Band Troubles... am I crazy?

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by dragonfly66, May 19, 2019.

  1. beagle

    beagle Friend of Leo's

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    Why are you still there? You need to quit, it's obviously not good for you to stay. They'll probably never even notice you're gone...
     
  2. viking

    viking Friend of Leo's

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    You don't fit in , they already decided that
    They also talk about this when you are not around , I'm sure......When they bring it up as a potential problem that often , they see this as a problem
    Doesn't matter who is wrong or right , the match isn't there , IMO.
     
  3. dragonfly66

    dragonfly66 Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

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    So it seems we have a consensus that I should leave the band, but for very different reasons...

    • I don't fit - my opinion, choices, and hearing are not respected by my band members and likely will never be.
    • I'm incompatible with the rock band because I'm unwilling to accept the noise level.

    :eek:

    Only one gentleman said I shouldn't quit the band over this.
     
    Last edited: May 20, 2019
  4. dragonfly66

    dragonfly66 Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

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    This should be the end of the thread right here. You summed it up perfectly @viking.
     
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  5. jhundt

    jhundt Doctor of Teleocity

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    That should give you a clue, then!

    the two 'very different reasons' you have described do not sound very different to me. You don't fit... that's neither good nor bad, and I am not judging you. It's just true. You don't fit. You want all the other guys to adjust to you; they all want you to adjust to them. It's never going to work.

    Problem named, discussed, and solved.
     
  6. Ron R

    Ron R Friend of Leo's

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    All of this sounds like a poor fit that is just going to end in frustration for all concerned.
    I know for me personally, if practice and gigs were not fun, I'd be making my exit.
    And this is just another tale that makes me appreciate my bandmates even more.
    Best of luck to you, no matter which path you choose.
     
  7. Gene O.

    Gene O. Tele-Holic

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    Amen, bruthuh!!!
     
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  8. Wrighty

    Wrighty Tele-Afflicted

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    They’re just soooooo stupid but..............Just for a moment, put yourself in their place. They’ve got a band, getting gigs and playing what they want how they want. Then, this new rhythm guitarist comes along and starts telling them they’re too loud, need to accommodate his in ear monitoring doo dahs and offers them advice on, (as they see it), everything. I would suggest that they are collectively a little put out, possibly because this new guy obviously knows his stuff. A resentment builds up, things get sticky. Whichever way it goes, I think the best thing you can do is as others have said, do the gig and leave, telling them that that is your intention before the gig. You’ll save your own hearing, soon get to play in an outfit you enjoy being with and, in the fullness of time, might even save the rest of them from themselves. I think the polite term is to ‘split over musical differences’!
     
    Last edited: May 20, 2019
  9. Mad Kiwi

    Mad Kiwi Friend of Leo's

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    Can you ask the guys playing through Amps to point the amps at themselves during practice?

    its easy to see pointing your amps at the audience in a gig is necessary but at a practice there is no reason not to.

    This was a big fix for our loud practices.

    Part of the problem for me here is you come across a little bit as "your way or the highway". If you do the same to them I can see the problem. Long emails when your new to the band, going your own way with IEM's etc. Perhaps you pushed too hard to soon and they just got their backs up?

    You, apparently, have plenty of evidence on the too loud side...audience, sound guys and yourself. If that were true, I just cant fathom how a mature, reasonable, sensible, logical conversation with them wouldn't achieve at least a compromise. The fact that it hasn't says plenty about them but I fear to say, some about you too...

    Thats the problem with a forum, you'll get advice from both (all) sides of the discussion :)
     
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  10. rz350

    rz350 Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

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    Demagnetize the bass players pickups so the output is about 10% of their current output... ;)
     
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  11. Junkyard Dog

    Junkyard Dog Tele-Afflicted

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    Nothing. And no, you're NOT crazy about wanting to protect your hearing.

    I don't know the technical details behind IEMs, i.e. how to set them up, etc., but I have played in some situations where musicians wanted to use their IEMs in a band that otherwise did not. It has never been a problem, takes them no longer to set up than anybody else, and causes no issues during the performance.

    The rest of the band is obviously WAY too loud. Some musicians (or maybe just call them "owners of musical equipment") just demand to play at bone crushing volume levels and will not even consider anything else. That is the worst. You can quit this band and feel good about it being a reasonable decision. They may well flip out on you about it...let's hope not.
     
    Last edited: May 20, 2019
  12. dragonfly66

    dragonfly66 Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

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    It is good to have a mirror. If I'm coming across as "my way or the highway" then it has to be a little true.

    It is funny how you characterize my use of IEMs to protect my hearing and to hear myself clearly as "going your own way" and pushy. This is what I'm dealing with in my band I guess, that somehow my remedy of IEMs is somehow anti band and their accomodation of me is allowing me to use the IEMs?. Please explain this thinking to me. Why can't they just be supportive? Why do they think this is a big deal? What am I missing?

