an obituary for the singer/songwriter/guitar player in me.

[ukepicker]

I was recently prepping to play at a local wine bar when ALL of my guitars started acting up at the same time. Even my trusty Santa Cruz.

I spent a bunch of time chasing rattles and shorts and buzzes and got so mad that I sold almost everything.

Several acoustics, several electrics. Even had to rewire a 335 to get GC to buy it - a nice Korean copy that had fretwork done, an upgraded bridge and an all new harness - and they gave me $70. I know that I could've gotten more for it on craigslist or marketplace. Heck, it was probably worth that just to keep around the house. But NO - not in my soul. I'm sick of looking at these things. I'm sick of how they pull at me.

No more partscasters. No more Gibsons or Taylors or pickup swaps or saddle swaps or refinishing this or routing that. I've put a lid on the constant well spring of ideas and GAS and inspirations.

I only kept guitars that were gifts (or inherited).


So ends an era.



I'm sad that my "life" has become so busy that I don't have time to do the things I love - and that my busy life has stolen the joy from the things that I used to love to do. I'd always guarded music. Never wanted to tie my paycheck to "my" music, I wanted to be in complete control. And I lost it anyway.

I'm gonna keep playing the instruments I have with a grateful heart. When I find the time. But I've resigned myself to letting go of the skill and repertoire I had felt compelled to maintain. You know, hoping for "someday". I haven't been in songwriting mode in years. Even the songs that I wrote from my heart that have stayed and weathered life with me for decades - now they barely fumble out of my fingers and my voice misses the melody like a drunk trying to find a keyhole. I'm sure there's a recording of them laying around here somewhere. . . .


At the same time, I feel lighter. Less stressed. Less responsible. Less inspired.
Like I'd been walking into the desert with a transistor radio, singing along happily, but the battery has died and there are no more tunes - and no more reason to keep toting this damned radio.

Nothing to do now but keep walking. More quietly now, I guess.

 

[lil scotty]

I understand your sentiments and frustration. I do suspect that some of this is caused by just having too much “stuff.” A little purge might just be the thing to light a little fire.
I never consider that I have too many guitars, etc, until I pull one out and it just does not work right! They require attention and sometimes I just do not have it to give.
Hope you do not give it up entirely but reach a peace with all of it, even if that means letting it go.

 

[toanhunter]

you don't have to ever give up 100% keep at least one guitar, I had a really bad patch for a few years and barely played, I don't understand why you'd stop creating though even if it's just for yourself, if you come up with original ideas you owe it to yourself to capture them, you don't have to release all the music you ever create, in fact it's probably wise to only release the best stuff.

 

[P Thought]

I'd like to get down to one guitar, but I can't for the life of me decide which one

 

[DekeDog]

I would drink heavily. But that's just me.

 

[Ben Harmless]

Throwing this out there, because I've had similar moments, while music has filled a similar niche in my life - not my job, but necessary.

There are times when I feel like disengaging and anticipate more freedom when I do so, with the expectation that fewer obligations means less stress overall.

In my case, this is depression talking. I say this as someone who's day job is in the mental health field, and is extremely practiced at intellectualizing my own struggles - so much so that I just know I must be right when I think that it's time to quit. It's not. It's time to make other changes so I can feel the same joy again.

That's me. It's not everyone. There are a hundred reasons to hang it all up, but I think that would be a shame for anyone who knows what it means for the guitar to resonate with their soul.

 

[ukepicker]

I would drink heavily. But that's just me.

There's been some of that! Ha!

 

[Chuckster]

A guitar should be an escape from stress, not the cause of it.

 

[ukepicker]

In the weeks since my original post, I've found my time on numerous occasions to be "required" in other things - like cooking, cleaning, child care, lawn care, home repair, etc etc - and I've been able to choose to do that thing, purposefully and deliberately releasing the urge or desire to play or listen to music.

I'll pick up a guitar now and again when things are slow or I'm winding down, but if something else comes up, I'll case it immediately - mid-strum, even - and let it go.

I'm not without backsliding. I admit that I went through several days of obsessing over strings - you know, "upgrading" the few guitars I have left. Might as well buy the good stuff since there's only a few left, right? (old GAS dies hard)

I'm not saying I'm happier. Or sadder. But maybe more productive, day-to-day.
Like The Preacher says, it's the heavy burden of all mankind - and it's all meaningless anyway. A chasing after the wind.

