Are you an older father or child of older father ?

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by charlie chitlin, Jul 10, 2019.

  1. ScribbleSomething

    ScribbleSomething Tele-Holic Platinum Supporter

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    My oldest is 10 and his brother will be 3 soon. I’ll be 50 yearly next year. My Dad died last year.

    I worry if I make it to my father’s age that I’ll hardly know my adult kids. The youngest will barely be recovered from the teen years. If followed my Moms path I’d have had cancer already.
     
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  2. Mike Eskimo

    Mike Eskimo Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    Not being disrespectful or gross here Charlie, I’m just being realistic.

    I’m 55 and if my wife was 29 or 30 and she wanted to start on baby making in earnest , I really don’t know if I would have the wherewithal to say “no”...:oops:
     
  3. william tele

    william tele Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    Charlie, my dad died when I was 5. Even though he died when I was so young, he left me plenty. The way he lived his life left me with literally hundreds of people who knew and loved him. All my years of growing up I heard stories of his strength and kindness from those people.

    Charlie, do what feels right to you, but just from your posts I sense you are one of those who will leave your kids something they can be proud of and smile about when the time comes for you to say goodbye...
     
  4. ScribbleSomething

    ScribbleSomething Tele-Holic Platinum Supporter

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    I hate it when it’s assumed that I’m their grandfather. They made me look this old:(;)
     
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  5. Heathfinn

    Heathfinn Tele-Meister

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    My child was born when I was 40. I do worry about it from time to time. I want to be around for his major life events.
     
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  6. BigDaddyLH

    BigDaddyLH Telefied Ad Free Member

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    It's interesting that Cormac McCarthy's novel The Road, while grabbing people with its story of a post-apocalyptic, cannibalistic world, is at its heart a story of a father and son. Cormac is an older father and wondered what he will leave his son with. The unnamed father in the story is dying and trying to leave his son with what he can. Some of the dialog in the book is just transcribed from talk between Cormac and his son.
     
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  7. Stringbanger

    Stringbanger Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Neither. Dad was only 22 when I was born, and I don’t have any biological children.
     
  8. brianswindall

    brianswindall Tele-Afflicted

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    I'm 49 with two daughters aged 8 and 5. My wife is 13 years younger so I definitely feel like the elder statesman in the house.

    On the negative side, I do not feel the patience that is supposed to come with age (that others here have mentioned). I am more rigid than I was as a younger man. I get tired and I have wondered if I have shorted the kids by having them later.

    On the positive side, I am capable of giving them the attention they deserve and appreciating them for who they are. I see moments that are achingly beautiful and I think I would have missed a lot as a younger dad. Also, I am all in. I give my family everything I've got in terms of my energy, finances and time.

    Becoming a father has made me a better man. I have started taking better care of myself because I want to be around for a while because I am curious who they will turn into.
     
  9. Mjark

    Mjark Doctor of Teleocity Silver Supporter

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    Nope I was 40 when my youngest was born. My daughter just had her first child at 40 a few weeks ago. Interestingly she had what they called a geriatric pregnancy.
     
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  10. dazzaman

    dazzaman Tele-Afflicted

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    My daughter was born when I was 45. I haven't yet felt that the age thing has caused her (or me) any issues, and her best friend has a father who is a couple of years older than me, so she doesn't think it is unusual in any big way. That said, even if she doesn't feel it (or express it) I am aware of my own mortality and the increased risk of not being around to witness the big things to come in her life in the future.
     
  11. Grey_Melbourne

    Grey_Melbourne TDPRI Member

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    I was a week shy of 47 when my son was born and my wife was almost 45. It's getting harder to keep up with him, but at the same time he is getting more independent so it's working out.
    I'm glad that my 54 year old brain is a father, I just wish it was in a 30 year old body.
    He is the light of my life and I don't regret a thing.
     
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  12. gypsy jim

    gypsy jim Tele-Afflicted Silver Supporter

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    My Dad was 51 when I was born. One thing is I have a brother and sister who are 17 years older than me. (I'm pretty sure I was unplanned.) When I was a senior in high school and got in trouble and they made me bring a parent in for a conference. My brother, already balding, pretended to be my father and promised to rectify the situation. We enjoyed herbs and laughed all the way home.
     
