, trainings etc. may have a reasonable motivation, but the execution is horrible. It gets to where you go to work for training rather than for the training to aid in your work.

    To be fair, though, when I was in high school it felt like I was going just to learn how to take standardized tests, rather than for the tests to serve as a measure of how I did in high school. So they're nothing if not consistent.
     
    Flakey and loco gringo like this.
  10. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

    Posts:
    26,602
    Joined:
    May 2, 2003
    Location:
    Wisco
    And every new wave of management has to bring in some new process with them, so they can crow about (dubious) process improvements under their watch
     
  11. Guitarzan

    Guitarzan Poster Extraordinaire

    Posts:
    6,644
    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2006
    Location:
    Hotlanta, GA
    "Incements"?

    You need to find a template online in MS Word, etc. for B******t Bingo (Corporate Speak Version) and update it with the new and exciting terms.
     
    richiek65 likes this.
  12. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

    Posts:
    26,602
    Joined:
    May 2, 2003
    Location:
    Wisco
    increments, I was actually just going off the top of my head, and i misspelled
     
  13. ddewerd

    ddewerd Friend of Leo's Ad Free Member

    Age:
    59
    Posts:
    2,373
    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2003
    Location:
    Willow Springs, Great-State-of-Texas
    You must work at the same place as me!

    We've been adopting this model over the past few years. Definitely a learning curve for all the new lingo.

    In theory I think this stuff pretty good (FYI, this is used a lot in software development). The problem I see is that the actual market conditions and development processes have too many variables to make for a consistent implementation. It looks and sounds good on paper, but making it real is a lot harder. And the more you vary from the textbook definitions, the less efficient it becomes.

    Cheers,
    Doug
     
    blowtorch likes this.
  14. SixStringSlinger

    SixStringSlinger Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

    Posts:
    2,843
    Joined:
    May 21, 2006
    Location:
    Space
    I find it difficult to get across that I can be against something, or just think it's a bad idea or the wrong way to go about something, but still do my job to the level that's expected of me.

    Like, if you have a job you genuinely care about for it's own sake, that's fantastic. But not being "on board" is not necessarily fatal. We have an agreement where I do a job and you compensate me. That's enough.
     
    blowtorch likes this.
  15. archetype

    archetype Fiend of Leo's Silver Supporter

    Posts:
    3,385
    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2005
    Location:
    Williamsville NY
    I'm a project manager and, yeah... agile. It makes sense in a lot of ways, but properly applies to only a few domains, for example specific types of software development.

    My specialtiy is equipping hospitals with all computing, printing, networking, and telecom. That kind of multi-year, multi-million-dollar project requires a ton of planning with waterfall methodology, but my teams deploy that stuff with agile methodology doing the same basic thing over and over.

    I believe in matching the methodology to the project at hand, but so many businesses (who don't actually understand ANY methodology) treat a methodology like agile like it's a religion. Fanatics don't lead the enterprise to success. I just wish businesses would leave the methodology to the experts they hire to choose the methodology.
     
    DaveTone, Flakey, rze99 and 1 other person like this.
  16. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

    Posts:
    26,602
    Joined:
    May 2, 2003
    Location:
    Wisco
    I've found, over time, the specific model is the same pretty much everywhere, at any given time.
     
  17. DesmoTele

    DesmoTele TDPRI Member

    Posts:
    52
    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2018
    Location:
    Texas Gulf Coast
    My current workplace is undergoing 'Digital Transformation'. SAFe (Scaled Agile Framework - more like Stupid As ****), UX/DX, DevOps, yada yada). It's so efficient it took upper management six months out of the fiscal year to 'finalize' our departmental goals, leaving us only six months to execute. They did manage to come up with a new name for our organization - Digital Business Solutions. At least they got the BS part right.

    It would be nice to work somewhere where management isn't done by whatever the CxO read on their latest plane ride.
     
  18. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

    Posts:
    26,602
    Joined:
    May 2, 2003
    Location:
    Wisco
    Yes, this is the full proper and formal name
     
  19. Guitarzan

    Guitarzan Poster Extraordinaire

    Posts:
    6,644
    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2006
    Location:
    Hotlanta, GA
    Have you considered writing a humorous memo with several specimen BS Bingo sheets attached to inform management of all the money and time that has been wasted?

    And then provide a counter-proposal. Instead of going out and hiring consultants and spending all the money, management could do a couple of things. One, promote area and department managers from the ranks, people that have actually done the work, and ensure that the managers know the job of every subordinate and is capable of doing that job if it were required. Two, instead of hiring consultants, provide a written injunction to the employees in a task area or department: Provide a report not later than 30 days from advising what your area or department would look like and how it would work if we were starting from absolute scratch and imagine the area/department we would build today from that zero basis. They might need some short term assistance from interns, temps, etc. to serve as secretaries and assistants to help them write it up, identify the computers, personnel, equipment, etc. they would purchase, and figure out what it would cost.
     
    El Tele Lobo likes this.
  20. archetype

    archetype Fiend of Leo's Silver Supporter

    Posts:
    3,385
    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2005
    Location:
    Williamsville NY
    I think 'executive' administrative assistants should be intercept all trade magazines and shred them.
     
    Flakey likes this.
IMPORTANT: Treat everyone here with respect, no matter how difficult!
No sex, drug, political, religion or hate discussion permitted here.


  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.