Are you an older father or child of older father ?

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by charlie chitlin, Jul 10, 2019.

  1. charlie chitlin

    charlie chitlin Doctor of Teleocity Silver Supporter

    Age:
    57
    Posts:
    13,555
    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2003
    Location:
    Spring City, Pa
    Please note that I am not soliciting the opinions of those without direct experience.
    I couldn't care less about what you think of Mick Jagger having a kid at 70...unless you did it, too.
    Thanks in advance.
    By "older" I mean 50...60...maybe older.
    What is your experience like?
    If you're the child of an old dad, what are the pros and cons?
    Do/will you feel cheated when you're still fairly when your father dies.
    Do you wish dad was more active/vital?
    If you're and older dad, do you feel like you are running out of steam for parenting?
    Or is it just...I'm a dad, and this is my kid...it's all good.
    Asking for a friend ;)
     
  2. hdvades

    hdvades Tele-Meister Silver Supporter

    Age:
    59
    Posts:
    466
    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2016
    Location:
    Hudson Valley, NY
    I'm 59. Single parent. Son' 15, turns 16 in November.
    Our biggest challenge is me growing up before the internet and cell phones and my boy growing up with the internet. Didn't give him a cell phone until high school. Always had to listen to him telling me "but dad, all my friends have one". That's always a point of contention in this house.
     
    richiek65 and richtone like this.
  3. Teleterr

    Teleterr Friend of Leo's

    Posts:
    4,357
    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2011
    Location:
    Lewes De.
    I have 2 friends that had older fathers, tho maybe only 40s when they were born, who felt cheated that their dads couldn't play ball, go on hikes etc w them. I think my own father would have been just as active w me if he was 55 instead of 35. So it's more physical condition. They ll always be a generation gap.
     
    richtone likes this.
  4. RL52

    RL52 Tele-Meister

    Posts:
    348
    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2013
    Location:
    Jersey Shore
    I think an older father would have sown his oats have time to be more attentive.

    Wiser, worldly, more patient and appreciative how to savor the time that still is.

    It's a bonus for the kid.
     
  5. 6stringcowboy

    6stringcowboy Tele-Afflicted

    Posts:
    1,731
    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2014
    Location:
    Central North Carolina
    I have an 11 year old daughter who was born when I was 48. I feel like I'm a better dad to her than I was to my first two who were born when I was in my early/mid 20s. I'm active in her life, we hike together, I go to the stables with her twice a week for her riding lessons etc. I feel the life experience I gained before she was born makes me enough of a better dad that it makes up for our abbreviated (who knows right?) Time together. I'm sure this will change as I get older, but I dont feel bad for having her when I did.
     
  6. Tom in Georgia

    Tom in Georgia TDPRI Member

    Posts:
    35
    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2016
    Location:
    Georgia
    I just turned 57. My son and daughter are 8 and 9. Fortunately for me, I have worked very hard to stay fit and active, so keeping up with them is not a problem - at least for now. I do occasionally worry about what life would be like for them if I were to check out early. As far as parenting maturity goes, I probably have more time and patience than I ever would have when I was in my 20's or 30's. I'm not sure that I was even mature enough to take care of myself in my 20's. ;) I don't think they have fully realized that dad is old yet.
    Tom
     
  7. raito

    raito Poster Extraordinaire Silver Supporter

    Posts:
    5,509
    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2010
    Location:
    Madison, WI
    Biggest advantage of being an older father is a younger mother. ;)

    I'm 57 and had my last at 50. I regularly hear younger fathers complain about lack of physical stamina when playing with their children. I do not have that problem. But I'm a lot younger at 57 than either my parents or grandparents were at that age.
     
