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Beware Of Deer!!

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by boneyguy, Oct 28, 2020.

  1. boneyguy

    boneyguy Doctor of Teleocity

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    I found this on Facebook and though I'd share because it's pretty funny.

    We have a deer problem in our city....there's lots of them running around in densely populated residential areas. I've always maintained that they should be culled and the meat used to feed the homeless and poor people, of which we have many. My main reason for thinking culling is a good idea is highlighted by the story below. Sooner or later someone in this city is going to get very badly injured or killed by 'Bambi'.


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    "I had this idea that I could rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

    I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it. After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up-- 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold.

    The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it, it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope, and then received an education. The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope.
    That deer EXPLODED. The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity. A deer-- no Chance. That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined. The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.
    A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.

    I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual. Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in. I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before hand...kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.

    Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when ..... I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and slide off to then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head--almost like a big dog. They bite HARD and it hurts.

    The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective.
    It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now), tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.

    That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.
    Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp... I learned a long time ago that, when an animal -like a horse --strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.

    This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run. The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

    Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.
    I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away. So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope......to sort of even the odds!!

    All these events are true so help me God...An Educated Farmer"
     
    Rowdyman, studio1087, rand z and 11 others like this.
  2. bcorig

    bcorig Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

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    Obviously, there are some parts of Canada that still are Stand Your Ground and this deer was aware. In California, that deer would have been arrested for battering the person battering it.
     
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  3. Willie Johnson

    Willie Johnson Tele-Meister

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    I came withing about 5 feet of getting trampled by a buck while cross country skiing in the Indiana Dunes one time. He came skidding to a halt while cresting a hill above the trail I was on, snorted at me, and took off running in the opposite direction.
     
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  4. 985plowboy

    985plowboy Friend of Leo's

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    Seems like it has been eating high quality feed for a while right along with the cattle.
    Why bother to feed it out on corn at all.
    I do believe it was ready to go as is.
     
  5. LAPlayer

    LAPlayer Tele-Meister

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    I’m guessing the deer were there before the people. Everyone just needs to be careful around wildlife.
     
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  6. RodeoTex

    RodeoTex Doctor of Teleocity

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    I just spent about 30 minutes typing out why not to ever rope a deer but that's a different story...
     
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  7. RhinestoneStrat

    RhinestoneStrat Tele-Meister

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    I guess the easy & best solution is to put up more signs.:)

    [​IMG]
     
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  8. Torren61

    Torren61 Poster Extraordinaire Gold Supporter

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    Also, Beware of Darkness

     
  9. swervinbob

    swervinbob Tele-Holic

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    I have two freezers ready for this problem.
     
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  10. Buckaroo65

    Buckaroo65 Tele-Meister

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    That kind of reminds me of when i was about 8 and my uncle out in Oklahoma taught me how to throw a lasso...
     
  11. hemingway

    hemingway Poster Extraordinaire

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    Venison. Meh.
     
  12. 1293

    1293 Poster Extraordinaire

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    It makes the best chili. I'm just not interested in dragging a deer out of the woods and butchering it anymore.
     
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  13. glenlivet

    glenlivet Tele-Holic

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    Tru Dat.
     
  14. hemingway

    hemingway Poster Extraordinaire

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    My cousin just waits till they come into his garden then shoots them. There are more than he could ever eat. I used to have a freezer full of venison and I never even liked the stuff.
     
  15. stxrus

    stxrus Poster Extraordinaire

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    Whether it's a true story or a fabrication I can see it going on in my mind. I would love to have been a fly on the hood of his truck just to observe this event
     
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  16. Henry Mars

    Henry Mars Tele-Afflicted

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    We have more deer in Bucks County than people ... that is the way it looks anyway. Even in parts of Philly there are deer hanging out. All of these deer are well fed and look delicious. Unfortunately like the the damn geese we are not allowed to thin them out. You can't drive a half mile without a deer carcass lying on the side of the road. There are a lot of families around here that could use the protein. I'm serious.
     
  17. Obsessed

    Obsessed Telefied Silver Supporter

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    We have whitetails and muleys locally and the muleys migrate to town just before hunting season. Nature can adapt pretty well.

    PSA: Beware during your local rut season as this is when the young ones are on their own for the first time. They get slaughtered by vehicle collisions up here along the highways.
     
  18. 1293

    1293 Poster Extraordinaire

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    I have dogs. They're pretty good at keeping game off my property.
     
  19. johnny k

    johnny k Poster Extraordinaire

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    [​IMG]

    edit that was a funny story. I love the way it is written. But tying a rope around your waist and then on a deer ? I mean this could work with a shark, or a whale, but a deer no way.
     
  20. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

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    :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: For real!
     
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