Bummer, more aging parent problems.

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by imwjl, Feb 16, 2020.

  1. imwjl

    imwjl Poster Extraordinaire

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    Not long after recovering from a rough time, my mother took a bad fall last night. She's got broken nose, teeth, cut up face and a brain bleed. She's stable right now but they say the brain bleed is very serious and why she was transferred to the university hospital.

    We complain about health care and some about iPhones, but I understand Siri called 911. The small town hospital did a good job but identified the risk and transferred her to the university hospital known for the most resources and talent.

    To put some humor on it, my nephew didn't have to see her on the job. He works at same hospital on a weekends team that does the most challenging or risky surgeries.
     
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  2. Lefty Addams

    Lefty Addams Tele-Afflicted

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    Geez she did take a fall. Best wishes she makes a good recovery.
     
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  3. KevinB

    KevinB Doctor of Teleocity

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    I’ve been through something very similar with my mom.

    Best wishes to her for a fast and full recovery.
     
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  4. schmee

    schmee Poster Extraordinaire Silver Supporter

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    Geez, sorry man. Yeah falls are bad for old people. I'm trying to get myself to slow down and pay attention. My wife fell down one step onto the grass last year and broke both bones above her ankle! One step...?
     
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  5. Obsessed

    Obsessed Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Ouch. Yup, when my dad fell and punctured a lung and dislocated his shoulder, they put in a pacemaker a couple days later. Took him years to recover, but now at age 90 (along with a new heart valve) he is doing pretty well. My sister moved in after my mom passed, so I know that it is not easy for both parties involved.

    Best wishes to your mom.
     
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  6. getbent

    getbent Telefied Silver Supporter

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    terrible news! MIL had a similar fall a couple of weeks ago... got out of the hospital, then had to go back in last week, she got out yesterday... staying with us now... I scored a SWEET wheelchair on Craigslist and she is able to scoot around the house... She is a pretty depressing person anyway, this just amplifies that... but, we are just kind of rolling with it... We HAD huge plans for this weekend which we jettisoned early last week... Hope your situation improves (I never know what that actually looks like) but, hang in there.. it is the option.
     
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  7. geoff_in_nc

    geoff_in_nc Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

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    Wow... That must've been some fall. I feel for you and her.

    Counting myself (and my 88 year old dad) lucky so far.
     
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  8. PhredE

    PhredE Tele-Meister

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    Experienced something almost identical about 5 years ago. It turned me in to a professional caregiver. Godspeed to you, your mom and the rest of the family.

    I have a lot I could add here, but I will just reduce it to this: in the times I was dealing with elder parent care issues and related, at some point I've had random conversations with doctors, nurses, phys. therapists, security guards, other patients/family in waiting areas, etc.. and eventually, a certain topic comes up: the role of the caregiver (with respect to the current situation). Invariably, someone says: a). 'Oh, yeah, someone I know had this happen too, etc.' (you will hear many similar experiences this way) , and, b). in every family there is one sibling (emphasis on ONE!) who steps up and assumes the responsibility and sacrifice to ensure their family member is cared for.
    Apparently, you are 'the one' -- much respect and best wishes to you.

    The most difficult time will be the immediate release from the hospital. Whoever assumes the role to care for her will be on duty 24/7 for some time -- so, try to coordinate with as many other family and in-home nurses, rehab people, to adequately cover for her -- in other words, get help!
    Also, you'll get peppered with requirements for safety/adaptive equipment and the like: wheelchair/walkers, modifying shower/tub, having shower transfer bench, they will want to know that clothes, food, hygiene will be taken care of adequately, etc. Be prepared for that.

    My mom had a SH (subdural hematoma eg; 'brain bleed') as a result of a fall, and would have died for certain if she did not have an emergency neuro surgery. Fortunately, the surgeon did a top notch job, and after 1 week in ICU, 1 week intensive inpatient, 4 weeks of inpatient rehab stay, and many, many following therapies/doctor visits, etc, ..I am happy to report she recovered about 95% of her previous abilities. We consider that a miracle in her particular case.
     
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  9. telemnemonics

    telemnemonics Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    Oh that sounds awful, sorry to hear it.
    My Mother had a UTI resulting in a similar fall after which she looked like a barroom brawler who had lost badly.
    Two black eyes, chipped teeth and arm in a sling.
    In hospital for a while as much as anything just so she wouldn't get up and walk without assistance which she generally refused.
    My wife and I had moved in to a part of her house at the time, and I did not get a good nights sleep for a couple of years, trying to monitor and mitigate accidents. Some included house fires and fires in her car before she stopped driving.

    Her psych doc who prescribed for dementia and depression soon told me it was time for her to go in a locked facility with 24 hour care.
    When exactly we choose that solution is a tough call, extend length of life or maintain quality of life, assuming the elder still finds some enjoyment in their home situation.
    We really put her and ourselves in danger running that as long as possible, but on her last day alive she went for a ride, spent some time at the library, and I washed her hair.
    Then she was gone.

    I don't recommend pushing the at home under duress plan too long...
     
