1. Win a Broadcaster or one of 3 Teles! The annual Supporting Member Giveaway is on. To enter Click Here. To see all the prizes and full details Click Here. To view the thread about the giveaway Click Here.

"Control what you can control and manage the rest". . . BUT

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by ukepicker, Oct 16, 2020.

  1. Commodore 64

    Commodore 64 Friend of Leo's

    Age:
    45
    Posts:
    4,182
    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2010
    Location:
    Kent, OH
    Eat cabbage and beans, or cruciferous vegetables. At work, find stairwells where people are a few floors below, so they can't see you. You can get really good echoes with flatulence. ANd sometimes the people's responses make you laugh extra hard.
     
  2. jhundt

    jhundt Doctor of Teleocity

    Age:
    66
    Posts:
    12,733
    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2003
    Location:
    Netherlands
    when you live for money, money will rule your life. As it appears to be doing. And, as you say - YOU are making the choice, right now.
     
    ukepicker likes this.
  3. jhundt

    jhundt Doctor of Teleocity

    Age:
    66
    Posts:
    12,733
    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2003
    Location:
    Netherlands
    wonderful story, isn't it?
     
    ukepicker and P Thought like this.
  4. beagle

    beagle Friend of Leo's

    Age:
    61
    Posts:
    4,234
    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2010
    Location:
    Yorkshire
    "Control what you can control and manage the rest"

    I replace "manage" with a slightly more colourful word and get on with the rest of my life.
     
    ukepicker likes this.
  5. johnny k

    johnny k Poster Extraordinaire

    Posts:
    5,790
    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2011
    Location:
    France
    Mine is to say yes to everything i am asked to do at work, because i don't like confrontation. And then when i go back home, i play death metal. I also enjoy a bit of beer, but that is out of the question for you since you have the test.
    We don't have those there yet, but i would probably have to quit if we had them. I would probably find another coping mechanism quick enough though.
     
    Greggorios, carpenter and ukepicker like this.
  6. ukepicker

    ukepicker Tele-Afflicted Silver Supporter

    Posts:
    1,773
    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2013
    Location:
    Texas
    As a one-time student of the Pentateuch, I recognized the name but had no idea the meaning had been "brought along". I googled the word to figure out if it was related to the legend.

    I mean, I wasn't brought up under the tried-and-true "you'll go blind" paradigm. It was more the Onanian "God'll strike you dead" paradigm.


    But hey - I'm still here! See? :D
     
    P Thought likes this.
  7. BigDaddyLH

    BigDaddyLH Tele Axpert Ad Free Member

    Posts:
    54,901
    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2009
    Location:
    Kelowna, BC, Canuckistan
    Didn't Dorothy Parker say she named her canary Onan because he spills his seed on the ground?
     
    P Thought and ukepicker like this.
  8. ukepicker

    ukepicker Tele-Afflicted Silver Supporter

    Posts:
    1,773
    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2013
    Location:
    Texas
    I hear you. And believe me, I'd love to take that idea and run. If it were just me, I'd probably be very close to a hobo (but self-supporting, in some way). I hate debt and mortgages and all that ties me down.


    But my kids need clothes and shelter and food. My wife has needs, too - and, even though she is quite capable of handling her own financial needs, I'm going to contribute to those as well. Just as she pitches in taking care of my boys.

    Maybe something else will open up for me soon enough. I have some ideas. I have a vision of the future that isn't too far-fetched. Something with a little road time, a little office time, a little home time.
    But right now, I gotta keep this crumby job. Emotionally, I need to finish moving into my house before I'll be able to interview well. (My garage has me in a terrible mental state. Maybe I can make some headway this weekend.)

    Until then, I've got beer and bourbon and the love and support of the best friend in the world. I'll get through.

    I just wish I could take a little, legal pill to help me not take everything so seriously. Especially at work. And just for the next month or two.
     
    jhundt and elihu like this.
  9. ukepicker

    ukepicker Tele-Afflicted Silver Supporter

    Posts:
    1,773
    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2013
    Location:
    Texas
    I hear what you're saying. I understand. My wife thinks this way. And it strikes me as completely self-absorbed. She's a very sweet, wonderful person. Giving and gracious. But, she is always counting the cost of others' expectations against what she has decided she's worth. And there are clear lines that she will not cross.

    I wish I was more like her.