But instead of the chunks of time and space that music required away from those obligations, I can find a little relief with some whisky while I'm doing the dishes. Maybe a shower beer.

Is this the other side of mid-life crisis? Resignation?

 

[Buzzgrowl]

I was recently prepping to play at a local wine bar when ALL of my guitars started acting up at the same time. Even my trusty Santa Cruz.

I spent a bunch of time chasing rattles and shorts and buzzes and got so mad that I sold almost everything.

Several acoustics, several electrics. Even had to rewire a 335 to get GC to buy it - a nice Korean copy that had fretwork done, an upgraded bridge and an all new harness - and they gave me $70. I know that I could've gotten more for it on craigslist or marketplace. Heck, it was probably worth that just to keep around the house. But NO - not in my soul. I'm sick of looking at these things. I'm sick of how they pull at me.

No more partscasters. No more Gibsons or Taylors or pickup swaps or saddle swaps or refinishing this or routing that. I've put a lid on the constant well spring of ideas and GAS and inspirations.

I only kept guitars that were gifts (or inherited).


So ends an era.



I'm sad that my "life" has become so busy that I don't have time to do the things I love - and that my busy life has stolen the joy from the things that I used to love to do. I'd always guarded music. Never wanted to tie my paycheck to "my" music, I wanted to be in complete control. And I lost it anyway.

I'm gonna keep playing the instruments I have with a grateful heart. When I find the time. But I've resigned myself to letting go of the skill and repertoire I had felt compelled to maintain. You know, hoping for "someday". I haven't been in songwriting mode in years. Even the songs that I wrote from my heart that have stayed and weathered life with me for decades - now they barely fumble out of my fingers and my voice misses the melody like a drunk trying to find a keyhole. I'm sure there's a recording of them laying around here somewhere. . . .


At the same time, I feel lighter. Less stressed. Less responsible. Less inspired.
Like I'd been walking into the desert with a transistor radio, singing along happily, but the battery has died and there are no more tunes - and no more reason to keep toting this damned radio.

Nothing to do now but keep walking. More quietly now, I guess.

Did you have a band?

 

[DekeDog]

There's been some of that! Ha!

Of course I was just kidding. It sounds like you may need to re-prioritize to make more room for the things that are more important. You don't always have to be creating (if that requires more energy than you want to invest) or trying to improve when playing if it that isn't giving you satisfaction. In my life, I've learned hundreds and maybe thousands of songs. These days, I probably couldn't play ten songs all the way through from memory. Some of my favorite songs that I've played hundreds of times are now just shadows in my tiny brain.

I've trimmed my collection down to eight guitars and three amps. I've never liked having more guitars than I want to play. I'm good with this now. If I ever get to the point where I can't play one or two, I will reluctantly part with them. But playing guitar removes stress from me, and these days, I need that. When I find myself stagnating, I learn new songs.

 

[GeneB]

We found a solution to my too much guitar stuff issue. We moved from a 4 b/r house to a 2 story 3 b/r town home. I took stock of my stuff and sold off or gave to my nephew duplicates (I had two ES-339s, two SGs, a Fender Twin amp, a Mustang amp) etc. I'm down to six guitar cases under the bed and one guitar stand in the bedroom we use as a den. And everything I own is unique in it's own way. In the end it's less stuff and less stress. Oh, and I discovered headphone amps and gained a lot of nighttime practicing.

 

[Jakedog]

Give it time. Breaks, even extended ones, can be good things. If you don’t feel inspired and have no desire to play/sing/write, then don’t. It’s ok.

When that which cannot be discussed happened, I went into full panic mode. Playing is my only job. It’s always been my job. I don’t really have any other marketable skills. I never learned any. At about 12 years old I just assumed I’d be a rock star, get super rich and famous, and that would be that. That never happened (although there were several times I only missed by *this* much), but I did manage to make a modest living.

All of a sudden I had no work, no income, and no idea when I might. It freaked me all the way out. But things worked out, I got paid the whole time, and everything was ok.

