I have to share the ultimate example of placing one's foot in his arse like that.I used to suggest they looked good, and must have lost some weight.
I said that to someone who had recently been diagnosed with cancer (I did not know it, and it was Stage 3 or 4 by then) and had to apologize because he had lost weight (but not in a good way). Silence is such a great option, so much of the time.
This is totally unrelated, but I read today that if you create a composite of multiple faces, viewers of the resulting image rate it significantly higher than any of the originals as more attractive, trustworthy, and generally revered. I had to check that out for myself (we form a ton of our impressions of people subconsciously at first glance, and that sticks). Jeez, it seems true, however off it seems. So, just mention these studies and say "wow, you look very average since I last saw you".Like
“whoa Charlie ! Lotta snow on the roof these days !”
“You haven’t missed many meals !”
“Wow - I guess we’re all getting old huh ?”
Stuff like that.
This is just a virtue signaling thread.
Because I never do that. (I actually don’t )
And the only reason I never do it is because I hate it when it’s done to me.
Raised in a family of nine and when you walked into a room that a whole bunch of them were in, you had your knives out because you knew there were some appearance zingers heading your way from one of them - if not three.
I’ve always thought it was lack of self-confidence on their part or feeling insecure somehow?
I think it’s totally different if we’re talking about ragging on buddies at band practice when you see them at least once a week.
But the other thing - ugh.
An old friend of mine who is most famous for it has thick black hair that has not changed in 40 years whereas mine has gotten whiter and thinner so he always leads with that where am I am at a disadvantage because his appearance is mainly the same but - I do know his liver and lungs do not bear any resemblance to 45 years ago.
But I can’t say that, can I ?
No, I rarely make any comment other than “yer looking good!” but my 97 YO FIL sure does. He’s always been one to make outlandish comments to family members such as “how much do you weigh now, anyway??” to a daughter who’d put on some weight. Now hard of hearing & with short term memory waning he shares comments very loudly on strangers, such as “well, she sure is large!” regarding a waitress as she steps away from the table.
The family is often embarrassed.
That might be true for many, but trust me, it isn't true for military, police, fire, EMT's, etc. If I ran into a member of those groups and received a compliment, I would be shocked and disappointed.I've always loathed meanness disguised as 'good natured ribbing' or 'friendly banter'. So many people try to excuse poor behavior with "I was just joking around." But rude is rude. Even in my younger days in friend groups where this was common I never did it.
Not to mention a lot of times when someone appears cool with the ribbing, deep down they actually aren't. I just had to have this discussion with my oldest daughter. Sometimes people laugh along because they don't want to get humiliated further, or they simply don't know how else to respond. Just because someone laughs at your mean comment at their expense doesn't mean it's a free pass to make fun of them. Sad how many grownups don't seem to grasp that concept.