    I don't want to speak for JL_LI, but I can speak for me: I was raised to put others ahead of myself. And that has sent beautiful and sometimes terrible ripples (and tsunamis) through my life. I've only just begun to realize that I can't always be gutting myself on the altar for everyone I meet. I also think I'll put up with a HUGE amount of "stress" from the woman I love, because I love her and have committed to her - to each of us helping the other find the best life. It helps me to give of myself to help her. Even if it is stressful sometimes.
     
    elihu likes this.
  10. 1 21 gigawatts

    1 21 gigawatts Tele-Meister

    Age:
    46
    Posts:
    325
    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2020
    Location:
    Florida
    Life is what you make it. Nobody but yourself can make you miserable.

    My wife is struggling at work currently. Not with the job, but with her mental wellbeing at work. I tell her the same thing.

    You decide how your day is going to be when you wake up. Events will unfold how they will, but your attitude about those events can completely change your perception of them.

    Here is an example. Say you have a new guitar being delivered on a particular day. You are probably happy that day no matter what happens at work, because you are looking forward to your new guitar when you go home. Was work really any different from any other day, or did you just decide that it would be a good day no matter what?
     
    Greggorios likes this.
  11. Greggorios

    Greggorios Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

    Posts:
    3,395
    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2016
    Location:
    NY
    An observation: I believe this is the 2nd post of yours where you identify possibly leaving this job. My experience is that it's always better to have a new job before leaving your old one if at all possible. Much easier to interview/job search while you're still employed if you can stick it out. Here's the rub...you must start exploring the steps to take to find another gig. The tangible actions you take in looking to find a new job will help your attitude at your old job. It will likely empower you. Job search is always a big PIA but don't delay. There are lots of resources to help with this. You don't have to go it alone. You also are not obligated to take a new job just because you decide to start looking or even if you get offered a job. It's your call, YOU have the power. Positive actions, my friend, will always help reduce the stress and strain.
    Good luck!

    (edit: This probably doesn't need to be said but just in case, it's recommended that you don't share anything regarding a new job search with your current bosses and co-workers.)
     
    Last edited: Oct 16, 2020
    ukepicker, elihu and P Thought like this.
  12. ukepicker

    ukepicker Tele-Afflicted Silver Supporter

    Posts:
    1,773
    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2013
    Location:
    Texas

    Well said! Thank you!
     
  13. Mark the Moose

    Mark the Moose Tele-Holic

    Age:
    45
    Posts:
    916
    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2018
    Location:
    Erie, CO
    1. Practice gratitude. You will see more of what you dwell on.
    2. Walk outdoors. A myriad of studies have shown this to be beneficial and it's all we have that is "safe" these days with people outside our home.
    3. Grow. Find an area of life you want to learn more about or in which to develop a skill. Music, wood-working, history, cooking... a million possibilities.
    4. Diet and exercise...yup. Sorry.
    5. Take control of the things you can control. Your spending/saving, your diet/exercise, the way you treat loved ones, the direction of your thought life, areas of faith/spirituality...release the rest.
     
    ukepicker, Rocky058 and Greggorios like this.
  14. Ricky D.

    Ricky D. Doctor of Teleocity

    Age:
    69
    Posts:
    10,946
    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2006
    Location:
    Raleigh, North Carolina
    Exercise. Planned, consistent, minimum half hour per day.
     
    ukepicker and elihu like this.
  15. thesamhill

    thesamhill Tele-Holic Silver Supporter

    Posts:
    871
    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2010
    Location:
    Harrisburg, PA area
    I was having job challenges, similar to yours maybe, and just being frustrated and irritated a lot. My wife pushed me to try mindfulness meditation, in earnest. I always thought it was hippy dippy nonsense but once I stopped being a gronk I found it really helpful. Not "changing my lifestyle" helpful but helpful to keep perspective.

    It was about gratitude- as @Mark the Moose suggested. One of the meditations said to think of good things in your life. I actually am thankful for my job, it keeps me and my family going, so I thought about that.

    And then the meditation guy said, "now imagine yourself saying "thank you" to the thing you're thinking about." And I was like, "what? that's dumb" but I promised my wife I'd do it and not be a gronk and it turns out, it gave me a bit of peacefulness.

    It didn't end my problems, but it helped me wrestle back some of the increasing twist-up of negativity that was going on in my head.