Weird side effect? The break. The break I had no idea I needed. I didn’t really touch a guitar for about 15 months. I didn’t play. I didn’t write. I didn’t record. I bought a few and they mostly sat around and collected dust. They’re almost all gone now. I had no desire to do it at all.

I didn’t even realize how sick of it I was until I didn’t have to do it every day. It wasn’t that I took a break on purpose. It was probably six months in before I realized what was happening. The gist is that without it being imperative, without the work requirement, it just didn’t really occur to me to do it. I found other things to keep me busy.

I finally went back to work in earnest in the fall of ‘21. It took a bit to get back in shape. My voice was atrophied. My chops were seriously diminished. I got tired on stage soooo fast. One set would wear me the hell out. But it was fun again.

You may get there one day, too. No reason to feel any kind of way about it right now. If you’re not feeling it, then just move along. If someday you do feel it again, it’ll always be there.

 

[arlum]

With the amount of angst exhibited in this post I have a feeling this situation won't last. The amount of time and effort used toward this part of your life shows a fire that may have raged and dimmed but will never go out. I play only at home these days yet still consider myself a songwriter, singer and instrumentalist. The lack of an audience or waning of desire is not a good enough reason to jump off a cliff. At some point in your future a song might pop into your head and refuse to leave until it's been penned to paper. A new friend who, it turns out, also plays an instrument and would like getting together just for some player time at their or your house might come along. Maybe just some empty time that needs filling could remind you of the restorative properties many players find rewarding. A musicians relationship with their instrument is not dependent on skill level, income, fame or time. I think of it as an extension of a person. An added method of communication between the inside and the outside.

Never say never.

 

[Deeve]

It's a relief to read some others have experienced something like what's going on w/ me.
I've gotten no real "joy" out of time w/ a guitar in my lap in recent time.
Tried switching to a different guitar - still a struggle.
Took a pass on a night of playing "peace & protest songs" at church last week, because I could not imagine trying to find my place in that jumble...
I'm hoping this "dry time" will pass and I can see this stack of gear as something for fun, and not a room full of stuff I need to list, only to get low-ball fire-sale offers.
Maybe at retirement (soon) I'll see/feel things differently.
Peace - Deeve

 

[Jon S.]

There's a time for everything under the sun. Now is not your time to do some of the things you did before. Let it be. It will return if it's meant to. If not, the only constant is change.

If I may quote myself from one of my original songs on this topic (song will appear on my upcoming 6th album, release date probably this January):

Life’s a ship of ThÉseus. Nothing more. Nothing less. Roll with the change.

Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. Of course it does. Disconcert. Now rearrange.

Give ourselves the time we need to calibrate and heal.

Open wounds bleed and scab before the new skin rejuvenates.

 

[Mike Eskimo]

May his* memory be a blessing.

*the singer/songwriter/guitar player dude in you of course

 

[ukepicker]

May his* memory be a blessing.

*the singer/songwriter/guitar player dude in you of course

Thanks Mike.
I hope it comes to that.
He feels more like an accuser or a guilty conscience right now.

 

[Jon S.]

He feels more like an accuser or a guilty conscience right now.

Guilt is always optional.

Guilt is the savior of our consciences.

Guilt is what we do when there's a conflict between our self-image and actions and we're unwilling to adjust either.

It works like this:

Self-image: I am a guitarist - and a guitarist is a person who plays guitar.
Action: I don't feel like playing guitar anymore and I won't.
Guilt: I don't want to stop calling myself a guitarist (self-image) nor do I want to play guitar (action) but by feeling guilty, I can continue to hold onto both (savior of my self-image) - without having to change my action.

You can resolve the conflict in one of 2 ways: adjust your self-image; and/or change your action.

Changing your action means playing again. But you don't really want to. So, let's take a fresh look at your self image.

You could change it to, "I'm not a guitarist."

But you could also change it to, "A guitarist is someone who knows how to play guitar and does so if and when he chooses to." Then change your sense of your action to, "I don't feel like playing guitar presently but I leave open the possibility that I could change my mind in the future."

Result: no more guilt.

 

[Jupiter]

I’m not a mental health care professional, but I’ve gone through depression

And this story sounds like that

I recommend getting an assessment