  13. jbmando

    jbmando Poster Extraordinaire Silver Supporter

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    My nine year old daughter was born when I was 57. I throw the ball around all the time. I work full time as an apartment maintenance supervisor - working supervisor, mind you - and I am a lot more tired when I get home than I used to be, but otherwise age is just a number. I'm 17 when I play guitar, anyway.

    My wife is 18 years my junior, by the way.
     
    Last edited: Jul 10, 2019
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  14. telepraise

    telepraise Tele-Holic

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    Jeepers! I thought I was way behind when I started at 37. There is something to be said for sowing your wild oats and getting established in your careers (both mom and dad) before embarking on parenting. As an elementary school teacher, every year I sit across the conference table from parents who started a family right out of high school. 10 years down the road they've got two kids and are stuck in a job they hate, topped out and trying to make life work on $14 an hour. One or both are desperate to go back to school. Raise the kids, keep the house, work full time, and do night school. Most time the marriages don't survive it and the kids, well, they get shredded. So yeah, I guess you could say I'm a proponent of holding off on parenting until you've got your **** together and can provide the emotional and financial support a family needs.

    As teachers, we weren't rich but when the oldest got serious about ballet, the $300 a month was doable. For the other it was sports. Practices, classes, rehearsals, cross country meets, tennis matches, recitals, band performances. We never missed an event. Seems like all we did was drive. If I'm lucky I'll be able to do the same for my grandkids.

    My girls are 22 and 25 and coincidentally will both be finishing their second college degrees at the same time I retire so I guess things worked out just fine.
     
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  15. goldwax

    goldwax Tele-Meister

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    Had two boys at ages 33 and 35 during my first marriage and a girl at age 46 with my second wife. I’m 51 now, and so I have a little one starting transitional kindergarten next month and the oldest just graduated from high school last month. That’s quite a spread! When my daughter graduates from high school, I’ll be 65. That’s really something to think about.

    As many have also said, i’m more patient than I was with my first two. But even lore than that, I’m more appreciative of my youngest. Part of it is probably because she’s a girl and just radiates intense love. Another part is that she got leukemia last year, so of course I appreciate the fragility of life more. Part of it is because English is her first language and with my boys it was Japanese (which tends to be more elliptical and also isn’t my first language). And part of it is that my oldest son is high-functioning autistic and was (is) extremely challenging to deal with.

    But mostly I put it down to it not being my first rodeo and having a bit of a gap there.

    I get more frustrated with the BS of modern parenting (stupid preschool events, in particular, infant music and swim lessons, etc.) than I did before, but I’m oddly more appreciative of the basics—cooking healthy meals, reading, coloring, swimming pool time, and playtime she directs. (I remember constantly trying to engage the boys to do stuff, whereas now she engages me.)

    My wife (13 years younger than me) wants another, but I don’t see how we can manage to—busy jobs, long commutes, etc.—and still have anything resembling the relatively normal but stressful quality of life we have now.
     
  16. Shuster

    Shuster Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

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    I'm not too sure, but my Uncle used to tell me, just call me Dad???
     
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  17. Utah Joe

    Utah Joe Tele-Meister

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    I was 49 when my daughter was born. When people ask me why I waited so long to have kids I just tell them that we thought it would be a good idea if my wife graduated high school first.
     
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  18. imwjl

    imwjl Poster Extraordinaire

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    I think it's safe to say my wife and kids are the best thing ever. I would be most concerned about a stable and loving environment. Don't rush. It surely helped that we were already together for 12 years.
     
  19. CV Jee Beez

    CV Jee Beez Tele-Holic

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    Great thread.

    I was 41 when my only child came. She's now 3 1/2. I play with her a lot and have a fair amount of energy in general. There are days when she asks if I want to play with her and I think "how much play does a 44 year old man have on Tuesday at 8:30 pm?"

    I always find a way.
     
  20. Luvs2yoko

    Luvs2yoko TDPRI Member

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    I'm 57 and have 3 daughters, 3 11 and 21. It's easy keeping up with the two older ones.All they do is stare at their phones. My wife is a teacher so I watch the little one and work in the afternoon.She does keep me on my toes. If I get lucky we both nap around 1.
     
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