    I think a lot. Think think think. It's good sometimes, but sometimes the general thinking strays toward negativity and anxiety, and it's easy to get stuck there.

    Clinical is clinical, so check in with your doctor just to make sure it's not a chemical thing. But you can help yourself out a lot with a lot of the suggestions here- walk, food, mindset stuff.

    Also- at an earlier time in life when the negativity was happening, a good friend asked, "well... are you playing any music right now?" Sure enough... nope. I picked up a guitar here and there but no projects, nothing I was actually working on/toward. I have a tendency to discount how beneficial playing (and other basics- eating healthy, walking, chatting with people, etc) is to my mental health because I take it for granted, and when I stop I can't figure out why I'm all messed up.
     
    ukepicker likes this.
  16. ukepicker

    ukepicker Tele-Afflicted Silver Supporter

    Posts:
    1,773
    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2013
    Location:
    Texas
    Thank you - I appreciate your openness and first-hand experience.

    Last week, I stumbled into modern stoicism. Probably a good place to start looking for things I can meditate on. It seems to jive with my value system and medicate where I'm struggling.

    Were you following a program? Any recommendations for directed meditation?


    As for playing: All my electrics are in storage at the moment. The new wife/new life landed me in a really nice house that serves all of her needs really well. And there's no place for music, really. I mean, I can grab an acoustic and whip out a song now and then. But there's ZERO place for creativity. My job (which is stuck in a data-entry phase at the moment) hurts my hands and a few songs is all I care to put them through anymore. Forget about giving them a workout or an extended practice/songwriting session.

    As I move in, I'm trying to turn the garage into a place I could woodshed a little. I'm being intentional about organizing it that way. Maybe when football and soccer are over, I'll be able to find a little downtime. and get caught up.
     
  17. ZenGuitarist

    ZenGuitarist Tele-Afflicted

    Posts:
    1,154
    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2016
    Location:
    Alberta, Canada
    I exercise every day and play guitar as much as I can. Playing guitar transports me to my happy place.
     
  18. thesamhill

    thesamhill Tele-Holic Silver Supporter

    Posts:
    871
    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2010
    Location:
    Harrisburg, PA area
    Cheers, man.

    The one I listened to was Deepak Chopra doing 21 days of gratitude. I think these are some of them tho I haven't listened to them to confirm.

    https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLUoIlP7dBQ1V0PH0DDPDxnuUWFheerGAI

    Honestly, I only made it to like day 9. Like I said, it didn't really become a way of life for me but I do them every once in a while and they help.

    It might be worth noting that the meditations do nothing for me if I would not otherwise be sitting still at that moment. I can't do desk work all day, eat less-than-great, then do a meditation. But if I can get some exercise in (these days that's garage time, mostly, or lifting dumbbells here and there) to the point where I'm tired and ready to sit for a bit, my brain will be in a good place to be directed towards some positivity.

    I'll have to look up modern stoicism. Thanks for the nod.

    In terms of music- yeah, it can be tough to get into it when there's no place to play. But if my brain is in a creative place, limitations often fire the creativity even more. Limitations generally only limit my creative output when there's also something else in the way. That's a YMMV thing, not a hard and fast rule.

    FWIW I don't even have an amp right now. I just play into a Mac with headphones. I'm learning more now than usual because I'm fully aware that this is not my ideal gear so I am not constantly trying to tweak it and make it better. Frees me up to play more.
     
    ukepicker likes this.
  19. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

    Posts:
    46,947
    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2011
    Location:
    Bakersfield
    The dragonfly is in complete control of his life, UNTIL he meets the diesel truck's radiator grill, then he's a traveling man of an entirely different nature. The fleas upon a dog's back, are they in control, or are they but an accessory to the dog? SRV? Well, you know. Control of your own fate is an illusion at best.
     
  20. glenlivet

    glenlivet Tele-Holic

    Posts:
    994
    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2018
    Location:
    Marco.......Polo......
    -- start looking into audio books or podcasts. Nice relaxing ones....Something that you are interested in maybe ??? Use that time as decompression.
    I have a short 15-20 min. drive, I have turned that into my quiet time.
    No radio, no music, no nothing ... just me tooling along in my car ... quietly.
     
    ukepicker likes this.
IMPORTANT: Treat everyone here with respect, no matter how difficult!
No sex, drug, political, religion or hate discussion permitted here.