Best quick come back line:

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by Toto'sDad, Apr 11, 2016.

  1. chezdeluxe

    chezdeluxe Poster Extraordinaire

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    I can't remember the Hollywood personalities involved but this exchange occurred at the launch of an actress autobiography.

    "Interesting book. Who wrote it for you?"

    "Well I wrote it. Who read it to you?"
     
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  2. nvilletele

    nvilletele Friend of Leo's

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    Here's a reverse of the best quick comeback line . . . An attempted comeback of sorts turns out to be the worst possible thing to say . . . . .

    For some odd, unknown reason, my brother used to use the expression "Like fish!" to express a contrary opinion. Kind of similar to the sentiment in "Like Hell I will!" when expressing a rejection of a request or suggestion.

    So one day I commented on his truly excessively smelly feet . . . My brother took offense and tried to counter my statement so he responded "My feet smell, like fish!"

    I couldn't help but completely agree with him.
     
  3. Paul in Colorado

    Paul in Colorado Telefied Ad Free Member

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    My friend Thom was dating a woman in a sorority. While he and I and another friend, Dave, were waiting for her one of her "sisters" came down the stairs with blue shorts and her hair in pigtails tied up in matching blue ribbons. For some reason it made Thom laugh and he said something like "Oh, that's cute." She got indignant and said, "That's no way to talk!" And without skipping a beat, Dave says, "Well, that's no way to look!"
     
  4. Fenderflame

    Fenderflame Tele-Holic

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    I have two that I rarely have the presence of mind or courage to use:

    1, when a stranger starts talking to you and then says 'Oh, sorry, I thought you were somebody else' I like to reply 'it appears that I am'

    2, when a waiter or someone at a checkout says 'sorry about the wait' when I finally get served I'm always tempted to reply 'well, you're not that fat'
     
  5. overlock

    overlock Tele-Afflicted

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    There are schools on this side of the pond where a crack like that could leave you looking for a new job, if not a whole new profession. I truly wish that was an exaggeration.
     
  6. RoyBGood

    RoyBGood Doctor of Teleocity

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    I was once at a gathering of friends and one particularly opinionated woman was talking about a recent shipping disaster in the news and said 'they should've designed the ship with separate watertight compartments below the waterline'.

    '...Just like the ones the Titanic had.' I retorted.



    What a great thread!
     
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2016
  7. overlock

    overlock Tele-Afflicted

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    Apparently this exchange was actually a bit of banter between two academics, Liz Carpenter and Arthur Schlesinger. The Hollywood connection was invented for the purposes of a sociological experiment to test people's perceptions of male and female humour.

    It always reminds me of the story, possibly apocryphal, about the very grand lady Margot Asquith. Her name was, as any fule kno, pronounced "Margo", but the actress Jean Harlow insisted on calling her "Margott". Her ladyship's riposte: "The t is silent, as in Harlow."
     
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  8. simond

    simond Tele-Meister

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    My son walked into the kitchen and lifted the lid of a large saucepan bubbling on the cooker.
    "What's this?"
    "It's bean soup."
    Peers at it again.
    "What is it now?"
     
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  9. kelnet

    kelnet Telefied Ad Free Member

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    My brother was always misplacing stuff - glasses, keys, wallet, beer glass, and so on.
    One day, as he's looking for his keys, he says to me in all seriousness, "Why can I never find my keys?"
    Me: "Because you're an idiot?"

    He moved out soon after that.
     
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  10. stratofortress

    stratofortress Tele-Afflicted

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    Well when in doubt you can always rely on the old reliable

    Your Mama!!!!
     
  11. src9000

    src9000 Poster Extraordinaire

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    Like fish!
     
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  12. Jeff_K

    Jeff_K Friend of Leo's

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    My wife was sitting across from me one night, our Labrador lounging somewhere nearby, and my wife said "I wish you loved me half as much as that dog." I said "Honey, I do love you half as much as that dog."

    My second wife really enjoys that story.
     
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  13. memorex

    memorex Friend of Leo's

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    McDonald's server: "Is that to eat here or take out?"
    Me: "With any luck, I'll do both."
     
  14. nvilletele

    nvilletele Friend of Leo's

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    Scott, are you back from the dead? (or is that a more popular expression than I ever realized?)
     
  15. src9000

    src9000 Poster Extraordinaire

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    No, it's just me, steve.

    For some reason your story is resonated with me.
    I was a clown, who was always surrounded by wiseguys.


    Edit: If you haven't noticed, in many ways, I'm still that kid.
     
  16. Harry Styron

    Harry Styron Tele-Afflicted Silver Supporter

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    At the time, our three sons were small and money was scant. Richard, our 4-year old, fell against a retaining wall, which somehow left a nasty cut in the back on his head. Richard lay facedown on the table and quietly suffered through the doctor cleaning the wound and injecting anesthesia prior to suturing the cut.

    The doctor said, "I need to give him a tetanus shot, unless he has had one in the past year."

    Richard, still facedown, responded firmly, "We can't afford it."
     
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  17. RoyBGood

    RoyBGood Doctor of Teleocity

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    A classmate once had to break up one of many squabbles between two regular sparring partners;

    'Oh why don't you two shut up for five minutes!'

    'It's his fault - every time I open my mouth he jumps down it.'

    'Well it's big enough!'
     
  18. Tim Bowen

    Tim Bowen Poster Extraordinaire

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    There's a few that I don't remember hearing anyone else say before I did, although I doubt I was the first to utter such.


    Host: "It's nice to have you."

    Me:
    "Thanks, it's nice to be had."

    -------------------------------------

    Ex-wife: "Honey, do these jeans make my butt look big?"

    Me: "No sweetheart, your butt makes your butt look big."

    -----------------------------------------------------

    Me
    (as referencing the classic Saturday Night Live skit with Jane Curtin & Dan Akroyd):
    "Kirsten, you ignorant slut."

    Ex-girlfriend: "I am not ignorant."

    --------------------------------------

    My friend Bill (as referencing the South Park character): "Timmahhhhhh!!!!!!"

    Me: "Blahhhhhh!!!!!!"

     
  19. skippolony

    skippolony Tele-Meister

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    I was leaving the local newsagents and as I normally do held the door for an elderly man
    who just walked past me without a word. I said EXCUSE ME and he replied I didn't say
    anything to which I replied oh sorry I thought you said thank you. He looked pretty
    flustered. Cant stand bad manners :mad:
     
  20. Frank'n'censed

    Frank'n'censed Doctor of Teleocity

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    "How convenient", has served me well, especially in business-like settings. During mediation, I once said this to a professional weasel, "you're about as honest as a lawyer can be...". His expression was almost worth the price of submission...
     
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