    I'm the one making changes to accommodate the levels. And I'm fine with the remedy. I setup my own gear and I'm the only one having to wear them. One audio cable, one power cable. 3 minutes tops to plug everything in and to sync my receiver to the transmitter. At this gig, if there is an aux for me then I'll spend maybe 3 more minutes doing a quick mix of the 6 inputs we use 3 (vocals) and 3(guitars/bass).

    Both the lead player and I are new to this band. I was in for months before he came. The bass player and drummer have been in the band forever. The long email was in response to the band saying we've got to get faster at setting up for the gig. The email was not some out-of-the-blue tirad, it was a thoughtful response to a problem the band said it had. I thought I was being a good band mate by actually thinking about ways to solve the problem. I was trying to contribute. How soon is too soon to feel comfortable to contribute to your band? It is apparent, they are not interested in my suggestions regardless of the topic because my suggestions are either ignored or dismissed.

    Saying everything out loud on this forum has made it apparent that I'm not meshing with this band and it is time to go.
     
  13. dragonfly66

    dragonfly66 Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

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    Except I'm not new to the band. The bass player and the drummer have been together for years and they have formed and reformed this band over the years. So I was with the band at the beginning of this new formation over a year ago.

    But I'm getting out, we'll be be the better for it I think. Telling them this week at practice that I'm out after the gig, which is on June 5th.
     
  14. Bergy

    Bergy Tele-Holic

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    I had a country band rehearsing in my basement for a while and the drummer was so loud I considered it a health hazard for the entire band. I covered all the walls in moving blankets including the ceiling and it was still way too loud. He actually acted insulted that I mentioned his heavy handedness. For some dumb reason was proud of playing poorly but loudly. I evicted them quickly and haven’t once regretted it.

    The drummer sets the overall volume levels of the band and if he subscribes to the motto “if it’s too loud, you’re too old” you are gonna have problems with sound levels.

    Most of the folks I know who scoff at preserving their hearing are edgy amateur rock musicians. Tinnitus and deafness are not some sort of cool musical battlewounds to seek. Tinnitus is actually one of the more psychologically distressing chronic issues you can have behind chronic nausea and chronic pain.

    The few times I have used IEMs, I’ve noticed they are usually the last things to get dialed in during soundcheck and sometimes for that reason people don’t take the time to set them up properly (they run out of time). I think that might contribute to view that they are a bit of a PITA. One of my vocalists just got an IEM system this last week. It didn’t take that long to set it up and he loved it. It was literally adding one single cable to the board. That ain’t rocket science! Lots of the vocalists, in particular, I’ve played with really like em.
     
  15. Mad Kiwi

    Mad Kiwi Friend of Leo's

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    I suspect they see it as you going your own way, because on a sound level you are, its not in question.

    They likely also see it as additional complication to the setup....probably worried that the next step will be for them to do the same. Fearful of change, fearful that you are in your own world and they don't fully understand the concept (they are older, maybe change and/or technology isn't their strong points?)

    I just can't see how that if you talk to them, explain it is a situation that you cant cope with, its not you its me sort of deal (soften the blow) but that you would have to leave if they can't get the overall noise level down. IF as you say the band have had complaints before it should be an easy conversation WHEN presented right.

    Presentation and a well thought out, non confrontational approach can go a long way. Also, getting one other person onside would also help considerably. Band member or at a last resort respected fan, family member, friend etc.
     
  16. FenderGyrl

    FenderGyrl Friend of Leo's

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    Yeah,
    I left for awhile after Jakedog left. But I'm back now.
    ;)
     
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  17. StillPlaying

    StillPlaying TDPRI Member

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    I used to be "that guy" who played too loud.
    In the last band , the resolve was to turn the amp backward, getting the same tones of a loud amp. Currently, (since now having various amps/wattages to choose from), went from half stack to lower wattage combo and still getting the desired tones.
    Another option would be to juice the monitors for the players that desire it.
     
  18. Steve 78

    Steve 78 Friend of Leo's

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    Wow, that'll get the rumors flying! :D
     
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  19. Endless Mike

    Endless Mike Friend of Leo's

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    Even with bands that play at reasonable volume levels, I STILL use my custom fitted ear plugs. Once I became used to using them, I noticed that I could hear everything better. The definition improved, and all frequencies were generally more balanced. I can't speak to in ear monitors, but custom fitted plugs have been a dog send.
     
  20. Cysquatch

    Cysquatch Tele-Meister

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    Have these guys trotted out any of the worn out "real musicians don't need in-ears to hear the band, etc" kind of trash? Because at this point it just sounds like some kind of either a) monitor elitism you see from "purists"occasionally or b) have some kind "if it's too loud you're too old" mentality going on.

    Either way, if this isn't all they're complaining about and being dismissive of your ideas, even logistically already, I'd say you've not found a good mix. Or even a half-decent band.
     
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