Separate names with a comma.
Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by Togman, Feb 11, 2021.
Me to. As long as he gets his treats and walks he doesn’t care about my luxury purchases.
My wife would spend more that I would.
When I got my Mustang III, she asked if that is what I really wanted. I said "I wanted the Deluxe Reverb, but then I would need a pedal or two, and this is close enough and $1000 cheaper." She told me I should have gotten the DR - I just could not justify the expense.
And yes - she pays the bills, and we discuss all money going in and out.
I was just talking with my wife about the concept of being honest.
Many many (many) families hide secret shames, and teach the kids by example that the truth is only brought out for punishment.
(Never mind and/ or related to the belief systems where shame is simply presumed and taught)
Now if you're an adult keeping secrets about specific shameful things, you understand that honesty is OK at times, but for the child growing up in that environment, because they don't know what the secrets are, and blunder into forbidden rooms, those children grow up with the sense that honesty is literally to be avoided, honesty is harmful, honesty brings pain and punishment.
Med/ psych science finds that children are damaged in a variety of ways including having their learning ability compromised by the fear of asking questions in the home.
Take a look at the numbers joining the me too movement, etc, then reverse engineer those numbers into all the children who grew up in families where secrecy due to covered up stuff that half of those present knew about.
That puts a lot of husbands and wives in the group that learned the truth will get you a beating at an early age.
Med/ psych again, finds that programming from the early formative years is deeply ingrained and doesn't just go away when we choose a mate based on something along the lines of presumed mutual trust.
Mix in all the folks who insist that every member of the opposite sex is untrustworthy and crazy, we might accept that "deeper problems" are more the norm than the exception!
We even see many men read some of us tell tales of our happily married for 30-40-50 years and react as if the happily married were trying to hurt the unhappily divorced.
I'm not in either group, married but it's hard and no fairy tale.
My family was too truthful, and my wife's family was deep in the secrets, going back generations and added to as recently as this month.
We struggle though it and try to focus on how we are allies in mutual love and support.
My wife and I have a "don't ask/don't tell" arrangement when it comes to the cost of our hobbies. As long as the bills are paid, what we spend is our own business. Years ago she did question me when I bought four guitars in the span of two weeks, but then I explained to her that I was flipping them, and doing fairly well at it. She then said if I ever needed a little extra cash to make a deal happen, to let her know. I've never taken her up on it, but it's good to know she trusts my instincts.
This is an odd position to take on a discussion forum.
Be careful about asking this question- someday, you're liable to get an answer.
If the purchase or amount are issues then there’s a bigger problem somewhere.
Historically, it has depended on the partner. How reasonably they respond to information (of any kind).
Not something I've had to worry about for a long time. Easy to be honest now.
Only when asked.
I told my wife , when we moved in together 36 years ago that I would never lie to her...
Im not starting now
esp. if you allow some minor rounding...
Yes, my good lady actually encourages me to have what I want, she is a good at making me get stuff I am nor bothered about.
Never any issue, as it's the money we make from gigging that pays for all of our gear ...
I am honest to the point that there was a price. Everything after that is subject to interpretation.
"How was your day dear?"
"Pretty nice, a teenage grocery cashier girl flirted with me".
Honesty is the best policy.
Honesty without compassion though?
...this is not a comment about gear finances, more a comment on judging others marriages...
You make a profit playing music???
It's why I continue to buy gear without fear.
GEAR WITHOUT FEAR
Make it a bumper sticker.
Not on things I've bought, but I have fudged the numbers on things I've sold, when she knows how much it cost, or how much work/time I put into it.
i see on other groups/fora that people hide their purchases from their significant other. what kind of relationship is that? my wife purchases whatever she wants and i do the same. obviously we have to ensure that the bills are paid but otherwise, buy what you want. i have 30+ guitars and amps and she has a ton of handbags, clothes and shoes.
AT OUR HOUSE THE HER CLOTHING AND SHOE BUDGET, AND THERE IS MY BUDGET FOR GEAR THE POLICY IS "don't ask, don't tell, it works out great she lives were she lives and I live where I live, she lives at Forest Lawn and I live up here in Nor-Cal. So far
the arrangement has worked out fine.
Yeah, my wife knows exactly how much I spend on gear. She doesn't ask... I tell her. In the long run, I don't spend that much, and we can afford it. I don't really ever have GAS anymore. The payoff for her is that every time I spend money on gear, I encourage her to spend an equivalent amount on stuff she may want. Often, she does. I keep track of the finances in our house, so when I make a purchase, I know it may cost me twice as much.