Butt-hurt (Golf and Personal Woes)

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by Bluesboy3, Apr 23, 2021.

  1. Bluesboy3

    Bluesboy3 Tele-Afflicted

    Age:
    56
    Posts:
    1,344
    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2019
    Location:
    Sacratomato
    You guys ARE like therapists. I need a little therapy right now. I'm getting closer to retirement age. Sometimes I think it can come soon enough. I joined a golf country club. I don't have a proprietary membership but I do have golfing privileges. Any day, most times except the early tee times. Fine with me. I have friends and brothers that also golf. My bros play at a swanky course way above my pay grade. At this point almost everyone I know is better than I am, but I have just recently taken the game back up. I consider golf to be a social game, but I do keep my index so I can play in tournaments. Long story. Sorry.

    I have invited my one buddy several times to play at my CC. Which he has accepted. He is always thankful. He doesn't belong to a CC but has access to any of the public courses. I am only allowed to take the same guest once a month. He has yet to invite me to play at any public course, so if I'm looking for a partner at my course, it can be a tough get.

    This week he invited me to play at a public course an hour away from our home. Fine. We find out the weather is going to be speculative where he booked, so we cancelled. This was not entirely my decision, but he pulled the trigger on the cancellation. I then suggested a couple of other venues. They were both "goat tracks" to him. I find out today he booked a single on the local course. I checked and there were no times available at the same time. I looked at one of the other close local courses. Equal distant from where we both live. Within 18 minutes of the single tee time he had booked. I booked a twosome. I called my buddy and said, hey, I got a twosome at 10:18.... He said, no, he doesn't like that course. So, he'd rather play as a single with strangers than play with me at a course he doesn't like.

    I told my wife, she said, you know Joe, he's weird. Maybe he needs some alone time.

    I honestly don't get it. I know I feel a little (or a lot) sorry for myself. It feels crappy. I don't know.... If you have specific questions, I'll answer, but my preference would be just to listen to what you guys think. I feel weak that it bothers me, but it really does. I should mention this guy is not just an acquaintance. He is one of my best, if not my best, buddy.
     
  2. posttoastie

    posttoastie Friend of Leo's

    Age:
    66
    Posts:
    2,318
    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2020
    Location:
    orange county,ca
    He sounds like a Definitely Maybe type of guy. Does he also show up for the tee time just in time?
     
    Bluesboy3 likes this.
  3. buster poser

    buster poser Friend of Leo's Platinum Supporter

    Posts:
    4,541
    Joined:
    May 1, 2018
    Location:
    Tewa Land NM
    If he’s your best bud, gather yourself a little bit and talk to him or just text and ask what gives. Don’t be passive aggressive and let it turn into something else.

    Not knowing what he thinks, you can turn a lot of stuff over in your head and ascribe motives to him, none of which may be accurate. Right now you’re having a conversation and he’s not involved in it so you’re having to make up his bits. Maybe your wife’s right and he’s just weird.

    Anyhow, Momma Poser always told me “you teach people how to treat you.” I have lines that I don’t let people cross and one of them is being flaky/weird about hanging out; I like to sort those out quickly because I can definitely imagine all sorts of things owing to hurt feelings.

    I say just talk with him.
     
  4. Axegrinder77

    Axegrinder77 Tele-Afflicted Ad Free Member

    Posts:
    1,765
    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2019
    Location:
    Springtown
    Is he a serious golfer? It's possible he's actually prioritizing course over the social aspect.

    Maybe he doesn't like playing with you? Is there a large skill gap? Or perhaps you lack etiquette, which can irritate golfers.

    Or maybe he just doesn't like you?

    Hard to give advice or know what's going on. But I'd suggest you casually reach out to him to make sure you guys are good. Definitely don't get hung up on it. Move along to something or someone else for a while. Let it breathe. Life is short. Too short to sweat stuff like this.

    Sounds like we have at least 3 things in common..

    Guitar, golf, and worrying needlessly about the thoughts and actions of others ;)
     
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2021
  5. 985plowboy

    985plowboy Friend of Leo's

    Posts:
    4,871
    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2012
    Location:
    South Louisiana
    I don’t know dude.
    Rejection is tough at any age.
    I will tell you this, you should not have to kiss anybody’s hind end to get a golf game up.
    I ain’t into begging.
    If your friend ain’t into hanging out with you, leave him be.
    There’s bound to be some other folks to hang around with there at the golf course.
    Get a bucket of balls and go to the driving range. Strike up conversation with new people. See where it leads.
    I don’t play golf but I’d imagine there are a bunch of fellas that do.
    Find them.
     
  6. VonBonfire

    VonBonfire Tele-Meister

    Age:
    100
    Posts:
    275
    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2021
    Location:
    Texas
    Bye, forever.

    This.

    No offense but I hate golf at the core of my being. All golf courses convert to shooting rages, off road vehicle adventure parks, and rehearsal studios in VonBonfire land.
     
    carpenter likes this.
  7. Eeeeeagle

    Eeeeeagle TDPRI Member

    Posts:
    71
    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2020
    Location:
    Nashville
    I can see why you’re irritated. It’s a weird deal.

    Odd question but are you a fast player? I know a lot of folks who enjoy the game but would prefer to get around quickly and hate playing with slow players. When I was playing a lot, I didn’t care if someone wasn’t very good as long as they played quickly. I still struggle with watching pro’s because the pace of play is painfully slow.
     
  8. Harbinger77

    Harbinger77 Tele-Meister

    Age:
    37
    Posts:
    381
    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2021
    Location:
    Boston
    I have good friends I won’t golf with and good golf friends.