    bloomz, richtone, cc50fralin and 2 others like this.
  8. 4 Cat Slim

    4 Cat Slim Friend of Leo's

    Posts:
    4,287
    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2012
    Location:
    Nelson City TX
    My father was well into his forties when I showed up, unplanned, I suspect.
    I had two older siblings and it seems like until I was well into my teens, he and I would clash over anything I happened to have an interest in.
    Little League Baseball?
    "No, it's a lot of trouble to go to games, and it's hard for me to take off from work.
    I used have to go to your brother's games, and they were too long and all of the parents would argue all the time, and the uniforms cost a lot of money."
    School band/orchestra?
    "No, you don't need to get into that.We bought your sister a violin and a clarinet, and she quit both and never played again. And the lessons were expensive, and the band director is always asking for money."
    More or less constantly thwarted by this sort of thing, I appealed to an aunt and uncle when I wanted a guitar. They came through for me.
    In later years, my father came to appreciate my interest in music and was supportive of my playing. I think he regretted discouraging me when
    I was interested in youth sports programs or joining Boy Scouts or any of the other dozens of things I wanted to do when I was younger.
    I used to wish he was more vital or hadn't run out of steam or been jaded by his experiences with my older siblings, but we had a good relationship once I learned to involve myself in things that he was interested in that didn't involve driving me to practice, lessons, meetings or games or involve buying uniforms. We bonded over things like outdoor projects and televised football games, and ultimately, I was closer to him than my siblings were. He died when I was 31. I wish he'd stuck around a little longer...
     
  9. joealso

    joealso Tele-Holic Silver Supporter

    Posts:
    617
    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2012
    Location:
    East Haddam, CT
    First - great question! Second - for what it's worth, with regard to the son of an older dad scenario of feeling cheated when the older father dies, remember that fathers can die at any age.

    My experience was that I was the youngest of 5 and I was definitely not planned nor expected. The birth order was boy, girl, boy, girl, boy (me). The difference between myself and my oldest brother is 18 years. The first three are all within 5 years of each other. The difference between me and my younger sister is 8 years.

    Both of my parents were 43 when I was born and my father died of cancer the day after my 21st birthday.

    My father taught me about music. He taught me about literature, history, sports, respect for others and so much more. My older brothers tell me that my experience with Dad was vastly different than theirs. I think that his age and life experiences had given him a different perspective on parenting when I came along. He gave me a lot of his time and was, apparently, much more patient with me than with my older siblings.

    Do I feel robbed? Interesting question. As a teenager, I definitely took his presence for granted and didn't allow our relationship to evolve. I was too involved with my friends and social life. After that, it was college and starting life on my own. So, I guess I robbed myself. I would have liked to have developed an adult relationship with him but I got a great boyhood experience from him. His upbringing prepared me to be a father.

    I saw a bumper sticker once that read "Parent is a verb". That, to me, says it all. Good luck.
     
  10. KyAnne

    KyAnne Tele-Afflicted

    Posts:
    1,226
    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2011
    Location:
    Swamps of Louisiana
    My Dad was 50 when I was born. His first wife passed away and I came forth from his second marriage.
    We spent a lot of time fishing together and I've always credited him with that and my existence.
    But........I can tell you......when he was 65, he did NOT feel like going out and throwing ball with a 15 year old!
    I don't blame him. I'm 65 and I don't either! Ha. :)
    (major heart surgery here....gonna be twice come 7/11/19)
    So..........he retired at 76 and I retired at 59 1/2. May God rest his soul, he was born in 1904. Passed away 3 months shy of his 86th birthday.
     
  11. IronSchef

    IronSchef Tele-Holic Platinum Supporter

    Posts:
    830
    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2013
    Location:
    Flew here on my Dragonfly
    I'm 56, did not have kids until I was 42 (I have a 12 yr old boy and a 14 yr old girl).

    I think my kids have benefited from me being older when I had them. I have MUCH more patience and understanding than I did was I was in my 20s. I honestly do not think I would have been a good "young" dad -- and I think having little ones later in life has KEPT me feeling young. :)
     
  12. Teleterr

    Teleterr Friend of Leo's

    Posts:
    4,357
    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2011
    Location:
    Lewes De.
    My parents were in their mid 30s. I think anytime past 30 will be in the category you mentioned.
     
    richtone likes this.
  13. Bruxist

    Bruxist Friend of Leo's

    Posts:
    2,945
    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2010
    Location:
    Kentucky, USA
    I was 37 when my son was born and 40 when my daughter was born. Not as old as many, but sometimes it feels like it.
     