  10. stratoman1

    stratoman1 Friend of Leo's

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    Glad she's getting cared for. Hopefully she makes a full recovery

    My mom was a bit hard headed. Somewhere around age 80 she fell about 5 steps. Come to find out she cracked a neck vertebra, shoulder blade, ribs and hip

    That was on a weekend, not sure what day. So I stopped by on a Monday and she's in Dad's chair so I knew something was up. After I got the stair story i told her to go to the hospital. Oh no, she had an appointment on Thursday with her primary Dr

    Great, I see how this is heading. I stop in Tuesday, it's worse now. She has COPD so she's always coughing stuff up anyway. Well now she can't because it hurts too much. I can hear her lungs filling up . Mom, go to the hospital. Oh no, got an appointment Thursday.. Dad and I cannot get her to budge here

    Thursday rolls around. She goes to her Dr for whatever it was about. That freaking clown sent her back home. By now she can barely breathe. She actually gave in and let Dad call the rescue squad. She got into the hospital just in time. Dr there told us she would have died in about 2 more hours due to fluid build up

    Moral of the story is this. Aging parents can be a major challenge. But we owe it to them to see it through. Best wishes for you guys
     
    Last edited: Feb 17, 2020
  11. Stubee

    Stubee Doctor of Teleocity Gold Supporter

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    Those falls are usually very tough for the elderly and that sounds like a nasty one. I wish her a good recovery.
     
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  12. stratoman1

    stratoman1 Friend of Leo's

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    That hurts. We had to put Dad in a memory center but it was literally killing my 85 pound Mom who was also in her 80s trying to care for him. He had Alzheimer's, I'll leave out the details

    At first it can feel like you've somehow failed but these places have come a long way since I was a kid, I'm almost 60 now

    Mom actually wanted to go an assisted living place. Hers was pretty nice really. She didn't need a lot of care, minimal level but she was around people which she really enjoyed and she was still right here in town so we could see her whenever we wanted
     
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  13. KevinB

    KevinB Doctor of Teleocity

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    My 82-year old mother fell down the stairs in her house back in England. She managed to crawl to the phone and summon her neighbor who called for an ambulance. The neighbor phoned me and I was on the next flight out of New York. When I got to the hospital she was in great spirits but her face was a mess with a lot of bruising and stitches. Luckily the only bones she broke were in her right hand pinky and ring fingers.

    When I first saw her all she could say to me was "you should see the other fella!" :rolleyes:
     
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  14. EsquireBoy

    EsquireBoy Tele-Afflicted

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    I am truly sorry for your mom, and I wish her a complete recovery.

    Some years ago my mom, who lives alone, woke up at night and fell down the stairs. She badly broke her wrist, and it took her half an hour to crawl to her telephone. I can hardly imagine how scary it must have been for her, with all the pain in the dark.

    She is 71 and without any health issue, but living alone can be hard on anybody sometimes.
     
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  15. MarkieMark

    MarkieMark Tele-Holic

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    Condolences, that is hard.

    i am curious about the details of the "siri called 911" details. Did the phone respond and ask if she needed help? Etc.
     
  16. JL_LI

    JL_LI Friend of Leo's

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    Hi imwjl. My parents and my wife’s parents are gone now. I’ve been through crises and accidents with all of them. They recovered to some degree but didn’t get better. I can offer a shoulder and a prayer and I can tell you you’ll get through it. I can’t offer much in the way of encouragement. There came a time when we could see them becomming debilitated faster than they recovered, except for my father who took a nap he didn’t wake up from. It’s always hard to accept that this is what happens as we live longer. My biggest fear is that my wife or I will put our kids through such an ordeal but it’s not a choice we’re given. I’m sorry to hear of your struggle.
     
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  17. Greggorios

    Greggorios Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

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    So sorry to hear about her fall. She's lucky to have you and her family to look after her. So many are all alone.
     
  18. Recce

    Recce Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

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    Condolences it is a very hard situation and wish you the best.

    Both my parents and my wife’s parents have passed on so my wife and I will be the next ones causing these problems with our Son and Daughter. I don’t think that should be for another twenty years. I hope not to be a problem.
     
  19. tap4154

    tap4154 Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    Very sorry to hear this, and hang in there. Like so many others here, I've been through this with both parents as well, and was THE one to take care of Mom as she declined after Dad passed (my sister lives an hour away, but really didn't help much at all). Eventually we got live-in care at home, part time, and sometimes 24/7, for the last 3 years of her life, then after numerous issues back and forth to the hospital, she had a major stroke one night. They thought she might last a few days, but she came home after a week when she could finally swallow soft food (she did not want a feeding tube, and had documented that previously) and I set her hospital bed in the living room, again with the 24-7 care, and she made it another 5 months. Unable to speak but a few words, she spoke gibberish, but if she really tried could get a few words out, but she could understand us, and she was comfortable. Just do the very best you can, and make sure to take care of yourself along the way.

    BTW if she needs a hospital bed at home, insist on a "low air-loss mattress". They may balk and just give you a regular mattress with an inflatable "topper", but you can buy good one on Amazon for $320. Makes a world of difference when the person is in bed all or most of day. She never got a bed sore in all that time because of it, and being turned at regular intervals.

    This is the one I bought, when Kaiser refused to supply one. They have a budget criteria that they only supply one AFTER the patient has bed sores, if you can believe that nonsense.

    https://www.amazon.com/dp/B002VWKO9W/?tag=tdpri-20
     
  20. DrPepper

    DrPepper Friend of Leo's

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    Don't this belong in the "old meat" thread?


    Hope your mother gets well quick...
     
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