    But if you can’t figure out why your best friend is dodging you I’d imagine you ought to talk to him?
     
    Cali Dude and buster poser like this.
  9. Lowerleftcoast

    Lowerleftcoast Friend of Leo's

    Posts:
    4,265
    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2019
    Location:
    california
    Most of the time, I find my wife's opinion on such matters is dead on. Listen to your wife.
     
    Engine Swap and cat dude like this.
  10. sax4blues

    sax4blues Poster Extraordinaire

    Posts:
    5,115
    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2006
    Location:
    Colorado Springs, CO
    I have friends who are weird about courses and prioritize that over relationships. I prioritize friends but to each their own.
     
  11. RLM69

    RLM69 TDPRI Member

    Posts:
    67
    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2015
    Location:
    Colorado
    Here's my situation, I was forced into retirement at the beginning of 2019. Two years ahead of my plan, I was playing golf as a single every chance I got and it didn't bother me to play with complete strangers. Then I got a part-time seasonal job at my local golf course so I could play for free. Now I play golf 3-5 days a week, weather permitting. I play with most of the other employees and Pros and it is hard to decide who to invite when I make tee times. Now here is the kicker, they all expect me to make their tee times for them because I work in the golf shop. I kind of wish I didn't have that on my shoulders, but it is what it is. If I were you, I would just continue to play as much as you can especially if you enjoy it. Play with your friend when the opportunity comes, you will meet new people and then your buddy will be less of a distraction for you. Good luck and hit them long and straight!
     
    Cali Dude likes this.
  12. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Tele Axpert Ad Free Member

    Posts:
    52,366
    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2011
    Location:
    Bakersfield
    I can play golf with guys better than me, and I can play with guys worse than me. I've finally learned to just play my own game, in fact, I usually only look down the fairway when other guys are hitting, because really all I need to know is where the ball went. I don't give or accept golf advice on the course during a round of play. Lots of people don't like playing with someone either better or worse than them because it takes them out of their own game. Maybe you friend is one of those guys. If you're a really bad golfer, maybe you need to work on your game a little so that you don't hold anyone up. I find that like my old golfin' pal Mike once said, miss 'em quick and get the hell on down the fairway. Slow play is a game killer, but it's an absolute today, especially on muni courses.

    I'm waiting right now for a call from my out of town friend, we're supposed to play tomorrow and Sunday, maybe all day. Sometime we play 72 holes on a weekend when he comes over. We have two, sometime three guys who go with us. Even when we play five, we all play pretty quick. I'm not one to take a bunch of practice swings, I just grab a club, see where I want the ball to go, and try and hit there. If I can't hit the ball by now, practice swings ain't gonna help. Take a good honest look at your game, and ask yourself if YOU would want to play with you. If your buddy doesn't work out, join a men's club. You'll be nervous at first playing in a regular group, but soon you'll get into the swing of it.
     
    alpinewhite and Bluesboy3 like this.
  13. chezdeluxe

    chezdeluxe Poster Extraordinaire

    Age:
    71
    Posts:
    9,990
    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2007
    Location:
    Brisbane Australia
    Do nothing.

    Sit back and wait for him to suggest playing.

    Whatever he does there's your answer and you can go from there.
     
  14. Axegrinder77

    Axegrinder77 Tele-Afflicted Ad Free Member

    Posts:
    1,765
    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2019
    Location:
    Springtown
    Seems like a very wise, zen approach.

    I would even suggest not to "wait," but rather to shelve the entire idea of that relationship. If it comes back with some clarity, great. If not, no problem, you've got stuff going on anyways.
     
    Cali Dude likes this.
  15. tfarny

    tfarny Poster Extraordinaire

    Posts:
    5,333
    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2008
    Location:
    Hudson Valley, NY
    Just invite him to do something different with you. If he flakes, he's flaky. If he doesn't, then he just doesn't like golfing with you for whatever reason. PS I hate golf utterly but you're not actually asking a golf question you are asking a friend question.
     
  16. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

    Posts:
    38,073
    Joined:
    May 2, 2003
    Location:
    Wisco
    Have you not heard? "Butt-hurt" has been replaced with "anal-pained"
     
    Bluesboy3 likes this.
  17. S00NERMAN

    S00NERMAN Tele-Meister

    Posts:
    463
    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2016
    Location:
    Pratt,KS
    All golfers are weird. People who wear ridiculous looking clothes and spend big $ to chase a silly little ball around while toting a 60 pound golf bag should really have their heads examined. :cool:
     
    Toto'sDad likes this.
  18. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Tele Axpert Ad Free Member

    Posts:
    52,366
    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2011
    Location:
    Bakersfield
    I used to blow my money on silly looking clothes, and booze and smokes and chasing women around. Not once have I had to ride in a cop car since switching over to golf. :D
     
  19. Axegrinder77

    Axegrinder77 Tele-Afflicted Ad Free Member

    Posts:
    1,765
    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2019
    Location:
    Springtown
    I really wish more people would think golf is terrible. I'd actually be able to get a tee time!

    Tbh, if I played the way 95% of golfers do, I'd probably do something else.

    Funny though, I don't apply that logic to my mediocre guitar playing!
     
    howardlo, Toto'sDad and Bluesboy3 like this.
  20. Bluesboy3

    Bluesboy3 Tele-Afflicted

    Age:
    56
    Posts:
    1,344
    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2019
    Location:
    Sacratomato
    There are a few guys at my club that sort of remind me of you. I'm going to introduce myself and see what happens..
     
IMPORTANT: Treat everyone here with respect, no matter how difficult!
No sex, drug, political, religion or hate discussion permitted here.