    Heathfinn and richtone like this.
  14. charlie chitlin

    charlie chitlin Doctor of Teleocity Silver Supporter

    Age:
    57
    Posts:
    13,555
    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2003
    Location:
    Spring City, Pa
    Good stuff here.
    When Mama Chitlins and I had our first, she was a couple weeks shy of her 22nd birthday, and I was 50.
    I already had 2 older ones who are now 19 and 26.
    She didn't think she would want another...but things change.
    Now she wants it BAD...B....A....D.
    Now CC Jr. is 7 and getting a little big to cuddle.
    If we did it again, I'd be staring 60 square in the eyes.
    It's a bit daunting.
     
  15. 6stringcowboy

    6stringcowboy Tele-Afflicted

    Posts:
    1,731
    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2014
    Location:
    Central North Carolina
    I DO feel like having a kid later in life has kept my mind and point of view younger.
     
    bloomz and richtone like this.
  16. Mrbob135

    Mrbob135 Tele-Holic Silver Supporter

    Posts:
    919
    Joined:
    May 21, 2014
    Location:
    Franklin, VT
    I will echo a lot of the same that has already been said. I am 51, and have four kids aged 7, 15, 25, and 27. I can definitively say that I am a better father to my younger children than I was to my older ones. I have matured, and have more patience and insight now than I had as a young man still trying to figure myself out, let alone how to be a parent. I am in relatively decent shape for the shape I'm in, and can keep up fairly well for now...as for longevity, well, who really ever knows? I will be the best dad I can be until I check out, whether that is tomorrow or 50 years from now...
     
  17. hdvades

    hdvades Tele-Meister Silver Supporter

    Age:
    59
    Posts:
    466
    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2016
    Location:
    Hudson Valley, NY
    O
    I do remember when I was a kid that one of my friend's dad was 72 but looked like 82, and that's when I was 12. I felt sorry for him.
    Fast forward to today. People sometimes think I'm my son's grandfather which causes a chuckle every once in awhile. Funny too because I'm in better shape.
     
    bloomz and richtone like this.
  18. Solrac Kai

    Solrac Kai Tele-Holic

    Posts:
    517
    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2011
    Location:
    california
    Had mine when I was 40. I was certainly a much more patient parent than I would have been at a younger age. When my kid wanted to start training in MMA/Jujutsu at around 7 the wife and started training too. So our form of playing catch is trying to choke each other on the mat. You’d have to ask him, but aside from normal parent/child challenges I don’t think he has regarded my age as good or bad. He has always been more mature in his thoughts and actions than his friends that I attribute to having an older parent, just because we have always been more open about mature topics, but now that I think about it I guess that’s not a product of age, just a choice . I didn’t plan on having any children, but I’m glad now to be a father.
     
    richtone likes this.
  19. BigDaddyLH

    BigDaddyLH Telefied Ad Free Member

    Posts:
    48,558
    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2009
    Location:
    Kelowna, BC, Canuckistan
    When Abe Vigoda (Fish on Barney Miller) died, lots of people thought he was already dead! Well, he was a constant victim of celebrity death hoaxes.

    When that TV show started (Jan 1975) he was almost 54 and I thought he was ancient. Now I'm older than that, and I scare myself.
     
    imwjl likes this.
  20. ukepicker

    ukepicker Tele-Afflicted

    Posts:
    1,366
    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2013
    Location:
    East Texas
    Great topic, CC. Thanks for bringing it up.
     
    don71 likes this.
IMPORTANT: Treat everyone here with respect, no matter how difficult!
No sex, drug, political, religion or hate discussion permitted here.


  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.